Salt in your wounds
by Bitter Red Irony
Summary: [COMPLETE] Hermione and Draco have rough summers and both go through some changes. Draco teachers Hermione that sometimes the thing that hurts you the most, is the only thing that can help ::Darkfic::
1. Prologue

**Salt In Your Wounds**

**Disclaimer:** i do not own harry potter or any other the characters used (besides the ones you dont recognise.) they were created by J.K Rowling. The only thing i own is the order the words are written in and the story line.

**Prolouge**

**Hermione's Summer**

_I spent my summer hiding from the ones that hurt me and look__ing for the ones that I loved. M__y mother and father died in a car crash, a head on collision. They both died __on impact__. The driver of the other car was drunk and lived to see another day; he was charged with reckless driving. _

_Why not murder? Or did the judge simply forget about my parents? Were they so minuscule that their death shouldn't even be avenged? _

_The police thought it was best if I was to stay in an orphanage until I went back to school. I tried to contact Harry or Ron, but none of my letters were answered. I had no choice but to go to the orphanage. _

_I tried to make myself believe that it wouldn't be all that bad. _"Try and think of it as Hogwarts," _I had told myself. But it was nothing like Hogwarts; Hogwarts had mystery and wonder.__ Here __I was stuck living in a dirty over-large house with a bunch of people I didn't know. _

_ I couldn't stay there after what happened every night under the cover of darkness. My body had been ripped apart as I was beat and raped __alongside __other girls. It was __unbearable__. Every time they would come to me in my dorm I would scream and cry for them to stop, but my cries __went unanswered they wouldn't listen and __only made them madder. So after a mo__nth of constant torture I made my__ escape__ with a little help of my being a witch. I had nowhere to go, so I went to my childhood best friend. With her help I changed how I looked and created a whole new __self_

_I didn't see or hear from my two best friends the entire holiday; they couldn't even say that they didn't know about my parents, as I wrote to them about it. I told them, so why is it that they ignored me?_

**Draco's summer**

_My summer began like any other: I went back to the manor to be persecuted by my father about everything that he could think of; how I managed to have a Mudblood beat me in my studies, my attitude, anything. If my father could, he would have just killed me, but then he wouldn't have an heir. I lay at night shivering in both pain and tears, my house elf, Judda, tended to my wounds each night. My mother also had her fair share of hexes and curses to throw at me. For nearly a month I was weak from my father's beatings and my mother's curses and accusations of slander. They didn't care what happened to me._

_On one night during my beatings I lost all self-control and Apparated to Muggle London. My father wouldn't dare step out of the wizarding world; in that world he was strong, he was a leader, but in the Muggle world, he was weak, crazy old fool._

_I landed in the gutter in the pouring rain, where a woman found me and took me in. She had a son named Tommy. The few weeks that I stayed with them were the best of my life, no beatings, and no expectations, nothing except trust, love, and affection. _

_My father sent some men to get me once he found out where I was. That night I got the worst beating of my life; I was left within an inch of my life, but I had to make sure Tommy and Natasha were alright. I got there the next day; their small house was ripped to pieces. When I entered Natasha's bedroom, the first thing I saw was her mangled body, lying on her bed. Her young, __beautiful__ body was cut and bruised. I wanted to scream when I saw it, but I had to make sure Tommy was all right. I entered the nursery and saw him hanging from the light; his small neck was bruised and cut where the rope had hurt him. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I sunk to my knees and cried for the first time since I was two. I stayed there until two days before summer ended among the mangled bodies of the only people who had ever loved me._

_I went to the Leaky Cauldron and made myself change my image. I didn't want to be seen as a Malfoy any more; the thought of it made me sick. I changed what I looked like. I made myself a whole new person, with jet-black hair that reminded me so much of Natasha._

**A/N**this is the first chapter. May I remind you all that this is a dark fic. And there for, if you are expecting fluff and love, please move on quietly.

This chapter was "proof read" by the wonderful arwenundomiel021.


	2. Meetings

_Salt in your wounds_

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing... not a skerrick

Chapter 2

Hermione granger got out of her taxi at kings cross station on the first of September to go to your seventh and final year at Hogwarts. The driver put her luggage on a trolley and she paid him before he drove off leaving her alone to head towards platforms 9 and 10, before slipping into the hidden platform between she took one last look at the muggle world that she knew so well and then walked into the magical world seeing the crimson train brought back memories of her first year, she had been alone then and she was alone now. How ironic she thought dully before looing around at the people standing on the platform, a couple of first years and second years were scattered around with their parents along with two large boys standing near the tracks looking down and talking in lowered voices. One of the boys had unruly raven hair, he wore glasses that hid his bright green eyes from the world, he was standing next to a boy with bright red hair and a freckled face, both boys were tall and muscular. These boys were Harry potter and Ron weasley.

When Hermione laid eyes on the two boys her heart skipped a beat as she looked around nervously she didn't want them to see her, she wouldn't be able to control her actions if she went closer, she thought it best to avoid them then let all her pent up anger and unhappiness out on them, she was never one to let out her anger she thought that bottling it up would make it go away, it never did, she just didn't know any way to get ride of it without yelling and screaming so she kept it hid away from prying eyes.

Hermione made her way to the train looking down at her feet she only looked up when she had stepped onto the train, she looked down the passage and wondered where to go, _I could find an empty compartment, but then people would find me faster_ _or I could just go to the heads carriage, I doubt that he head boy would be there and then at least I could have most of the ride by myself_ she decided on the later and made her way towards the front of the train.

As she walked to the compartment she thought about all the years she had been friends with Harry and Ron, they where the 'golden trio' and best friends how could they possibly just ignore her when she was crying out for their help?

When Hermione opened the compartment door she saw the head boy already seated gazing out the window, he turned to look at her when she entered and removed one of his headphones. Her eyes widened in shock _'this is Malfoy? What happened to the Malfoy I knew and hated? What on earth made him change?' _and it was true he had changed a lot, his natural platinum blond hair had been died pitch black, he still had his pale complexion and silver eyes, but his now black hair made them both more prominent, he was wearing a long sleeved black t-shirt with holes cut for his thumbs to stick through, his nails are painted black, his pants where baggy and black and covered most of his doc martins, she looked again at his face and noticed that he had his eyebrow, nose and lip all pierced. He didn't smirk or sneer he had no expression at all, as he looked at her with dull seemingly lifeless eyes, they didn't twinkle or shine, they just looked like old silver or metal.

"granger" he said in acknowledgment and looked at her quickly before looking back at her eyes, no expression just acknowledgment.

"Malfoy" she said politely as she went and sat in her seat opposite him, he visibly flinched when his name was said. But turning away and replacing his headphone and looking out the window again before closing his eyes slowly.

Hermione followed his example and took her Discman out of her bag and letting herself drift into another world listening to the voice of Oleander.

Draco called for a taxi as he finished packing his things into his trunk and pulled it down the stairs, he muttered a goodbye to Tom as he left the leaky cauldron, and headed down the street, and hour later his taxi arrived at kings cross station he grunted a thanks and paid the driver before going to platform 9 3/4.

The platform was basically deserted so Draco stepped onto the train unseen; I trudged to the heads compartment and threw my stuff into the corner before taking out my Discman and sitting in the corner looking out the window and absentmindedly fingering my scars through my shirt, tracing the well known lines without looking.

I heard the door open and I looked up seeing a girl dressed entirely in black with soft curls flowing down her back, that were a deep brown, she was wearing a black camisole and tight black boot leg pants, her eyes were lined with black eye liner and smoky black eye shadow, her lips had a deep purple colour on them and her skin was pale, her eyes seemed lost and clouded.

It took Draco a while to realise that the girl in front of him was Hermione granger, he looked deeper at her and traced one of his scars before deciding that it was.

"Granger" he said absently wondering why she had changed so much from the know-it-all bookworm she had been at the end of last year.

"Malfoy" she said politely and walked towards the chair opposite me, Draco tried not to flinch but the sound of his fathers name made images flash in front of his eyes and he cringed visibly.

Draco turned away again and looked out the window putting his headphone back in his ear. And closing his eyes trying to stop the images from bombarding his mind.

The train was moving and both head students sat in silence until professor McGonagall entered and looked at the two students. She talked about their responsibilities and privileges that they had, she asked them to plan the hogsmead (A/N selling?) trips for this year as well as organising the prefects patrolling duties; they both nodded sullenly but didn't say a word. Half an hour pasted and professor McGonagall left congratulating them for becoming head boy and girl.

A couple of minutes after she left they began to plan the trips and petrol times never saying a word that didn't have anything to do with their work. Draco pulled his sleave up when he thought Hermione wasn't looking and scratched around a fresh scab on his forearm that was beginning to itch, Hermione glanced up at him at that moment and stared at his arm and his thin white marks. She stared in wonder transfixed at the thin white lines. Draco looked up and saw her looking and pulled down his sleeve quickly and stood up to leave. "I got to go, we'll finish this later" she said quietly before closing the door after him.

Hermione stared at the door where Draco had stood moments before.

'_what would make somebody do that to themself?' _she had never cut herself, she was scared of knives and sharp objects she didn't even like seeing blood.

Her thoughts where interrupted by the compartment door opened and Harry and Ron walked in laughing about something. They stoped and looked at Hermione calmly, _'how can they be so calm after not a word from them all summer?'_

"hey Hermione! Why the hell are you dressed like that?" Ron asked cheerfully.

A/N sorry for the mild cliff hanger there's the second chapter I hope you all liked it, I know not a lot happened but I cant just rush everything in on you guys, it would be way to much so I'm dosing it all out to you in small doses.

Thank you to all my beautiful reviewers.

**Tori-182004 **

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**dramaqueen72** - I'm glade you liked it so much... as you said a lot

**Greek Mione**

Thank you all for you positive reviews, for you I'll continue writing.


	3. pretending to forgive

_Salt in your wounds_

**Chapter 3**

Forgive? But never forget

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything that is familiar, I don't own the characters. but the plot is mine.

'_How dare she how bloody dare she have seen them, there none of her business, why the hell did she have to go and look, it's none of her business, so why the hell did she have to look? Now she's going to tell her bloody boyfriends all about it and soon the whole bloody school will know that draco Malfoy has all there's scars and cuts along his arm. It isn't any of her business, it none of their business!_' theses thoughts were running through Draco's head as he stormed down the narrow passage not even knowing where he was going just trying to get as far away from Hermione and her questioning eyes as he could.

'_Why does it bother you so much that she saw them? If I really wanted no body to know I would have put a concealment charm on them'_ Draco paused momentarily as this thought made itself known. _'Why do I care so much?'_ he questioned himself and answered it with _'because its granger, Harry potters best friend, best friend of my arch rival'._

He began walking down the passage again this time at a slower pace. He glanced into the compartments as he made his way to the back of the train but stopped when he saw Harry potter and Ron Weasley sitting in a compartment with two girls one a brunette who was placed on Ron's knee and the other a blond sitting on Harry's knee. He thought for a moment before realising that the two girls where none other then lavender and Pavarti two Gryffindor seventh years.

'_They don't even seem to care that grangers not with them'_ he thought quietly as he opened the compartment door.

It took them all a second to realise who he was but when they did Pavarti and Lavender bombarded him with questions as to why he dyed his hair alone with painted his nails and piercing mutable parts of his face. He tuned them out and rounded on the two very annoyed looking boys sitting with now empty laps.

"Looks like there's trouble in paradise did the golden trio break up or something?" both boys looked confused and both shook their heads then sneered.

"No why would there be?" Harry said awarding a pleased look from Ron.

"Then why is it that granger is sitting all alone up the front of the train, while your down here with other girls?" he asked ignoring Harry's question.

"Oh, that's where she is, I was beginning to wonder where she was" Ron said more to Harry then Draco.

"Nearly two hours into the trip and your only JUST beginning to wonder where she was? Great friends you are no wonder she changed how she looks" he said before turning and leaving, walking once again to the back of the train to find an empty compartment.

'Maybe that's why she's dressed like somebody died, she finally realised how idiotic and uncaring her two best friends are' he thought absently as he thought about how sad she looked when she had entered the heads compartment. Fingering his oldest scar absently thinking about the new granger.

_They stoped and looked at Hermione calmly, 'how can they be so calm after not a word from them all summer?' _

"_hey Hermione! Why the hell are you dressed like that?" Ron asked cheerfully_.

"Dressed like what?" Hermione asked trying not to let her bitterness towards them show, but their cheerful nature annoyed her _'how can people be so cheerful when the world is full of rapist and murders, and people who take advantage of others innocence and pain?'_ she thought and swallowed trying to get rid of the lump that was making its way into her throat. _'I've cried enough, crying wont bring back my innocence or my parents, crying wont stop the dreams that haunt my sleep, crying will only make me weaker'_ she repeated to herself, _'and neither will taking my anger out on your friends'_ she reminded herself before hearing their answer.

"You're dressed like someone just died" Ron said again, _'no sugar coated questions for me are there?'_ she thought bitterly before spitting out,

"Well maybe someone did" she said feeling the coldness as she said it.

"Yeah well that happened at the start of the holidays, you've had your grieving period, where's all your colour like you used to wear?" Harry said not really caring that he just told her to get over her parents death.

"Your right what ever was I thinking? But I quite like this look so I'll stick to it thanks for your concern" _'you self conceited git, and thanks so much for your concern as to if I'm alright or not' _she added.

Harry and Ron smiled and sat down in the seat Draco had occupied a while ago, she thought again about his scars and shivered wondering what made him do it.

"That's cool," they said and started telling her about their summer, which they had spent together with their girlfriends, they had no death in their summers, no rape either no pain that wouldn't go away or the haunting fact that it could happened again, nothing like that just a fun filled summer spent with each other.

Hermione's mind travelled and she soon found herself day dreaming and pretending to listen to their enthralling tales of their summer _'they don't care, just like those bastard's at the orphanage, no body gives a shit what happens to me as long as their happy and I help them with their homework'_ She thought bitterly.

At the mention of the orphanage images flashed in front of her eyes. She wanted shout out and scream and cry but she couldn't Harry and Ron would think she had gone crazy so she hid her tears and touched the bruise that still lingered on her wrist from where he always held them. She pulled her black windcheater sleeves down further to make sure they were covered. **(A/N, sorry I know I didn't mention she had a windcheater on before but she did and its black and quite thin the only reason she wears it is to hide her bruises) **

As they left the Hogwarts express at hogsmead station and headed towards the carriages Harry turned around smiling at Hermione

"So herm how was your summer?" _'Thanks for remembering me'_ she thought bitterly but put on a smile and shrugged

"Just fine" she said before greeting Seamus and Dean and sat down in the carriage that would take her to her final year of education. She droned out the energetic conversation about Quidditch and sat in silence wishing she was alone.

**A/N** There's the third chapter, I hope you all liked it be expecting my next chapter soon, I'm trying to update as often as I can, I'm doing good at the moment thought but that's only because I haven't had any homework.

Thanks to all my reviewers

**Malfoyzbabe()**

**Weasel Girl**

**AshleyStarr**

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**TearsoftheInnocents**

**simply-brit**

**dramaqueen72 –** _sorry if that's not what you expect her to say but she don't exactly want to be alone and have them hate her now does she? Don't worry she'll get them for ignoring her later on_

**Greek Mione**

And of course all my previous reviewers who can find their name on the old chapter.


	4. Panicking unnoticed

_Salt in your wounds_

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing

**Chapter 4**

_Panicking unnoticed _

Draco entered the great hall amongst a large group of Slytherin's, he glanced longingly towards the end seat that was situated in the corner of the large hall concealed by shadows, away from prying eyes, Draco wanted to sit there melt away into the shadows and not be seen again, but that could never happen he was steered into the centre seat by Crabbe and Pansy, who didn't even seem to notice his changes.

Draco played absently with his tongue ring as professor McGonagall entered the hall followed by a group of first years. The sorting hat was placed at the front of the stage and it began singing a song telling the houses that if they unite they could overcome all obstacles in their way. Draco couldn't help but sneer at the optimistic hat and thought bitterly about all that had happened since it last sang its song. _'How can it warn us against what is to come and the consequences for our actions when it doesn't even pause to acknowledge the obstacles we've already been through?'_ he thought then glanced up at the head table and saw the headmaster looking intently at none other then Harry Potter, he had a worried look on his face.

'_Even Dumbledore is to busy looking after blessed potter to notice any one else's pain. Grangers sitting right next to him but doesn't even get a glance from the old high-and-mighty'_ he laughed silently at himself for ever believing that somebody out there could help him. He laughed again and thought sadly _'nobody will ever my pain and neither will anyone notice granger's, there always to busy looking past her as thought she's invisible to see if the-boy-who-lived is alright. I don't know how you live with it granger._' The food appeared in front of him and he slowly began to pile food onto his plate before Crabbe and Goyle ate it all. Pansy Parkinson flirted and smiled at him from across the table not even noticing he didn't share in the conversation, he just looked down at the food on his plate and moved it around with his fork barely eating a thing.

Across the hall Hermione sat in between Harry and Ron. They talked over her to each other occasionally spitting food in their excitement, they continued to talk and eat animatedly to everyone else not noticing or caring that Hermione sat silently staring at her plate barely eating a thing.

Halfway through the main meal the two boys pressed in closer to Hermione to make room on either side of them for their girlfriends.

The unwanted physical contact brought about harsh images and memories making her shake and begin to sweat, she felt suddenly as if she couldn't breath and her breath became laboured and harsh as she tried to calm her heart beat, but the images kept coming along with memories of excruciating pain and cold clammy hands.

Still the boys on either side managed to not notice her existence and pressed in closer. Hermione began to shake more violently and she felt her small amount of dinner coming back up, Nevil and Colin who were sitting opposite her noticed this change and strange behaviour, Nevil reached out and touched her hand trying to comfort her but instead she let out a yelp and withdrew her hand quickly from the table.

She wanted to scream and cry but new that it wouldn't help as she relived her worst experiences over and over again in the middle of the great hall.

Suddenly a boy stood behind her pulling her out of her chair lightly touching her as little as he could and held her up as she tried to stand.

"Get your filthy hands off her Malfoy," "What do you want with her?" Harry and Ron shouted as they finally noticed that Hermione wasn't sitting between them anymore,

"Heads business" he replied barely more then a growl.

Draco led Hermione out of the great hall without being noticed by any of the students or staff. He tried not to touch her as he led her towards the bathroom on the first floor, but it was hard considering her current state.

When they reached the bathroom Hermione emptied her stomach into the porcelain toilet bowl, as Draco held her long hair back from falling into the mess or sticking to her sweaty face.

Hermione pulled away from the toilet bowl and leaned her head back onto the toilet stall wall, regaining her breathing and shaking with a sudden feeling of coldness, she breathed slowly before opening her eyes and looking at Draco who was leaning on the doorframe watching her cautiously.

"Thank you" she whispered as she slowly stood up and walked towards the sink and began washing her face, Draco stepped forward and held her hair back again not touching anything else but her hair.

"Why are you being so nice to me?" she said after a while as she wiped her face and hands on a towel.

"Cant a person be nice once in a while?" Draco asked leaning against a wall and watching her to see if she was going to go into another bout of vomiting.

"Not if that person has spent the better part of six years tormenting both me and my friends" Hermione said too tired to let anger creep into her.

"Great friends they are, first not even noticing you weren't with them on the train and then not noticing when you have a panic attack in the middle of the hall" she looked down at her hands as she fiddled with her ring.

"It wasn't a panic attack," she said quietly not looking up at him.

"Then what was it?" draco asked now moving towards her but as she stepped back he stopped moving closer and took the time to look at her again. Her face was withdrawn and she looked shaken and cold, her hands fiddled with a ring on her finger and her robes covered her black clothing, her make up looked smudged but was mostly wiped off. She lifted her head and looked at him her eyes seemed deep and dark so unlike his own, she seemed so tired and in some way she looked old for her age.

"It was something that shouldn't happen" she gazed into his eyes and saw in them understanding, as though he knew the pain that she lived.

"A lot of things in this world shouldn't happen; nothing in this world should make a girl shy away from all physical contact, even from her best friends. I'd ask you what happened but I already know you wont tell me" she continued to look at him, but her gaze slowly moved to his covered arm, her questioning gaze penetrated his shirt and he felt as though she could see the scars that she knew lay beneath.

He slowly lifted his sleeve and she stepped forward lightly touching the scars, she left feather light touches on each of the scars he had revealed.

"Why did you do it?" she asked quietly still gazing at his arm. Draco looked at her face as she touched his scars and his heart filled with sadness as he remembered Natasha tending to his wounds on the first day he met her.

"Sometimes the thing that hurts you most is the only thing that can save you" he said quietly before rolling down his sleeve.

They walked out of the bathroom and went their separate ways. Before Hermione was to far away she turned back to Draco and said so only he could hear,

"but sometimes the thing that saves us is what make's people see" he turned and looked at her as though it was the first time seeing the sad girl in front of him.

"It hurts a lot more to keep it inside" he whispered as she turned and walked down the hall again heading towards the dungeons.

Hermione nodded and walked to the Gryffindor's tower.

**A/N** there you go, did you like it? Or did you hate it? It's getting there so stick with it. Another thing I would like to say is that Draco is an amazing artist and Hermione is an amazing singer the story doesn't revolve around those facts but they are in the story, I just wanted to let you all know so you don't think later when I mention it that I just dropped it in.

Thanks to my reviews

**potts()**

**dramaqueen72-** glade you love it so much and yes there will be.

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Honestly all these reviews are GREAT for my ego

I'll be updating soon


	5. She is not alone

_Salt in your wounds_

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Harry potter or any of the characters used, I don't own the song 'how' by the cranberries, they own it... obviously. I only own the plot, and I'm sure that has been used before at some point, so I have to say I only own the words placed in the exact order which is placed on my page.

**Chapter **

She is not alone

Hermione entered the Gryffindor common room and headed towards the girls dormitories, the common room was empty but would soon have students both new and old entering through the portrait of the fat lady after the feast.

She entered the dorm room that she shared with lavender and Pavarti, she shivered slightly as she walked towards the bed, she hadn't been able to sleep properly since it all started happening, she would wake screaming in the night in a cold sweat, wether she dreamed or not she would still remember each and every time she closed her eyes. She lifted back the curtains on her four poster bed and looked at the crimson and gold bed, _'crimson, the colour of blood'_. She heard the two girls enter the room and she put on a fake smile and greeted them. They smiled at her and continued talking about makeup and clothes and their boyfriends.

Hermione didn't want to take her clothes off in front of them, she didn't want them to see the scars that littered her skin from her nights he tormented her, she remembered once when he had gotten angry with her and had belted in front of the other girls during his class, he left scars along her spine that wouldn't go away. She shivered at the memory.

"What's the matter Herm?" lavender asked seeing Hermione's vacant expression as she put on her pyjama pants, Hermione turned away from the girls and shrugged.

"Nothing, I'm just not tired, I think I'll go down to the common room and read for a bit." Lavender shrugged and when back to talking to Pavarti as she got into bed.

Down in the common room she sat in front of the fire curled up in a cushy arm chair gazing into the fire, she called for her Discman and it came down from her dorm, she sat in the empty common room gazing into the fire listening to the sad voice of 'the cranberries', she didn't usually listen to this kind of music but something about their songs made her feel safe and not alone, she sang along quietly to herself in the silent common room, nobody knew she sang, she was ashamed for some unknown reason of her talent. She absently stared into the flames as she sung quietly thinking about the world she once knew.

_Look, you're standing alone  
How ever I should have known  
Never before, never again,  
You will ignore, I will pretend.  
Never before, never again,  
You will ignore, I will pretend.  
_

Why did she believe she had known what life was? Why hadn't she ever realised that there are so many things in life that she hadn't experienced yet, and that she didn't want to have to experience.

Maybe that's it, maybe she didn't want to acknowledge their existence because it would bring down her perfect life, it would bring her out of this bubble that she lived in.

_In your world, you're alone in your face.  
You're alone in your world; you're alone in your face.  
How you said you never would leave me alone, oh.  
How you said you never would leave me alone._

She thought silently about everything that had happened over the summer break, as she tried to stay awake to keep the dreams from invading her brain.

Every body ignore others pain, they believed they had enough troubles to deal with on their own without bringing other peoples pain in as well.

_  
Now you're just walking away  
When you said you always would stay   
Never before, never again,  
You will ignore, I will pretend.   
Never before, never again,  
You will ignore, I will pretend._

Take Harry for example he had lost his parents because of Voldmort, then he lost Sirius so he believed he was alone even though he had the worry and care from all the people that loved and believed in him. People took pity on him because he never knew his parents or how great they were.

In his mind he was alone in a world that he believed he was in charge of keeping safe, he went looking for the fights. Or more correctly they came looking for him, giving him ample warning and time to train.

_In your world, you're alone in your face.  
You're alone in your world, you're alone in your face.  
How you said you never would leave me alone, oh.  
How you said you never would leave me alone.   
_

Where as Hermione didn't look or become warned about a drunken diver, she couldn't in any way have stopped her parent's death from happening, and she was left alone in a world where she had nothing. Not even her friends support. She wasn't warned at all about the orphanage and the nightly brigades of pain and suffering she was to live through, no she had no warning just the memories of the previous night that made her wither in pain and shake in fear. That wasn't much help to keep a man twice the size off of you.

_Never before, never again,  
You will ignore, I will pretend.  
In your world, you're alone in your face.  
You're alone in your world, you're alone in your face.  
_

She was alone in this world wether she wished for help or not. People died, and others take advantage of peoples weaknesses, not caring if it's sadistic or wrong just as long as they had fun.

_  
How you said you never would leave me alone, oh.  
How you said you never would leave me alone_

'_People in this world are always alone'_ she thought bitterly and stood up walking from the common room out into the corridors of Hogwarts she didn't care wether she was caught or not being out after hours she didn't care about anything anymore.

Draco Malfoy entered the Slytherin common room later that evening and sat staring at the fire sitting in his usual seat away from everyone else. The common room filled as the feast ended but soon the students began drifting of to their dorms to their waiting beds. The same thing happened every night, eat, sleep and be merry, well as merry as Slytherin's can be.

It was nearing midnight when the last of the students retreated to their dorms.

"Another night of no sleep then draco?" a fellow seventh year William asked as he passed him on the way to the boys dorms.

During their sixth year William had found it nearly impossible to get to sleep and had found Draco sitting in the common room every night. They had become close during the longs nights but all would be forgotten come sunrise, and Draco would go back to being the Slytherin king and William would return to being a quiet rude individual during the day.

"Yes, I find it just plain dull staring at the same canopy each night" Draco replied not looking away from the fire.

"You know if you go and tell Pomfrey that you're an insomniac then she can fix it like that" he snapped his fingers for effect.

"I don't want to be cured, sleep is a waist of time and completely unnecessary" he replied bitterly. William shrugged and headed off to bed, muttering a 'whatever' leaving Draco to sit in silence.

Draco didn't move from his spot except when he got up quickly and got his sketch pad from his room and looked a pencil, before retreating back to his seat.

He sat and drew wordlessly a picture of a beautiful girl staring into a mirror, she looked perfectly happy. The reflection in the mirror was of the same girl but she was mutilated and bleeding, she had chains hanging from her wrists and ankles the reflections mouth was formed in a silent scream and her eyes were bleeding and seemed to be searching for help, draco sighed and looked at the picture that was now on his paper before writing under neither 'She is not alone is what she hides from the world.' And he switched to another page.

On this page he sat drawing an elegant rose being held by a hand, its thorns dug into the hand making it bleed, it looked so real that when Draco looked down at the picture he could almost feel the pain it was bringing.

Draco was no stranger to pain, both from himself and others. He once again traced the marks on his arms feeling comfort in knowing that nobody else brought gave them to him but himself.

Slowly without thinking he brought out a blade hidden within his pocket and played with it as he slowly stood up and walked out of the common room scraping his skin lightly as he walked along the halls. He reached the third floor and sat down in front of a picture of a dragon who was surrounded by bones and swords the dragon itself was asleep and looked perfectly at peace with the world, he hummed lazily to himself as he raised the blade to his wrist, he slowly pierced his skin letting blood flow out, he began slowly moving the blade down his wrist feeling the familiar wash of pain sweep over him as he watched his crimson red blood trickle down his arm he lifted the blade off his skin and looked at his wound, it was just like the others. He placed the blade onto his wrist again next to his last cut, and dug it deeper into himself watching the blood run faster he leaned his head back onto the cold stone wall behind him feeling wave after wave of slow numb pain creep up his arm.

Suddenly he heard footsteps coming they didn't sound like a teachers they were lighter and seemed to belong to somebody who didn't care in the least that they were out of their house way after curfew.

He slowly heard the footsteps coming closer then he felt a presence lean down next to him and his hand being lifted up off the floor where it rested.

"Doesn't it hurt?" Hermione's voice broke the silence.

"Of course it hurts" Draco said not opening his eyes.

"Then why do you do it?" she asked as she lifted him up off the floor,

"Because I'm making the pain, no body else" he whispered before he collapsed and leaned his full weight on her. She nodded silently to herself as she walked him to the infirmary, she understood what he meant.

"Madam Pomfrey?" Hermione called softly as she entered the hospital wing and placed Draco on a bed. She immediately appeared out of her office and walked towards the bed.

"Oh dear, not again" she muttered as she inspected Draco's wrist.

"You've healed his cuts before?" Hermione asked curiously,

"Yes dear, he's been doing it for almost a year now, but- Oh my," she stoped talking as she pulled up his sleeve and inspected the rest of his scars. "he started near the end of last school year, the poor dear he has so much inside him that he cant let out." That was all she said before she finished healing his scars and began cleaning up his blood. "Could you watch him for a moment please?" Hermione nodded and looked down at Draco's unconscious form.

Five minutes later draco woke up and looked around before resting his head on the pillow, "I guess I cut a little to deeply again hey Pom?" he said emotionless as madam Pomfrey approached him, she had a sour look on his face but didn't pester him. "What are you doing up this time of night any way granger?" Draco asked as he faced Hermione. She shrugged and looked down at him.

"Don't sleep all to well, thought I'd take a walk" he nodded and then got out of bed madam Pomfrey started to protest but he raised his hand and silenced her.

"I know I know, I shouldn't be up, yadda yadda yadda, you've said it all before" he said impatiently before he got up and headed towards the door before turning around and facing Hermione again, "thanks. Sorry if I scared you." Then walked out the door, being closely followed by Hermione.

"Why are you sorry if you scared me?" He turned and faced her.

"Well unless you see you enemy bleeding to death in the middle of the corridor a lot then I would have assumed you'd be a bit taken aback" he said shrugging and continued walking down the corridor but was stopped by her voice, it was full of sadness but also a small glint of hope and release.

"I always wanted to do that, cut myself and see how much I bleed, watch as my life slowly flow's out of me, I just could never do it, I would be scared that someone would walk in and freak, then send me to St. Mungo's or something." She whispered more to herself then to him. She looked at his now healed scars. He stepped closer, but for the first time she didn't step back she let him approach her.

"Why don't you ever try? Let all the pain and anger you hold come out of you, that's why I do it, just because I'm so fucking pissed at life I take it out on myself, let me be in control of the pain for a while." She looked up at his eyes, getting lost in the stormy silver orbs.

"Because I might not be able to stop" she said before slowly walking past him towards the Gryffindor tower.

Draco watched her leave and smiled softly at her retreating form. _'Maybe I'm not as alone as I thought' _he thought before starting the walk back to the Slytherin dungeons.

**A/N** Well there you have it, the fourth chapter its going to get a bit interesting soon enough, I hope you enjoyed it. Thanks to all my reviewers, you know who you are.

Review or I won't up date ever again. But if you do update I'll have the next chapter up soon.


	6. I am not him

_Salt in your wounds_

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Harry potter or anything else in this blastered Fic except the plot line.

**CHAPTER**

_I am not him_

Hermione granger stood in front of the headmasters office as lunch began, she wondered how she would phrase what she wanted to say, so he didn't find it necessary to ask for more information, she stood there for a couple of minutes staring at the gargoyle that hid the entrance to his office. Finally she spoke "_Cornea's confectionary .co_" and watched as the gargoyle jumped aside revealing the moving stair case.

Before she had a chance to nock on the door it was opened by a very tired looking madam Pomfrey,

"Good morning ms granger, it's good to see you again" she said briskly before leaving.

"Yes ms. granger?" professor Dumbledore asked gesturing for her to sit on the opposite side of his desk.

"Well professor, I was wondering if I could ask you a question" she stated deciding on not beating around the bush. Dumbledore gestured for her to continue. Hermione took a deep breath and closed her eyes psyching herself up silently before opening her eyes once more and smiling at the headmaster.

"well professor I would like to request to have a private dorm," Dumbledore's eyebrows slowly rose and she continued quickly, "it is just recently I've been suffering from nightmares, and I would often wake up screaming, and if not then I will mutter or scream in my sleep until I am woken, I don't think it would be very kind to have to inflict theses problems onto the girls I share a dorm with" Dumbledore nodded once resting his chin on his hands.

"Well I under stand the problem, but tell me, have you been to see madam Pomfrey about your nightmares?" Hermione shook her head and spoke quietly.

"I don't like the idea of having a lack of control over my sleep" Dumbledore nodded and slowly let out a breath.

"Fare enough, I will grant you a private dorm, only due to your position as head girl and the fact that you have been a responsible student and have continued to be so far in your years at Hogwarts. Professor McGonagall will show you to your dorms after dinner so you can settle in before you go to sleep tonight." Hermione nodded and smiled as she left the office, smiling broadly at the idea of having her own room. _'Nobody has to find out about my past now' _she thought happily as she entered the great hall to eat for the remainder of lunch.

As she entered the great hall she noticed that Harry and Ron hadn't saved her a seat anywhere near them, her smile faltered but didn't disappear entirely. So she sat herself obediently next to Ginny, Ron's younger sister, who smiled at her from over her potions book which was leaning against a pumpkin juice jug, a trick she had learned from Hermione. She smiled back before setting upon devouring her meagre lunch, her stomach protested to all the food that Hermione ate; she hadn't eaten very well since her parents died. She stopped eating halfway through and pushed her plate aside as she looked over her transfiguration essay she had received the day before.

At no time during lunch did Harry or Ron look away from their girlfriends or quidditch team mates to look down the table for her.

"So how have you been Ginny?" Hermione asked after ten minutes of content silence between the two, Ginny smiled and put her book mark in her book.

"I've been great, I found out all about this new potion, it stops you from bleeding when cut, it saved hundreds of lives during some war, just because every time one of their warriors were cut or even stabbed they didn't lose any blood and there for kept fighting" Ginny squealed with delight as she told her interested listener about the potion. "its called the 'caedes' potion, its really powerful and complex to make but its absolutely fascinating to learn about" during Ginny Weasleys years at Hogwarts she had become transfixed by the art of potion making much to the delight of potions master professor Snape although he refused to admit it, he was pleased that somebody had taken such a love of potions.

"That's wonderful Ginny, I'm so pleased you've found something you love so much" Ginny grinned and stood up with Hermione as they left the table ad exited the great hall still talking about the potion.

"Hey Hermione, we didn't see you at lunch, where were you?" Ron asked as he and Harry left their group and headed towards her.

"I was sitting with Ginny, we had some girl talk" she said smiling brightly at Ginny silently telling her to follow her lead. Harry raised an eyebrow and looked suspicious, but Ron seemed happy in avoiding any conversation about 'girl stuff'.

"Come on, we'd better go to class, don't want to be late to McGonagall's class" Harry said as they began walking up the flights of stairs that would take them to their classroom.

Draco entered transfiguration class and spotted the golden trio sitting in their usual seats near the front, he glanced quickly at Hermione as she sat silently between the two goons, tapping her quill absently on the table with her eyes closed as if she was listening to music, nodding her head with the beat slowly, before being pulled out of her trance by Harry nudging her and asking a question. She nodded and he looked at her paper before quickly scribbling on the end of a piece of parchment filled with messy handwriting. _'Probably cheating off of her for their homework'_ he thought quickly before pulling his gaze away and being led to another table by Crabbe and Goyal who had been quietly conversing behind him.

Professor McGonagall entered the classroom moments later and instructed them to hand in their homework. Everybody in the class placed their essays on the table in front of them and their paper was magically taken away from them. She counted them quickly and nodded with satisfaction before starting the class by telling them about the up coming N.E.W.T's. draco droned out her voice and quietly started to draw on his parchment, without realising he began to draw a cemetery with only one gravestone legible 'here lies D. Malfoy, finally free' was all it read no dates or anything. Crabbe nudged him slightly to get his attention but caused him to put a large line across the paper, he sighed coming out of the trance he was often in when drawing and scrunched the paper up and tossed it to the edge of the table. "What?" he whispered to Crabbe not looking up from the teacher.

"I was wondering if you had slept well last night" draco raised his eyebrow at his sceptically and decided not to answer thinking it completely odd to be asked by a fellow Slytherin, half way through the day whether he had slept well or not. So instead he copied down the notes that had appeared on the board as McGonagall talked.

At the end of the class professor McGonagall asked Hermione and Draco to stay behind to work on some paperwork that they were required to do as heads. They agreed and she led them to a empty classroom next to hers where 5 piles of paper a meter high each stood waiting for them.

"How are you?" Hermione asked after a moment of silence after the door of the room had closed, her eyes flickered on his wrist where she knew his most recent scars lay. Draco let the corners of his mouth curl up ever so slightly before answering with a shrug and an emotionless "fine". Hermione frowned slightly before they set about working on their piles without a word said between them.

An hour after they began they found themselves seated on the floor surrounded by papers, draco was leaning against a wall with his legs outstretched in front of him, clicking his tongue ring absently and Hermione laying on her stomach before him.

"Does it hurt?" Hermione asked after a while of listening to his tongue ring clicking, she gestured to his mouth absently with her quill.

"It's just like having your ears pierced" he said as he scribbled away at a piece of paper. Hermione lifted her hands to touch her unpierced ears.

"And how does that feel?" she asked smiling as he looked up at her and noticed he ears. He smiled and was about to answer when the door opened and Harry and Ron walked in.

"Hey herm, what are you doing here you missed the last class" they said grinning before noticing Draco sitting down and they sneered at him and spat a greeting "Malfoy" and turning back to Hermione with the sneer just disappearing from his face "We'll see you later herm, I don't want to spend any longer then I have to around him" Harry said jabbing his thumb at Draco. Hermione nodded and she looked at Draco as the door closed, she found a sneer on his face and his black nails were digging into his palms.

"Don't worry about them Malfoy, they wont do anything if you don't provoke them first" she said noticing the bitterness that enter her voice, she regretted it being there, it wasn't Draco she was angry at it was Harry and Ron for acting that way that made her angry.

"I didn't provoke them then, is that them being nice? Or does my presence alone bother them so much?" he asked bitterly looking into her eyes not blinking, suddenly Hermione found herself becoming angry with him and his response, as well as openly insulting her friends.

"Well its not like you have been exactly civilised to us for the past six years" she said her voice becoming a little louder then it was intended.

"Oh well don't worry, I've had my fair share of slaps, kicks, _and_ punches" he yelled back, making Hermione regret raising her voice at him, it was true, no matter how much he had verbally abused them over the years Harry and Ron, and on one occasion even herself had resorted to physical violence rather then verbal. But still she couldn't control her anger anymore and found herself shouting at him.

"Shut up Malfoy, just shut up" to her surprise he didn't yell back, he just looked down at his paper and whispered harshly.

"Don't call me that" Hermione looked at him utterly confused.

"What?" he looked up into her eyes and she saw nothing but flaming anger.

"I said don't call me that. Are you deaf?" Hermione sat in shock and before she could stop herself she found herself chanting cruelly.

"Malfoy, Malfoy, Malfoy." he stood up throwing the papers across the room, his eyes ablaze with anger again.

"Don't call me by that name! I'm not my father and I will never be my bastard father so don't call me by a name that he is fucking known by! I am not him and I will never he him!" he shouted loudly before storming out of the room not before glaring at her with pure hate. "I am not him" he said quieter before closing the door. Hermione could hear his footsteps echo down the corridor. Followed by another set of footsteps coming from the classroom next door, professor McGonagall entered the messed up classroom in which Hermione sat alone in the middle of a pile of half finished papers

**A/N** there you go, another chapter up, not exactly the best but still, its making the story, delving deeper into the mind of Malfoy.

Thanks to my wonderful reviewers, once again their all so good for my ego.

**AshleyStarr**

**Mrs.Phelps()-** I'll try but I'm concentrating on this story for the moment.

**BabyBat –** I agree the picture he drew is cool, a friend of mine once drew it and I put it in here because I loved it so much.

**Hell's Wolf**

**iLUVphelps**

**CherryBlossomAngel-225**

**xputteckx()**

**aries66**

**dramaqueen72**

**lost in his eyes**-yes it would be cool if you become my proof-reader, in truth if I re read the chapters all over again I end up going mad and chucking a brick at the screen because of my really crap punctuation and spelling. So I think it would be safer to have you read it and tell me if it's good and correct anything that is politically incorrect. My email is- email me and I'll email the next chapter to you.

**potts()-** and don't worry, its not going to become a free for all cutting fest but she may end up with a few scars but not because draco wants her to get them, more of a last resort thing.


	7. Only statues

_Salt in your wounds_

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Harry potter or anything else in this blastered Fic except the plot line.

**CHAPTER**

_Only statues _

The days kept passing, not a word was spoken between Hermione and Draco since their fight. When they saw each other Hermione would look away, not wanting to see the only person that possibly understood how she felt inside, dead and alone. Draco would continue walking, not glancing at her or her two comrades who were often with her, talking about nothing in particular.

At night Hermione would sit in her new room rocking back and forth as she listened to the dark melodies that emitted themselves out of her CD player. She would sing quietly in no more then a whisper as she stared sadly out the window.

Draco would sit alone in the Slytherin common room, watching the fire crack as he drew in a worn out notebook. He didn't find the same release in it as he usually did, he would often find himself drawing the tear stained face of a girl who once had frizzy, mouse-brown hair but now was in tight ringlets cascading down her back, coloured in the blackest black.

Often when he realised who he was drawing he would rip the page out and throw it into the fire watching as it burned other times he would sit and look at it thinking about the times when she would smile and laugh with her friends on the other side of the Great Hall.

'_Hw dare she call me that, how could anybody think that it's just a name, its more then a name, it was my being, it was who I was, I was a Malfoy and Malfoy's live by particular rules. 'Malfoy' isn't just a name, it's a race of being, uncaring and heartless, a being that would do anything that got them what they wanted. How could anybody call me by that?'_ He thought bitterly to himself as he looked at her from across the Great Hall, she didn't try and hide her pain like she did at the start of the year, she sat sullenly at the table staring down at her plate, often not eating. She wouldn't laugh when her friends did stupid things or tell a joke, the most she would do was force a small smile onto her face, but it never lit up her eyes. _'She's slowly turning into me, emotionless, senseless, dead to the world'_ he looked at her again and caught her looking back at him; she looked away before he had a chance to react. _'And what's worst is nobody will notice, just like they didn't notice me. Our deaths will be recognised, but not cared about. To the world...' _he looked at her again and saw her flinch openly to a hug from Ron as he and Harry ran off towards the door. _'To the world we are only statues.' _

Never had life been hard before, 'Take the blows, they'll make you a man.' 'Don't speak unless spoken to.' 'Don't say a word of your scars.' 'Don't tell a soul about what you've seen.' That's all Draco's life had been, full of rules and lies and beatings. He had taken out his anger by having sex, never caring who the girl was, they were all willing, that how he got the name "Sex god of Hogwarts", he didn't care for the girl, often he wouldn't even know their name.

He had wished since he was younger that it was all a dream, and that some day he would wake up and be in a nice cosy house with a mum and dad that loved him. That dream had died the night he had apperated away from his beating.

Before he had found Natasha and Tommy he had hated existence, hated all the pain, hated all the things that he didn't have, he hated the happiness that other people had and didn't even know. After he had found them, their images would haunt him in his sleep. He remembered how he held Natasha's body close to his own willing her to come back to him, he sat with her for an hour before retrieving Tommy's body from where he hung, rocking him backwards and forwards singing a soft lullaby as though he was only asleep before lying him down onto his crib and leaving both of the people he had loved most in the world alone in the cold house.

Draco shuddered at the memory of their lifeless bodies hanging in his arms, _'None of them would ever understand.'_ He thought before exiting the Great Hall and heading up to the astronomy tower to escape his last couple of classes.

Hermione watched as Draco left the hall, he spared her a glance as he left. She wanted to reach out to him and tell him she was sorry for the way she acted and that she hadn't been angry at him, but at the two people who thought knew her. They weren't even close, they didn't notice her tear strained face when they woke her in the common room at one the other night, they didn't notice her pain that she tried to hide. Draco was the only one that saw her panic, saw her reach out and trace his scars.

'_Why the hell should you bother living if all you can do is lie to your friends and hurt the person who already hurts and yet understands you?'_ she shook her head slowly as she herself raised from her seat and exited the hall. _'Why the hell should I continue to feel guilty for not missing the people who you barely knew after their death? Maybe that's the reason why I wake from my dreams of reliving my rape, and am constantly reminded of it every time I see my body in the mirror; because its my parents fault that it happened. If they had taken the time to make plans for me if by chance they died then I wouldn't have been sent to that place.'_ These thought brought a wave of guilt with them, _'its not their fault, I cant blame anyone except him.'_ she thought silently of the girls she left to endure it, she hadn't been able to take them all. Each time she thought of the girls she had seen bruised and scared and bleeding from after their turns tears would well up in her eyes, but they would never fall, she refused to let them fall. She thought of the story the girls had told her about a girl who had died after he had gotten annoyed by her and had beat her in the head repeatedly until she lost consciousness, but even then it had been to late and she was already dead. She shuddered as she remembered the looks on the older girl's faces as they remembered the screams that had emitted from the closed door.

Her feet led her down a corridor that headed towards the astronomy tower, the tallest tower that the castle possessed. It faced towards the hills; below you was a sheer drop on to overgrown grass. People barely went to that side of the castle grounds.

As she reached the top of the stairs she breathed in the crisp air, and closed her eyes as she headed towards the edge, she opened her eyes and smiled a true smile at the view; slowly she stood up onto the hard stones. She let the wind rock her body in a rhythmic motion and finally became aware of the other person who stood looking out at the view. Draco stood half concealed by shadow staring at the far-off mountains.

He looked up at her pondering whether to let her stay there, he himself had stood up there for a while when he had first come up pondering the very same thing she now thought about.

"What would happen if I jump?" she asked him not looking away from the sky. She heard him sigh softly before replying

"Your death would make people wonder, make them wonder what made the perfect Gryffindor head girl jump," he said slowly.

"I'm not perfect" she stated absently as if she had said she liked cream better then custard.

"I know your not, you told me yourself, but others aren't as observant as I am, they see your life as all colours and rainbows, your best friends with potter, he's so fucking loyal and trustworthy, they don't even notice that you've stopped smiling, they don't notice that the 'golden girl' of Gryffindor doesn't laugh with their hero.

The other possibility is that potter wont believe his 'golden girl' would do that to herself, since he doesn't seem to notice the fact that your barely eat, and you seem not to sleep that much. Then he would become possessed trying to find the person that had forced you to jump, he'd insist that someone put you under the imperious curse to get to him" he sighed softly again.

"How long would it take them to find me?" Hermione asked quietly after a moment of silence, Draco looked up at her again; no smile was evident of his pale face.

"As long as it takes for them to notice your absence" she nodded slowly before saying no louder then a whisper

"Give it a day, maybe two" she looked down at Draco who nodded slowly closing his eyes.

"To jump from the tallest tower to escape the evil that dwells in the world, seems like something that you'd read in a fairytale, sick and twisted like they are." Draco let out an airy laugh that held no emotion. Hermione looked down at the mountains in the horizon.

"What would you do if I jump?" she asked quietly looking at him again with nothing in her eyes. Draco let out a sigh and looked down at the ground below the tower.

"I'd join you in the sky" he said finally looking back up at her, she nodded slowly but didn't get off the ledge.

"I used to wish for knowledge, I used to thirst for it, want the very thing in my blood. I don't know why I stopped that need, I don't know how I got over the addiction of finding out more" she said absently. Draco sat down on the edge letting his legs hang over the side.

"Maybe you realised that knowledge is the thing that kills us softly from inside. Knowledge can be an amazing thing at the beginning, but then you realise that to gain more of it, you have to experience what they speak of, numbers and theories are all well and good, but that's all they'll ever be, you have to experience to gain the true knowledge." Draco paused and leaned far over the edge. "And sometimes the experience is not good, the things it does to your mind and your body, the way it can treats you, treating you like a piece of filth, like you are nothing. Soon you begin to fear the thing that you had seeked for all that time." He leaned back and looked at Hermione who was staring at the sky contemplating his words; she nodded slowly and sat down on the edge next to him.

"Why is it that no one sees?" Hermione asked after staring at the ground beneath them for a couple of minutes, not once did draco move from his position, staring out past the hills.

"because they don't want to, they don't want their perfect lives destroyed by the truth, that's why people fear evil, evil is all the things people banish from their lives, all the things they ignored all the peoples pain that passed them by, its all in there, all in evil. They don't want to see it so they pretend it isn't there" Hermione nodded and leaned her head onto Draco's chest; she didn't flinch or shy away when he lifted his arm around her shoulders instead of being immediately bombarded with images of her painful past she felt comforted and safe.

If a passer on the ground would look up they would see two bodies sitting on the edge of a tower, and would think absently that it is a couple in love. How far from the truth.

But if someone was to pass by, on a broom or in a plane, they would see two sad looking teenagers dressed in black sitting on the edge of the tallest tower not bothered by the wind that lapped at their bodies, neither smiled or spoke, letting their thoughts take control, seeming to fill the air around them with a feeling of pain and regret..

**A/N** there the latest chapter!

Thanks to my proof reader- lost in his eyes

And also thanks to my reviewers

**TearsoftheInnocents**

**dramaqueen72**

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**someone()**

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**damned for eternity**

So now that you've read, it's time to review it and it will be updates soon tell me if you like it or if you think something in it is complete and utter bollix.


	8. Perfect

_Salt in your wounds_

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Harry potter or any of the other characters or the places or anything this plot is mine but that's about it.

I don't own the music, the first song.... (That she sings to herself along with the C.D) is 'war all the time' by Thursday and the second song is... 'The road I'm on' by Three doors down.

**CHAPTER**

_Perfect_

Hermione entered the Gryffindor common room about an hour before dinner started. Each head looked up when she entered but they all soon returned to what they where previously doing upon realising that it wasn't anything to do with them.

'_Alone is this world that I hide from within the covers of sound and thought, helpless to the lies that creep within the skin' _she smiled blandly to herself thinking how true the words rang.

Harry and Ron waved her over towards where they sat playing chess.

"Hey Herm. Where were you last class? You missed the Perpertrosis charm. We have to do an essay on it." Ron said as she sat down and faced the flames that warmed her chilled body. Harry turned away from the chess set as his knight got smashed.

"Yeah Hermione where were you? We were looking for you" Hermione didn't look away, she was thinking about what Draco had said about how they didn't notice a thing. Her worst enemy of six years noticed her pain and her best friends didn't.

"No where" she stated not looking away from the fire that seemed so welcoming.

"Oh come on, just tell me where you were, it's not that hard." Harry persisted. _'Sitting on the edge of the astronomy tower with your worst enemy contemplating what would happen if I jumped' _she thought bitterly.

"Maybe it bloody well is" she replied but didn't raise her voice, not even changing her expression.

"We were looking for you" Ron stated

"Why? So you could borrow my homework? Or maybe a quill? Did you lose your book again and need me to lend you mine?" she said in the same monotone as before. Harry and Ron looked at each other before looking back at her.

"No, that's not it; we just wondered where you were. We're your friends we're allowed to worry about your well being." Harry said placing a hand on her shoulder. She immediately tensed up and shook it off.

"Please" she said in a whisper looking down at her hands that sat in her lap. "Don't touch me" before she stood up and moved towards the girls dormitories. Harry and Ron both shrugged before returning back to finish their game. They'd deal with her later; they thought cheerfully thinking it wasn't any big deal.

"Hermione open up" the voice of Harry called through the hard wood of the dorm door, Hermione sat sullenly rocking backwards and forwards steadily to the rhythm of the music that filled her room.

"Herm!! Open up, we need to talk to you" Ron stated trying to pull the locked door open.

"Standing on the edge of the palisades cliffs in the shadow of the skyline very far away a lightning rod that couldn't pull the storm from me" Hermione sung softly to the new song that started playing, she sung along as she walked slowly across the room towards the locked door. "Come back later, I'm tired and I want to go to bed" she called through to her two friends.

"No! Hermione Granger open this door this moment, we need to talk about this" Hermione sighed softly and opened the door letting her friends enter her sanctuary

"Why did you tell us you moved rooms?" Ron asked curiously as he bounced lightly on the bed. Hermione shrugged and mumbled

"I thought you knew" Harry turned and faced her from where he was standing viewing the room.

"How could we? You never talk to us anymore! We don't know where you are half the time" with this statement Hermione felt anger brew in the pit of her stomach

"How can I talk to you?! You're both to busy snogging your bloody girlfriends to notice jack about me!" she yelled as she slammed the door closed. "How long was it before you noticed I wasn't there? How long before you wondered where I had got to?" she yelled again as she stood in the middle of the room. Harry and Ron mumbled something but she couldn't hear what it was.

The music kept playing in the background soothing Hermione as she looked in distaste at her two friends. "I'm sorry I didn't catch that," she said sarcastically

"we thought you were in the library" Ron said bravely Hermione closed her eyes and nodded to the music slowly calming herself, _'How long would it take them to find me' _she heard her own voice echo in her head and then the bitter reply from draco _'As long as it takes for them to notice your absence' _she shook her head and felt the rage envelope her.

"How the hell should we know that you weren't? We barely know where you are!" Harry shouted.

"I never know where you are! If you were really my friends then you would ask me where I go before I go there. Then you'd know where to find me! I don't bombard you with stupid questions and accusations about where you should be!" Hermione shouted back.

"Ask you? Like you ever ask us." Hermione nearly spat when he said this.

"I always ask you, you're just too thick to comprehend a simple question, that or you ignore me completely and continue fucking around with your girlfriends in public!" Harry narrowed his eyes and his face became red as he spat in indignation.

"We don't need to ask you! Where the hell else would you be? It's not like you had a fucking boyfriend! Your nothing but a bloody bookworm you bloody belong in the library" Harry clapped his hands over his mouth as he realised what he had said, "I'm so-" Hermione raised her hand and broke the bitter silence that filled the room-he had gone too far.

"Don't apologise, don't you dare say you're sorry! Get out Harry James potter! Get the hell out" she didn't look at him again just pointed to the door, Harry didn't move, Ron sat in silence on the bed, no hint of a smile was present on his face.

_She said life's a lot to think about sometimes  
When you're living in between the lines  
And all the stars are sparkling, shine everyday  
He said life's so hard to move in sometimes  
When it feels like I'm in the line  
And no one even cares to ask me why I feel this way_

A new song began playing as Hermione felt the anger that had left her moments ago and had been replaced with sadness and betrayal, begin to return. Because of her friends stubbornness to leave.

"What are you fucking deaf? I said leave!" Harry didn't more

"Hermione I didn't mean it. I'm sorry-" Hermione shook her head and glared a him.

"Just shut up and leave! Go back to your fucking girlfriends. If you think of me like that then just continue, ignore me like you usually do! Just use me for fucking homework like you usually do!" she said as she literally pushed them out the door.

_And I know you feel helpless now, and I know you feel, hold on_

_That's the same road, the same road that I'm on, yeah_

Hermione sat down on the bed again thinking about what just happened. _'Everything just keeps getting better and better'_ Hermione sat alone in her bedroom looking through the window at the grounds below.

Hermione turned around from the view out the window when she heard a knock on the door followed by professor McGonagall's shrill voice.

"Ms Granger I would like to speak with you for a moment if you please" Hermione stood straight away neatening her robes and calling an unlocking spell towards the door allowing her head of house entrance.

"Of course professor" she called softly. Professor McGonagall entered looking around the small room for Hermione, soon finding her standing obediently next to her bed.

"I'm coming to inform you that you and the head boy are required to dinner with a couple of representatives of the school councils and educational ministers. There will be one muggle teacher, two ministry officials along with Mr Fudge and headmasters from two other wizarding schools" Hermione nodded dutifully

"I am aware of this, you told us before." The professor nodded and took a step forward

"Yes, I've just come to ask you a favour" she paused and it seemed like she wasn't going toy continue, Hermione raised an eyebrow slowly wondering what the favour was. McGonagall cleared her throat before continuing. "yes, I was wondering if you could look after Mr Malfoy, I fear he may... act inappropriately and I think it would be best if he behaved himself both for the reputation of the school and professor Dumbledore" Hermione nodded and suppressed a small smile.

"Yes Professor I will make sure that Malfoy doesn't ruin this and make the school look bad." Professor McGonagall nodded and let out a small smile before leaving closing the door behind her.

Once the door was closed and she had heard the teachers retreating footsteps Hermione let out a loud cry of frustration that filled the room drowning out the music.

_What you thought was real in life, somehow steer you wrong  
And now you just keep trying and trying to find where you belong  
  
I know you feel helpless now, I know you feel, hold on  
That's the same, the same road that I'm on_

"Why the hell is it always Malfoy that's going to ruin it all? Why is it Harry and Ron who are always going to break the rules, why the fuck do they always have to rely on me?! Bloody trustworthy me!" she said in between loud shouts of frustration. "Why cant I bend the rules? Or even snap them? Why the hell does everyone believe I'm so bloody trustworthy?!" she pulled her hangings down from her four poster bed trowing them across the room before ripping off the sheets of her neatly made bed and kicking the wall angrily and tipping over her bedside table. "Why the hell so I always have to be so fucking perfect!?" she yelled again as she threw all her books across the room from where they lay.

Soon Hermione lay crumpled in a small pile in the middle of her room surrounded by clothes and makeup and books. She wept to herself as she whispered through her heart renching sobs "why me? Why the hell do I always have to be perfect? Why cant I be bad? Why does everyone see me as a freak and a perfectionist? I'm not perfect so why do people think I am?" Soon she drifted off into an uneasy sleep missing dinner.

Hermione stayed in the same spot until late that night when she was woken by a small house elf that came to clean her room. I know I know

"Miss should be at the hospital wing" the small elf stated as he helped her crumpled body off the floor

"No really that isn't necessary I'm perfectly fine." The elf shook her head ruthfully

"No miss, you will go to the hospital wing" Hermione sighed softly as she let the small elf take her to the infirmary.

**A/N** another chapter done, I'll have another one on soon. And I'm completely aware that there was no Draco in this chapter but don't worry he'll be in the next.

Review it please I want to know what you think. Just no flames- constructive criticism is welcome just not flames (I'm flame phobic)

**P.S** I'm sorry if you think Harry and Ron are a little out of character, but in truth I don't think that I'm THAT far off the mark, so if you think I've completely destroyed Harry and JK would shake her head in shame then tell me and I'll make him more emotional and observant to herms feelings. (I could always blame it on his PMS.)

Thanks every one who reviews (ed) your all darlings.

And sorry to my darling proof reader –lost in his eyes- didn't have time for you to proof read it sorry Hun, but I'm going to send you the next one as soon as I can.


	9. I'm sorry

_Salt in your wounds_

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Harry potter or any of the other characters or the places or anything this plot is mine but that's about it anything that you recognise is not mine either, although I'm pretty sure there isn't much.

_**Once again lost in his eyes I was in desperate need to update so I couldn't ask you to proof read. And I'll give you the one after the next sorry about my slackness.**_

**CHAPTER**

_I'm sorry._

Hermione felt cold clammy fingers caress her naked body. She let out a whimper of pain and protests as he began a bruising kiss. His tongue forced entry into her mouth, he explored every crevice and corner with his tongue making her choke as he forcefully pushed it down her throat, so she couldn't breath.

Eventually he let her mouth go and began kissing down her body, occasionally biting down on her sensitive skin to draw blood. She let out yelps of pain each time he did this. Soon he lay on top of her as he bit and pulled at her nipples. She let the tears run down her face and would sob every time he bit her hard.

Without warning he plunged two fingers into her, she yelled out in pain as he seemed to scratch her insides. He grinned menacingly up at her as he pulled his fingers out and began pulling down his pants.

"No please don't! no, you cant, please don't do this." He looked up at her and glared.

"Shut up you stupid bitch" and shouted as he slapped her across the face.

He plunged himself deep into her breaking her barrier, taking away her innocence. He forced himself in and out of her moaning to himself, going harder to force more whimpers of pain and protest to escape her mouth.

"No, please, don't, no" the words echoed around the empty hospital wing, the words were followed by more sobs and slight screams of pain. "No! please don't no no no!" madam Pomfrey walked into the wing and looked around for the source of the noise, soon finding Hermione sweating and breathing hard, twisting around in her bed knotting up the sheets letting out painful sobs and pleas escape her lips.

"no don't touch me, don't please don't" she shouted trying to push off the nurse as she tried to give the girl a potion but she couldn't get it near her without it being knocked out of her hands and across the bed sheets.

Draco wandered around the school as he patrolled his designated corridors; he closed his eyes at the darkness. _'Why do so many things happen to those who had already been hurt?'_ he sighed and looked around the dark hall _'I wonder what would happen if I suddenly disappeared,'_ he let out a hollow laugh as this thought entered his brain. '_Pure and perfect happiness, no more would there be that nasty stain in society that was admittedly me'_

His train of thought was broken as he heard loud swearing and hurried footsteps. Draco followed the sound and saw a group of four boys, two from Slytherin, one from Gryffindor and another from Hufflepuff.

"Don't touch him, why don't you pick on someone your own age?" the Gryffindor shouted at he two Slytherin. The taller of the two remarked back but Draco had already tuned out. _'Gryffindor's, always trying to play hero to the little people, but yet they don't even notice when one of their own is hurting'_ he thought in disgust before breaking up the fight that had turned into a all out punch on. _'Honestly! That's what wands were made for!_' he felt like shouting as he held two of them apart.

"Come on," he growled as he led them to the hospital wing, the seconds years followed fearfully.

As Draco entered the hospital wing he heard a girl's voice crying out, the empty room was filled with the sounds of sobs reverberating off the walls.

"Please, no don't! Just stop please" the sobs and please echoed around not only the room but Draco head as well.

Madam Pomfrey came over looking stressed and a little worried when she saw Draco standing in the doorway she paused momentarily before noticing the small group of boys around him, she clucked her tongue in disapproval and started to fix them up quickly.

"Please..." the girl let out a louder sob and a small scream of pain. Draco slowly walked towards the bed and looked down at the tasselled body of Hermione granger.

"Granger" he whispered before raising his hand that hung limply at his side to touch the girls face. She let out another whimper, quieter then the others, draco caressed Hermione's cheek muttering calming words.

"shh... its alright, no ones going to hurt you, I'm here" soon Hermione's tossing stopped and she lay limply on her bed, her hand reached up and held Draco's that hand that was still placed on her face.

"Oh thank Merlin" madam Pomfrey gasped as she came towards the bed, and started to give Hermione's still sleeping form potions. "Thank you Mr. Malfoy, I think it best if you deal with the young boys now." Draco nodded diligently but didn't remove his hand from Hermione. "Really Mr. Malfoy, its time for you to leave, its late and you need some sleep, as do these boys." He nodded again removing his hand from Hermione's cheek. She let out the smallest whimper of protest before becoming silent again. As Malfoy reached the door madam Pomfrey spoke again. "oh, and mr. Malfoy, I do expect you to go to sleep, I'll be sending a house elf to cheek that you are." Draco nodded numbly before pulling the two Slytherin boys towards the dungeons by their shirt collars.

Draco stared up at the canopy above his bed, he rarely goes to his bed, he spends most his time wandering the halls or staring at the fire in the common room, he felt an over whelming urge to start drawing as he lay silently in the dark room, but he knew he couldn't Pomfrey elf would be here soon.

He stared at the canopy again.

_Green._

Just like Natasha's eyes, beautiful emeralds, that shone when she laughed he sighed again remembering her smile, her laugh. He closed his eyes slowly and let the images of Tommy and his mother laughing and playing along with him. And then Natasha's more mature conversations with him when Tommy had gone to bed_. 'Natasha, I really miss you'_ he thought right before the peaceful images were replaced by ones of their mangles and ravished bodies. And his nostrils filled with the smell of their death.

"**_This is what death smells like boy, get used to it, because you'll be smelling it a lot in your life you stupid ingrate!"_** her fathers voice rang through his ears as he remembered the night after he had found them, their bodies hung from the wall in the dungeon in his manor. His own father locked him in a room with the bodies of the only people who had ever loved him. For three days he was locked in there.

Three days of suffocating on the smell of their blood, looking at their cuts and wounds never being able to look away, never being able to touch or hold them. They didn't deserve this, it was too bad, the shouldn't have ever been hurt, it was his fault, if he hadn't run away none of that would have happened. _'But if you hadn't run away, you would never know what happiness was.'_ A distant voice replied in the back of his mind.

Draco sighed again opening his eyes.

"I'm sorry" he whispered "I'm sorry I ever met you, I'm sorry I ever felt happiness. Two perfect people shouldn't have been sacrificed for my happiness. I'm so sorry" he whispered hoarsely as his eyes slowly filled with tears.

**A/N** there's the next chapter, sorry it took longer then usual, and that it was shorter then usual, tell me if you liked it. I'll be updating really soon with the next chapter don't you worry about that.

_Thanks to all my reviewers you're wonderful for my ego_

Faith5321 / firehottie fourthiv() / ReginicSade87 / Wishingstarr() /

MaNdEe ReE 143 / black() / phoenix-tear-11

**dramaqueen72-** thanks for your constant reviews and its bloody cool to have someone who has been reading it from the start and has basically reviewed to each chapter.

**DarkRaven-04-** I have read some of your stories and I relate to both yours and mine, life's a bitch some people just don't realise that/

**Tamurl07-** the song that was playing in the back ground when she was fighting is 'the road I'm on' by 3 doors down

**Brilover**- suicidal, to most it just means one thing. To me? It means release

**blah()-** patience is a virtue... but yeah sorry if I keep making u wait

**Lanhar-** glade you see them my way.

**marina star-** glade you like it so much, I've started reading your story, just had to pause I kept getting distracted by my lack of updating.


	10. Mask rewrite

Salt in your wounds

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Harry potter or any of the other characters or the places or anything this plot is mine but that's about it anything that you recognise is not mine either, although I'm pretty sure there isn't much.

I don't own the song 'perfect' by simple plan

**CHAPTER**

Masks

Hermione entered the great hall late the next morning, and the morning after. A week passed and she barely ate, she found it hard to sleep and she couldn't be bothered listening in class, all her teachers -with the exception of professor Snape- asked her what the matter was when she didn't raise her hand to any questions during the lecture. Each time this happened, she would shrug lazily and say she wasn't feeling well, or that she was a bit tired from her patrol duties the night before. The teachers would nod knowingly and leave her be.

Nobody else noticed that the pristine head girl was barely alive; during meals she would bury her head in a large book not taking a word in or simply not turn up.

The teachers weren't the only ones that noticed Hermione's lack of participation in class; Draco would often shake his head sadly when he heard the girl's poor excuses, but say nothing.

The week slowly passed for Draco, each night a new wound would appear, on his arms, legs and a few on his chest, and each morning there would only be a thin white line where it used to be.

Friday came; he was greeted in the morning at the breakfast table where he merely pushed his food around not bothering to pretend to eat, by his father's black and grey owl. 'A letter from my bastard father. This should be fun!'

_Draco_

_I hear you have been slacking off, don't ask by whom for you know I wouldn't tell you, I've written to inform you that I have business to attend to and am unable to take you home this Christmas._

_Don't mess up the Malfoy name. if you do anything at all in which I would disapprove off then you will pay dearly._

_And if you fry anything like what you did this summer I will not hesitate to remove you._

_Don't reply I need not know your views._

_Lucius Malfoy._

'Business! What bullshit father, kissing the dark lords ass isn't business, it's your fucking day job.' Draco thought bitterly as he ripped up the parchment and dunking it in his pumpkin juice before leaving the hall to meet professor McGonagall to take himself and Hermione to the carriages that will take us to the important dinner they would be attending.

Draco let out a breath out a sigh of relief as he escaped the crowded great hall, 'so full of happy ignorant people who don't understand' he thought as he walked along the empty corridor.

"_Hey dad look at me, Think back and talk to me, Did I grow up according to plan, And do you think I'm wasting my time, Doing things I wanna do, But it hurts when you disapprove all along_" he laughed lightly at himself as he sang the first verse of the muggle song he had heard so often when he was with Natasha. He hummed for a bit trying to remember the words "Cuz we lost it all, Nothing lasts forever, I'm sorry I can't be perfect, Now it's just too late, And we can't go back, I'm sorry I can't be perfect he laughed again dwelling over the words.

"Never was much of a singer, what about you Granger?" he asked as he heard Hermione coming closer, and smelt her light familiar perfume. He heard her paused momentarily before joining him as he walked slowly down the corridor.

"Your not that bad, I've heard much worst" he laughed again but Hermione noticed it was hollow and without any emotion.

"What about you? What do you do besides being the brain behind the operations?" Hermione looked up at his sullen face.

"Sing, only to myself, when no one else is listening" Draco nodded mutely.

"It's good to have a release" Hermione nodded, this was the first time they had talked properly since the afternoon on the edge of the astronomy tower.

"What about you? Where's your release" he laughed lightly and looked at his arm. Hermione joined his amused smile. "Other then that" Draco smiled glancing up at the ceiling and then back down to Hermione, Hermione saw a flicker in his dull eyes.

"Draw, what ever, when ever" Hermione smiled and nodded. She opened her mouth to speak again but was interrupted by professor McGonagall's shrill voice.

"There you are, I was looking for you, come come, we must hurry we don't want to be late" she said impatiently as she walked past them completely, heading towards the entrance.

The two shrugged and followed diligently.

Professor McGonagall led them to one of the carriages that take them to the school on the first day. Draco paused quickly and raised a hand to stroke the Thestral he looked calmly at it and nearly smiled when it didn't pull away but stood there and seemed to nuzzle him for more pats.

McGonagall motioned for his to enter the carriage and sit down he did so somewhat hesitantly, he wanted to stay with the Thestral but new he couldn't.

"Now I won't be coming with you, so you have a three hour journey together. When you arrive you are expected to meet with professor Dumbledore quickly before you have your recreation time. Then at five you will be taken to the hall with the respected guests. I expect that you can do this; you have both earned professor Dumbledore and my self's trust. You are grown up now and I expect no petty rivalries. You are on display and I expect you to set a good example and make our school look good." Both students nodded. Professor McGonagall let a small smile cross her face before she left the carriage and told it to go.

And so began the long journey.

An hour into the trip Hermione pulled out a small book with faded pages and a hard leather cover. She looked through it finding where she had left it. It was a diary of the girl who had been killed at the orphanage. She wanted to read it but every time she touched it she could smell the old beds that they had to sleep on, she could smell his foul aftershave and his disgusting body odour. She shivered at the memory, but read none the less.

Draco also pulled out a book but his was filled with drawings and sketches. He flipped to the last picture he had drawn. It was of boy, nearly a man; he was tall and wore a large black cloak. He seemed perfectly normal except for his eyes. Draco had drawn them as pure blackness. There was not trace of colour in them. But in the background he had drawn a deep red room. The only red that touched his body was the blood dripping from his eyes. Underneath the picture he had written in his scrawled handwriting. 'He may not have eyes but he see's clearer then many'. He flipped the page and was faced by a white page. He glanced up at the other passenger and saw her deeply engrossed in what she was reading. Without realising he started to scratch away at the paper with his pencil, forming lines that covered the page he draw how she sat and stared at the book in front of her. He drew the window of the carriage that she was leaning on; he changed the view from the empty planes that were there to a battlefield. Hermione looked up at him as he glanced from her to the page and back again, repeating the process as he curved every line, and perfecting the picture.

"Can I see?" Draco was snapped out of his trance by Hermione's voice. He glanced up again and smiled passing her the book. Draco busied himself by looking out the window as she opened the book. He watched her reflection in the glass, watching her flip though the pages slowly gazing intently at the drawings.

Soon Hermione was seated next to Draco and she looked thought the pages.

"Is this your first?" Hermione asked quietly as she traced the lines of a beautiful woman holding a young boy in her arms. Draco nodded smiling down at the woman and boy. Hermione squinted down into the corner where 'Natasha and Tommy' and a date was written.

"She's beautiful" Hermione said in awe, the woman's tanned skin was perfect and unblemished, her eyes seemed to sparkle and her delicate lips curved into a small secretive smile. Draco nodded looking down at the older woman who had been his best friend.

"Yeah, she is" his eyes seemed to cloud over and a peaceful smile found its way to his lips. Hermione turned the pages, a lot where of the woman or the young boy. Soon however the pictures lost there placid happiness feel.

One after Natasha smiling and dancing around in a swirling light summer dress, was one of Lucius Malfoy standing on a cliff surrounded by a bunch of men all wearing black cloaks concealing there faces. Lucius' was thrown back and he held a bloody knife in his hand. The words 'the man is always the child' were underneath and Hermione looked at it for a second before slowly turning the page, still not looking away from his Lucius' face. Each and every page had a dark and sad feeling about them. Near the latest one she saw a picture that transfixed her, she couldn't take her eyes off it, the more she looked at it the more she felt she needed to know.

The picture was of a face, it was divided down the middle, half was perfect, smiling and calm, the girls face was pure perfection, its skin was unblemished and seemed to glow with happiness. The other half was crying torn and broken, she had cuts scratching at her face, it looked scary and gruesome, but Hermione couldn't look away. But then she noticed that they eyes were exactly the same on both sides. Both staring and vacant. And both were like thunderstorms and dark clouds. She looked up at Draco and saw him watching her, which was when she noticed that he had the same eyes as the girl in the picture.

She looked back down at the picture and saw in small writing on the bottom,

'Perfect face, we hide from the crowds behind our masks that show perfection. Hidden behind the mask of lies is the true form, beaten and bruised, scared and alone. Not shown to the world. This is what we hide.'

Hermione closed her eyes. And nodded slowly realizing it was true.

She looked at the rest of the pictures and smiled when she saw herself sitting and reading. She gazed out the window in the picture and felt like looking out the real window to make sure it wasn't real.

"What'll you write for this one?" Draco looked out the window again then sighed and smiled at her.

"I haven't a clue." Hermione smiled and passed the book back Draco took it and held it close, but not opening it again. He hadn't shown anyone his drawings since Natasha died

**A/N** I just realised this chapter was never uploaded properly, so it missed a lot of stuff. Well here it is fixed

R&R


	11. Stories of soldiers and love

_Salt in your wounds_

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Harry potter or any of the other characters or the places or anything this plot is mine but that's about it anything that you recognise is not mine either, although I'm pretty sure there isn't much.

I don't own the story in it 'the stone maiden, I heard it off a friend who heard it sum where else so who ever made it in the beginning owns it.

**CHAPTER**

_Stories of soldiers and love_

Hermione stared up at the large manor as the carriage pulled them closer to it. It was about half the size of Hogwarts but was still rather large. It had an almost welcoming ora to it, but Hermione couldn't put the feel of dread away, why was she feeling like this? It was stupid; all she was doing is having dinner with some well known officials.

She let out a sigh as the carriage came to a stop at the front of the large manor, almost immediately the door swung open and draco stepped out graciously. Giving a look around before slowly heading up the large stone steps to the front door.

He paused at the last step and turned around to face the carriage, with Hermione still in it.

"Come on, what's the worst that could happen? The food be poisoned?" Hermione got out of the carriage and slowly walked up the steps.

"That's really comforting of you" she said sarcastically before knocking on the old wooden door.

Moments later a tall man wearing sapphire blue robes opened the door giving each of them a cheerful smile and ushered them into the house.

"Welcome, welcome. You must be the Hogwarts head students." He continued to chatter happily as he walked them down a long corridor, ending with a large wooden door. "Well mister Dumbledore is right through this door, he'll fill you in on what's happening here" then he grinned happily and bid them goodbye, before apperating away.

Professor Dumbledore was seated behind a large oak desk wearing a deep purple robe. He sat on a large leather high backed chair. The room itself was grandly decorated and with large deep blue curtains that covered the huge window that sat behind the headmaster. The walls were lined with books large and small. The room was all in all quite impressive.

Dumbledore gestured for them to sit down in front of him.

"I'm so glade you're here, well as you know this evening you will be eating dinner with many different people. But before that, you have the whole afternoon to yourselves, but I would like to ask you to be civil towards each other" he paused and waited for any disputes but smiled when none came. "You will be sleeping here tonight and will be going back to Hogwarts in the morning, you have all afternoon for recreation, but you must be ready for dinner by five this evening, there will be school robes for you to wear in your wardrobes..." he continued to talk but both Draco and Hermione had tuned out. Hermione's eyes wandered around the volumes sitting innocently on the large shelves that lined the walls. Draco concentrated on the view from out the window, it was a nice day, the sun shone down into the gardens below, deep greens surrounded by bright reds and yellows and oranges. It reminded him so much of Natasha's garden back in the muggle world, she had spent hours gardening, making it perfect, and then they would sit out there admiring her work. The sun always shone on those days, just simple memories that many people would forget, but not Draco, he had felt perfectly at home on those few occasions.

He rested his head back on the high back of his own chair, he closed his eyes and pictured Natasha surrounded by her beautiful garden, with the sun shining down on her, like an angel or a goddess, a small smile crept to the corners of his lips

They were both snapped out of there trance's when Dumbledore gave a light clap and a smile, signalling the end of his talk. "Come now, I will show you to your sleeping quarters." And with that the old man rose from his chair and walked towards the door, quickly followed by Draco and Hermione.

The room was small, and painted in a creamy colour, their beds were matching single beds, placed on either end of the room, to Draco's dislike both had lovely pink covers on them. He looked questionably up at the headmaster. Who smiled and clapped his hands once more, it was immediately changed to a light baby blue.

"You're free to roam around the estate. But remember be at the dining hall at five." With that he left leaving Hermione and Draco alone.

"Weird place" Draco stated as he looked at a photograph that had been seated next to his bed, it was of a man and a woman, dancing happily singing and laughing. Hermione rolled her eyes.

"What makes it so weird?" Draco looked up from the picture and faced Hermione.

"Well the fact that it's a muggle building full of wizards and witches. That usually grants for weird" Hermione looked around, and then realised that everything in the room, was in fact, muggle, including the photograph Draco was holding before.

"That is a bit odd" she said before turning to the door. "I want to go outside, want to come with me?" Draco thought briefly of the beautiful garden outside, and shrugged.

"Yeah, might as well, nothing better to do in this dump."

The two students walked in silence around the vast estate grounds. A small conversation started, but both knew it was meaningless words; the ironic thing was that they were talking about the weather. Meaningless words and phrases spouted out to answer others.

"_ah, I'm so glade you made it, we were thinking of sending transportation for you, but then you insisted that you were alright"_ a loud airy voice flooded to the two students from the front of the manor. A huskier voice replied.

"_I had no trouble getting here, tell me, am I the last to arrive?" _ Both voices were light and carefree, Draco sensed Hermione tense up when the second man replied, but ignored it and listened for what happened next.

"_No, not at all, the two students only arrived half an hour ago. Tell me how is the orphanage going, I heard that some poor child ran away" _Hermione's body tensed even more and she found herself slowly falling to her knees on the path.

"_Yes, the poor dear child had a deranged belief that she could find her parents again."_ The voices drifted off and Hermione let out a small whimper as she heard the voices fading away, she knew that voice anywhere, the husky cruelty she couldn't mistake it if she tried, it was the same voice that haunted her dreams, or to be more precise, memories. She felt a warm tear slip down her faces, and felt Draco lean down and sit near her.

"What happened?" he asked in his own husky voice, but in a way, his was calmer, warmer, and the care and worry was evident. She felt another warm tear roll down her cheek Draco reached out and wiped away the tear before it reached her lips.

"It's him... I thought I had escaped... why is he here... why wont he leave me alone?" Hermione's breath became uneven and forced, the tears continued to flow down her face.

"Who's here? What are you talking about?" she let out another shuddering breath and crumpled into a smaller pile and slowly began rocking back and forward. Draco pulled her up and wiped away a few stray tears.

"Hey, shh... It's ok" slowly Hermione relaxed and leaned back onto Draco's chest. "What happened?" he asked running his fingers through her hair.

"I... I..." Hermione's voice cracked and she closed her eyes. Soon she was seated in the middle of the small path telling draco about her summer, she left out the details but told him how she was abused each night, along with other girls, her age and younger. Draco nodded his head slowly as she finished.

"Looks like you've been through hell" he said and she slowly wiped the fresh tears from her eyes.

"Yeah I guess you could say that" Draco got up and pulled Hermione's exhausted body off the ground.

"Come, you need some sleep" and he carried Hermione up to their bedroom.

Hermione lay silently on her bed. _How could she sleep when that horrible man was some where near here?_ Draco seemed to sense this and walked over to the bed where she lay from the open window where he sat.

"you alright?' he asked sitting down gently on the edge of her bed.

"Yeah, but I just keep thinking that, he's here, right now, he could do anything" Draco stood up again with a reassuring smile.

"Don't think that, he's in a house full of fully grown wizards and witches, he won't dare touch you." Hermione smiled and stood up following him to the open window.

"What's it like to fly?" Hermione asked quietly as she looked out the window.

"You mean like on a broom?" she shook her head.

"No, I've always wanted to just fly, not having to worry about anything, just fly away and be safe" Draco sighed as he sat on the window sill on the fifth story of the large house.

"Where would you go?" he asked lightly, she sighed and joined him sitting on the edge.

"Away, anywhere but the places I know" Draco didn't look away

"What about Hogwarts? I thought you loved it there" Hermione shrugged

"I did, but now there's to many memories, good and bad. I just want to be away from everyone that knows me" she closed her eyes quickly picturing the view bellow her with nothing around her but the clouds and the air.

"Like to the moon?" Draco said, a tinge of dreaminess lingered in his voice, as he too imagined flying away from everything.

"To the moon, Iceland, hell even Australia, I don't care, as long as its not here" she let out a laugh, and opened her eyes. "But I should stop dreaming, it's not going too happed, I'm stuck here whether I want to be or not" the two sat in silence again for a while, both taking in the comfort from the silence.

"Have you ever heard the story of the stone maiden?" Draco asked as he remembered one of Natasha's favourite stories that her grandmother had told her when she was younger. Hermione shook her head and looked quizzically at him.

"a long time ago in a small town near the beach, a young woman fell madly in love with a soldier, her parents and her friends told her it wasn't wise to love a soldier, but she didn't listen to them, all she listened to was her heart. The two lovers fell deeper in love with each other with every passing day. Until one day, a message came for her soldier telling him he would have to go into battle, he promised his lover that he would return to her no matter what and in return she promised him she would always wait for his return. And she did. She stood on the cliff facing out to see, she watched as the boats took her love away from her.

She continued to wait; she stood on the same place, waiting for her lover to return. Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months, months turned into years, and she continued to wait.

Soon the war ended and the boats returned, but her soldier didn't. And yet she continued to wait. A friend of her soldier told her he died in battle, but she waved him away and continued to wait, and there she remained looking out over the ocean waiting for her soldier to return." Draco didn't look away from the horizon as he told the story that he had heard so many times.

"That's sad" Hermione stated. It was what he had said the first time he had heard it, but then Natasha had told him to think about it, it wasn't sad, it was romantic.

"It's not really, think about it, it doesn't have to be sad, its romantic and strangely happy" Hermione looked up at him.

"How is that?" a small smile tugged at his lips, the same conversation was had between himself and Natasha when she told him the story, and once he thought about it, it was true.

"Because she never stopped waiting, she didn't just run off with the next man dressed in a uniform, she waited for her lover." Hermione nodded slowly.

"I guess your right, but why couldn't she wait somewhere else? Why just stay in the same place forever?" Draco let the small smile spread to his lips.

"Would you? Would you just throw away your promise to the man you loved just because he died? She felt like she would be betraying him, and didn't want to just let her promise go away. She loved him more then she loved herself" Hermione nodded.

"I've never loved" she said calmly before looking down at the gardens bellow.

"I've only ever loved someone as a friend. But not how she loved her soldier" Hermione nodded and her eyes clouded with sorrow.

"I'm beginning to think I haven't ever loved as a friend either" Draco looked up, with slight shock.

"What about potter and Weasley?" Hermione looked sadly at Draco.

"Well people make mistakes, I guess mine was being blind to the obvious" she tried to smile but failed.

"There dickheads anyway" Hermione let out a true laugh

"Guess your right; you have said it for six years." Draco nodded and leaned forward on the window ledge, looking down. Hermione did as well.

"I wonder what would happen if we jumped" Hermione said as she gazed at the ground bellow her.

"We'd fly" Draco said before slowly getting up. And heading towards the wardrobe. "Come on, we should start heading down for dinner" Hermione nodded giving one last look at the scenery below. Before whispering a 'yeah' and getting down off the ledge.

**A/N** I'm so sorry! That chapter was horrible! Terrible! Awful! But don't worry the next is going to be WAY better... in fact ANYTHING could be better then that chapter. Thanks to my reviewers.

XxPaDfOoTiExX / inudragon21 / LeslieGlady / darkness() / firehottie / Dark-Illusion1 / PinkLoLLyPoP 5 7 / usagigreenleaf657 / Luv2sk8e / dramaqueen72 / fourthiv / LeslieGlady / ME!!() / london-brat / phoenix-tear-11 / Satans Babe

DarkRaven-04- yeah I noticed the signes when I read it online to see if it was alright, sorry it makes it really hard to read.


	12. father

_Salt in your wounds_

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Harry potter or any of the other characters or the places or anything this plot is mine but that's about it anything that you recognise is not mine either, although I'm pretty sure there isn't much.

**CHAPTER**

_Father _

Draco and Hermione stood out the front of the large oak doors that separated them from the people who are waiting for them. Hermione paled with each passing second.

"I can't do this" she stated and turned to leave. Draco pulled her back to face the door.

"hey, your not going to leave me in there alone, we have Cornelius fudge and a couple of other men and women that my father has lied to and cheated of both money and fame, I'm not exactly happy with this situation either, bit don't worry I may not be your friend but I'm not going to let him touch you again." She smiled at him and his mildly comforting words.

The door swung open revealing the two Hogwarts head students, both plastered on a smile and joined the rest of the people at the table. Draco sat down and shook the ministry of magic's hand and they entered in a light conversation about the latest politics. Hermione sat to Draco's left and was impressed by Draco's ability to slip in to formal conversations. _'Guess he really was born into a rich family, the only thing I have talked mutually about with adults is teeth!' _

The door opened again and all eyes turned to the last person to enter. A tall man with dark brown hair, and cold black eyes stood in the door way, his skin was pasty and pale; he plastered on a large smile and greeted each of the table's occupants. He faced Hermione and his eyes flickered dangerously, before a cold smile crept upon his face. Hermione visibly paled but nobody noticed except the man sitting opposite him, he licked his lips and spoke in a quiet whisper. "Well well well, we meet again" Hermione swallowed hard and tried to ignore his presence but he made it very hard. Hermione heard Draco excuse himself from a lively conversation that had started up among himself and the minister and another man who Hermione didn't know the name of.

"You alright?" Draco asked in a whisper so no one else could hear. She nodded mutely and set about eating her dinner, which unfortunately wasn't very wise considering it was a three course meal and she hadn't been eating much lately.

Draco also had a hard time eating, the most he had managed to eat for the past couple of months was a potato at dinner and perhaps a piece of toast in the morning, and even then he felt sick.

The conversations droned on and on, even Draco showed a hint or boredom, Hermione and Draco were questioned about Hogwarts, its past, how the classes and teachers are. And soon the conversations drifted off into separate one, some about Quidditch, some about books, some about new charms, or potions.

Soon after desert had been eaten, one of the older men offered for everybody to head into the library for some after dinner refreshments. He then offered for Hermione to go to bed since she looked quite tired, she nodded gratefully and strode of to the room which she shared with Draco.

Two sets of eyes watched at Hermione left the group, one slightly worried although he would hate to admit it, the other, more malicious, and with en evil glint in his black eyes.

The small group sat around the library in front of the large fireplace, Draco acted like he always did when his father had important guests over, always the gentlemen. But through the whole affair he watched the muggle man with keen interest, and when he rose from his seat telling the group he was tired and was going to bed, before bidding them goodbye, Draco's stomach twisted with apprehension. He had to get out of here, but if he left straight away it would raise suspicions. He listened to the dribble for a while later. _It had always been like this, his father would invite a large group of important people to there manor, mother and I would be left to entertain half the group while father did dark dealing in some of the unused rooms of the manor, always father, never 'dad' never, 'Lucius' always 'father' a way of pretending to have close family relationships, like he gave a fuck about me, all I was, was a dummy to hide behind when he made his stupid dark dealings with fellow death eaters. Stupid bastard father. I guess the image is kind of ruined with my assortment of flesh mutilating appendages as I heard some on put it._ _Oh well fuck them and there stupid beliefs, it's a thrill to get a new hole placed on your body._ The thought nearly made him laugh out loud. He stood up and smiled to the group.

"I'm quite tired, I think I'll head off to bed now, I hope to see you before I leave in the morning, and I apologise for Hermione's absence, she isn't feeling very well." He gave them all a stunning smile and turned to leave.

His retreating for was followed by whispered if 'polite young teens' and 'how lovely and refreshing to meet such a mature young man'. Draco rolled his eyes and quickened his pace as he headed towards the shared bedroom.

Once the muggle man known as Tom Shillington had left the library, he quickly found himself lost in the large house, he had seen the two teenagers sitting on a window sill early this evening and was trying to find the room they shared, all the while cursing in his mind. _'Stupid evil little vixen, how dare she run away, she'll get her what-for, stupid little girl._' He continued on his mental banter until he found the door he was looking for. He smiled smuggle at himself and slowly turned the nob, laughing all the while in his head. The girl lay on her bed, she seemed to be asleep, he slowly crept across the room to her bed.

Hermione lay awake on her bed, staring at the wall near her bed, she was thinking so hard she didn't hear the door slowly creak open or the light footsteps that approached her bed. She was only brought out of her stupor when she heard the slow laugh and cruel voice, "well you stupid little bitch, thought you could run away did you? I'll teach you" she turned around quickly and came face to face with the man that had ruined her life. She closed her eyes willing him to go away, but he wouldn't, she could feel his stale breath blow in her face. A tear leaked out of her eye as she heard a zip of pants being undone, and all of a sudden the memories came back in a fateful blow, memories of pain ripping through her body, memories of nursing wounds. Her body started shaking as she felt her bed lower as he sat down. Then suddenly she felt a burning slap on her face as he hit her, then he did it again, blow after blow, sometimes on her face, other times where ever he could reach. All the memories came crashing back and she shook and crying.

Draco started running as he got closer to their room, he saw the door open and he slowly crept in, he saw him sitting on her bed hitting her, his pants were undone and were around his ankles. Draco was filled with rage, he saw Hermione's shaking body and tear stained face, but yet the bastard kept going.

Without thinking he strode forward and ripped the man off her bed. Draco was taller and lifted him off the ground, Tom was shocked for a moment before putting on a smug smile and sneering at draco.

"this isn't any of your business, so leave little boy." Draco placed a smirk on his own face and looked at the pathetic excuse for a man.

"think your tough fucking around with little girls?" draco spat. This man reminded him to much of his father, both pray on weaker things, pathetic, evil bastards. Tom let out a cold laugh.

"What are you going to do? Curse me? Hex me?" he laughed again, he thought this was all bloody hilarious. Draco's eyes blazed with anger.

"No, I think I will bust cut your fucking head off, because bad teenage delinquents like me do that" a flicker of fear appeared in the mans eyes. "or maybe I'll cut your balls off, and tie them on a piece of string, and then tie them round your neck till you choke to death." Draco raise his fist and punched the man in the stomach, he doubled over in pain, before Draco lifted him up again and punched him in the face. "tell any one that I hit you, and the whole world will know about your little illegal romps" then he threw them to the door.

Draco watched as the man slowly got up and staggered away.

Draco looked down at the girl lying on the bed, her body was shaking and her face glistened with tears. All anger faded from him and was replaced by sadness.

He sat on her bed and she looked up, seeing he was gone and Draco was there looking at her with concern, she slowly sat up and leaned into his chest and hugged him, he hugged back, wrapping is arms around her shaking body. They slowly started rocking backwards and forwards, to a rhythm only they could hear, Draco whispered calming words into her hair, and slowly Hermione drifted off into sleep, soon draco could feel Hermione's steady even breaths and placed her down on the bed, but she still didn't let go of her tight grip.

So Draco lay down on the bed next to her, still in her embrace, and slept for nearly the first time in four years. Both teens had peaceful dreams that had no carnage, no pain, no bad memories, and the last thing Draco remembered before he slipped into the land of dreams, was Hermione's body snuggling closer.

**A/N** sorry if that was a little bit smutty at the end, but it wasn't really, more comforting. I hope you liked it review and I'll update soon. Sorry if anyone is any is called 'tom Shillington' just coincidence.


	13. False

_Salt in your wounds_

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Harry potter or any of the other characters or the places or anything this plot is mine but that's about it anything that you recognise is not mine either, although I'm pretty sure there isn't much.

**CHAPTER**

_False_

'_Sometimes people believe that someone can change in a blink of an eye. But really, you just never knew them before, and one day you see them as they truly are, but you don't realise that you have been at fault all along, you believe that they changed, that they decided to be different, maybe all you really have to do is look at them before you think.'_ The morning sun told shone in through the open window, a lone bird sang to its own tune, but yet all Draco could hear where the wise words of Natasha, as he had heard them in the early morning sun during the summer. _'You can't judge people before you know them, sometimes you have to look into their past for the reasons why they act as they do, people look at their image their 'persona' and think that's who they are, but that's nothing, that's bullshit, you cant judge some on by their clothes, that's not who they are, you have to read between the lines, and listen to the stories they don't tell you. It's all hidden away, but its all there, under their image and what they show the world.'_ How true the words rang.

Draco wandered aimlessly around the room, he gazed out the window for a long time, just looking at the early sun, he hadn't slept for such a long time, and last night he had felt safe enough to sleep for eternity.

Draco sat down on the windowsill and fiddled with his eyebrow ring he didn't notice Hermione getting out of bed. And he didn't notice that she soon stood behind him.

"Why do you have so many?" Draco jumped at the sound of her voice; it had been close to silent all morning.

"So many what?" she gestured to his ears and face.

"Piercing" he shrugged and continued to fiddle with the ring.

"I like the pain, reminds me I'm alive" Hermione nodded slowly and looked closely at his ears.

"My parents never let me get my ears pierced, they said it looked tacky" Draco laughed, and started playing with the ball on his tongue.

"Do you?" she shrugged and walked away towards the dressing table.

"I don't like needles" Draco didn't get up from his seat on the window sill,

"There are only needles used with certain places. Like the chin, or belly, and some others." He shrugged lazily and looked around the room. After a long pause Draco spoke again. "So what's the story behind you and your friends?" Hermione looked up from the book she was looking at and shrugged.

"What's to tell? We had a fight, and we haven't spoken to each other for about a week." Draco raised a sceptical eyebrow but didn't say anything.

An hour later Hermione and Draco sat alone in a carriage that took them back to Hogwarts. Draco stared out the window watching the scenery slip by. Hermione sat staring into nothingness, there was a silence that filled the small carriage, it seemed to seep into every corner and crevice and the students themselves.

After half an hour of watching the world outside Draco turned to the other occupant, her eyes were closed and she had a peaceful calm expression on her face. Suddenly her voice filled the room.

"Do you ever wonder why we're here?" she hadn't opened her eyes and she hadn't moved, but she had a quizzical look on her face, and her brow was furrowed with concentration to a hidden question.

"Here as in earth, or here where we are in out lives?" Hermione's eyes slowly opened and she looked at Draco with a calculating look on her face,

"Here where we are in our lives." She watched as he thought for a moment.

"Well one mistake or one choice changes the way out lives go, so I believe it was that one mistake that I made that changed everything to bring me to where I am today." Hermione slowly nodded her head.

"What's your mistake?" she asked in a hushed whisper. Draco closed his eyes quickly and took in a slow shuddering breath before reaching out to the chair next to him that held his sketch book. Hermione watched transfixed as he opened it and gazed down at the picture of Natasha. He slowly traced the lined of her face, seemingly lost in her gaze.

"My mistake was finding happiness" Hermione glanced down at the portrait and then back at Draco's face. "The best moments of my life were spent with Natasha, and one mistake took me to her. Some people call shit like that 'fate' or 'destiny' but that's bullshit, I don't believe in that, it was my mistake and I have to take the blame for it and not just shove the blame off on some 'higher power'" draco looked up after closing the book. "But hey! That's just my view, what do you think took you to this point in your life?" Hermione paused thinking for a second, thinking back to all the things that have happened in her life, all the things that went wRong, all the things that she did right. She frowned and looked back into Draco's storm like eyes.

"I don't know, I just can't think of the thing that took me here." Draco nodded slowly,

"Maybe it was something really small to you, but large to someone else." Hermione nodded and they both went back to staring into space.

c",)

Hogwarts School of witchcraft and wizardry loomed up in the distance, the two silent passengers of the carriage watched as it came closer.

"So what happened?" Draco asked finally breaking the silence.

"When?" Hermione asked pulling her gaze off the castle and watching Draco as it came closer and closer.

"Well when we get back, you become friends with potter and Weasley again like I know will happen, they'll ask you how much of a bastard I was to you. What will you say?" Hermione glanced back at the window. No matter how much she refused the fact, the boys will come back to her and she will let them back into her life and they will go about their daily business like they did before the fight.

"I'll say we didn't talk" Draco nodded slowly.

"Then what?" was the only answer besides a nod that she received.

Hermione was silent for a while thinking about what could happen. The carriage slowly came to a stop and the door swung open.

"Who knows." Hermione whispered as she got out the carriage and started walking up the steps to the great hall.

Draco glanced up at the warm sun above and the clear blue sky that looked like it had been painted on. He sighed softly as he saw Crabbe and Goyal trudge up to him obediently like faithful hounds.

Hermione spared him a glance before opening the heavy wooden doors, and breathing in the musty smell of the school.

Then being bombarded by Harry and Ron as they jumped up from the Gryffindor table where they had been playing chess. Each boy had a broad smile on their face and came over offering her hugs.

"I'm sorry for the way I acted; I was just worried about you. There are a lot of people who would want to hurt me in a lot of ways and hurting you would be a very effective one. Do you forgive me? I was just worried" Hermione sighed and memories flashed in front of her, draco, watching and talking, he understood, he knew what it was like, he knew why she did what she did. Then there was Harry and Ron, simple minded, brave? Yes, but they couldn't possibly know.

She put on a large smile, only she could tell it was false and gave them each a hug.

"Of course I forgive you" she said as she hugged Harry.

"Good, I really didn't want you to hate me" Hermione smiled again _'always about you, maybe you need someone to hate you Harry.'_ She thought silently as she listened to them talk away about nothing.

"Where's lavender and Pavarti?" Hermione asked finally once she realised they weren't there. Harry and Ron shrugged.

"Girl stuff, them and some of the other girls are doing makeovers or something." Hermione nodded. She had never been part of those things, never was invited and even if she had been she doubted she would go. _'I'm one of the blokes'_ she thought bitterly as Dean and Neville came up to them.

He saw them run up to her smiling, he saw his pathetic excuses, and the puppy dog eyes he gave her, he say her fake smile, hollow and empty, he saw the dull look in her eyes as she hugged them each.

No one noticed, no one saw that she was lying through her teeth with a smile on her face that looked so fake it was nearly laughable, no one thought it was funny, no one even noticed.

Draco slipped though the corridors unnoticed and silent. He went to the Slytherin common room to seek refuge among the fools that idolized him for his money and his cruel heart.

It was crowded, there was nobody outside soaking up the glorious sun, no not Slytherin's, they dwell in their cold dungeons making out with whom ever they wish, it was a whore house. With the knights of the darkness as some called themselves, in truth all they really were are death eaters in training, death eater-wanna-be's, death eater children. They were all alike.

Each and every head turned to greet the returning king. Draco nodded his acknowledgments to a couple, William included, nobody ever knew how those two had become formal friends, they didn't seem to socialize at all but yet they knew each other better then just _'Slytherin king, watch out for him, he's dangerous, and what he knows could kill you'_ and _'dark strange boy, killer in runes'_ that was how every one else saw those two.

Draco sat down in his seat, alone, near the fire, he soon lost count of the people who steered away from him to get near the fire, he saw them all.

It started to get late, most left for dinner and a few left to go other places. But still Draco sat, he wasn't hungry, he never was.

"I found something very interesting in your room" William said casually as he sat down on the table in front of Draco.

"What were you doing in my room?" William didn't even bat and eyelid.

"Well seeing as you're never in it, I was wondering what made you hate it so much." Draco continued to look at him.

"Did you find any reason?" he asked only half interested.

"No, no reason, but I did find this." He said casually as he pulled out a long, silver handled blade, the one that continued to pierce Draco's skin while others where asleep, and leave small white lines on his flesh. Draco looked intensely at it, but didn't shift unconfutable or try to grab it away. "Why do you have it?" William asked staring at Draco's face for any sign or discomfort.

"Why does any body ever have a knife?" Draco asked knowing exactly where William was going and trying to achieve.

"That depends on the person" Draco looked away from the knife and to the boys face. Draco had a small smile of amusement and a small glitter in his eyes.

"You mean some people don't cut things with them? How very interesting" he rose from his seat and took the knife out of Williams's hands. "Don't go in my room again" were the last words spoken between the two as Draco left to put his knife back in its correct place.

Before he put it down in the draw next to his bed he spun it around in his fingers watching as the light glinted off the shiny metal dancing on the blade, before slowly raising the sleeve of his shirt he placed the shining metal on the soft white skin of his forearm and pushed it down until blood soaked his shirt, and he felt that same throbbing in his skin, the same wave of pain.

He smiled lazily before putting the knife back into the draw and wiping the blood off with his bed sheets.

**A/N** sorry for the long wait but it arrived as it always does.

Thanks again to my reviewers...

**Eden / lizzie girl() / kelsie() / merlinsmagic() / Dark-Illusion1 / dramaqueen72 / Luv2sk8e / Sarah() / fourthiv() / firehottie / Shoe Malfoy / phoenix-tear-11 / theblackswan / potts() / Lanhar / Crying Pixie / LeslieGlady() / london-brat / Porcelain Prayer.**

**DarkRaven-04-** yes the man in the orphanage was a muggle, and yes I did mention before in one of the chapters that they would be going with a muggle and some other educational officials. And as for telling Draco the story about what happened I believe she did, but I'll clarify that later I think. And yes, it could have done with a dad more detail but I was bogged down with last minute school work so I didn't have much time to think, but now it's the holidays and I'm trying to update as much as I can before I get back to school.

**ashley()-** I just have to say that she isn't dressing in black and moping around because she hates life, she is dressing in black because in her mind and heart she is still mourning the death of her parents and her innocence. and as for draco he's doing it to rebel, his father was a bastard so he is rebelling in any way possible and that includes but shame to the name by his appearance.

**LyssaTucci-** depends on what you mean by weird.

**Lady in the Blue Dress** –it might have meen mythology I don't actually know where I heard it before I just remembered it while I was writing and it ties in well for it.

**Craze** –yeah your right I didn't notice it when I re read it, thanks though.

**Supreme Neo slytherin Countess**- lol I'll keep it in mind.


	14. falling from great heights

_Salt in your wounds_

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Harry potter or any of the other characters or the places or anything this plot is mine but that's about it anything that you recognise is not mine either, although I'm pretty sure there isn't much.

**CHAPTER**

_Falling from great heights_

Professor Binns talked about the witch burnings, his dull voiced droned on about numbers and dates and places; putting each student into a half-dead state of mind. The class was either half asleep or completely incapable of thought processing.

Hermione granger sat obediently in class between two couples, to her left sat Harry potter, with his current girlfriend lavender. And to her right Ron sat originally but somehow he had managed to switch with is girlfriend Pavarti. Hermione sat tapping her quill lightly on her parchment and lazily closed her eyes. Without realising she drifted off to a peaceful sleep.

She was woken by a loud voice. "What the hells your problem Malfoy?" the voice of Harry potter shouted across the room.

"Yeah, can't get some yourself so you have to tell others to stop?" Ron's deeper voice shot. Hermione slowly opened her eyes and saw that the professor had left the classroom, and Harry and Ron had their girlfriends on their laps. Lavender and Pavarti seemed quite entertained about their knights in shining armour fighting because of them.

"If you really must give the class a show of your mating habits then could you not do it so bloody loud? Honestly the noises you thick heads make couldn't turn on a donkey" Hermione stifled a laugh when she saw the looks of hatred Draco was receiving from the two girls and the two boys.

"Oh as if! Bet you couldn't get any one to fall for you if you tried!" Harry shot back, grinning broadly seemingly proud of his retort.

"Why? Because I have piercing and black hair no chick would get turned on by me? Try asking your girlfriends if that is how they thought last year" Draco shouted lazily over the class room, and you could almost feel the class hold its breath.

"As if they would waste their time with filth like you" Ron said loudly no longer liking the class's attention on them. The two girls were looking quite unconfutable with their current situation. Finally Hermione thought it wise to intervene.

"Ok I think that's enough" Harry looked like he was going to say more but she placed a firm hand on his shoulder and whispered harshly, "let it go Harry". Lavender fumed at this.

"Don't listen to her! Honestly who do you think you are, this is none of your business so why don't you just butt out of it!" Hermione looked like she had been slapped; she raised her eyebrows slowly and felt anger burn inside her.

"Oh shit" was heard from the other side of the room, but it was ignored, Hermione glared menacingly at the girl in front of her.

"Fuck you" was all she managed to say. Most of the class looked stunned; none of them had heard the pristine head girl swear before, let alone at someone else.

"What?" lavender said looking shocked?

"I said fuck you! Do you need me to spell it for you?! I'm telling your boyfriend leave it, and getting Malfoy off his back and you tell me to get out of it? Well excuse me if I don't want to lose any house points because your boyfriend is to fucking proud to let go of an insult about his dick!" the Slytherin half of the class burst out laughing and the Gryffindor looked in shock at their head girl. Hermione looked towards the Slytherin's and locked eyes with draco, he wasn't laughing with the rest of them, he just was sitting there with a cautious look on his face, but Hermione was to upset to care about anything at the moment, she rounded on lavender again. "Don't you dare tell him to not listen to me and that this is none of my business! I've been their best friends for the past six years! How dare you!" she said loudly trying not to shout, with this last comment lavender got a smug look on her face and sneered superiorly at Hermione.

"Well if you're _such_ a good best friend why didn't you send them any owls over the holidays?" lavender looked like she was a cat that just got extra cream for dinner. Hermione on the other hand looked like this was the funniest thing she had heard all year. There was another mutter of 'shit' from the other end of the class room before Hermione burst into a fit of hysterical laughter that ran through the now silent class room. She laughed loudly frightening lavender and everyone else in the room.

"... You! You have no idea!... none of you do!" she shouted in between hysterical laughs. "None!" she said between laughs before throwing her head back and laughing harder. Everyone in the class could see the tears that rolled down her cheeks.

Suddenly she stopped laughing and pushed her chair back making it scratch on the floor before standing up and glaring coldly at lavender. Harry had his head hidden behind her and was making it very obvious he didn't want to get involved in another fight with Hermione.

"how fucking dare you, you stupid slut" Hermione said in a deadly whisper before stalking towards the door and slamming it behind her not caring that she had walked right though professor Binns.

An hour later Hermione sat silently gazing at a book in the library she heard footsteps coming her way but assumed it was madam prince the librarian. The footsteps stopped right in front of her but she still didn't look up.

"You okay?" Draco's husky voice asked quietly. Hermione looked up at him, she had stopped laughing ages ago and her face was now pale, and she looked exhausted.

"Yeah." She whispered.

"Sorry about class" Draco said taking the seat opposite her. Hermione looked up at him again and stared into her eyes.

"Why are you sorry?" she questioned genuinely confused,

"Well I started all that shit by telling them to shut up and get a room" Hermione smiled at the muggle expression.

"Oh well, it was something interesting." She said in a would-be cheerful voice besides the lump that had made its way to her throat, and the sob that escaped. But she wiped away the tears before they fell and placed her cold hands on her warm face.

"I believe the last thing you want is interesting like that" Draco said smiling at her. She smiled back and let out a laugh, before changing to a serious expression and stared into his eyes.

"what happened to you?" draco shrugged lazily and gazed back into her eyes, he say that she wasn't curious but caring, he sighed and leaned forward on the table and whispered hoarsely.

"A lot of things happened, what do you want to know?" Hermione didn't look away but stared right back into his eyes.

"Everything, tell it to me from the start." Draco nodded and stood up gesturing for her to follow, and she did.

He led her to the astronomy tower and sat down on the old edge like they had so many days before. Hermione joined him leaning her back onto the wall near the end of the landing. Draco and Hermione sat watching the sun slowly set and the wind blow lightly on them. Draco finally spoke and his voice was clear and calm, no hint of fear, or anger, or even sadness was evident in his voice, just bitter humour.

"My father beat me, it started when I was younger, curses, fists, his cane, unforgivable, it made no difference, just as long as it made me hurt. He would yell at me to, _'take the beatings, it'll make you stronger!'_ along with a couple of his other favourites such as _'shut up and listen to me when I'm talking you stupid brat!'_ and _'your worst then those filthy mudblood's! Beaten by a mudblood you stupid ingrate, do you have any idea how you put the Malfoy name to shame?!'_ no matter what I did it was never good enough, he just hated me for existing. Not like it would be any better without him, I had my mother as well, she wasn't strong enough to hurt me with fists and kicks, so she always used her wand. Sometimes I think I preferred my father's kicks and punches to my mothers blow after blow of painful curses. She set me on fire once because she caught me talking to one of the house elves that work at the manor. As I got older, the beatings got worst. I sometimes loved coming to Hogwarts, it meant I was finally away from them, but I could never be truly alone, my last name alone is enough of a reminder. To be a Malfoy, isn't just to belong to the family, but its nearly a whole different race of being, Malfoy's don't give a shit if your smart or nice, they just care about hurting those weaker then them, to be a Malfoy, is to have no soul, it's the most painful thing in the world sometimes, and I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy. And to be constantly reminded of it is even worst. You must act properly, or you will be punished, you may not be kind, or you will be punished, you have to be perfect in every single fucking way, or you will be punished. It can be the hardest thing in the world, to belong to a family.

During the simmer, I would be beaten everyday, we had a bunch of death eaters around one night, and I by chance said something that wasn't pleasing enough, like I didn't want to kiss Voldemort's ass like all of them, they didn't like that at all, so once they left I was taken to the dungeons and beaten worst then I had ever been beaten before. Near the end I cracked it, something in me just snapped, so I apperated away to the muggle world, I would be moderately safe there, my father, is big and strong and well known and somewhat feared in the wizarding world but in the muggle world he is nothing, he's just a mad man with some money and no job or history.

I nearly died that night, and the next morning I was found by Natasha," at this point he paused telling the story and let a small smile spread over his face, calming his features and getting rid of the stress lines that had appeared on his forehead as he had been telling his story. He let out a long sigh into the darkening sky. Then continued to talk. "Natasha was a twenty something year old, she worked as a nurse in the local hospital, she found me lying in the gutter about a block from her house. She took me in and healed most of my cuts and wounds the muggle way, I woke somewhere in the middle and stayed watching her. It amazed me that she didn't know who I was but yet she still looked after me with all the care that she could. I had two broken ribs and a whole lot of cuts and bruises, when I had woken up and become a little better she tried to persuade me to go to the police but I wouldn't, I couldn't I mean what would I say to them? _'my father is a well known wizard who likes to beat me as does my mother, don't bother trying to catch them you'd be dead before you say your under arrest'_ so she just assumed I had done something wrong and I didn't want to go near the police, I said I would leave but she made me stay until I was better. She had a son Tommy, he was two, and he loved anything to do with bug's bunny, he and I became good friends. So did Natasha and me, I sort of told her about where I come from and why I couldn't go to the police and she nodded understandingly and told me I could stay with her, I would help her with the shopping and everything else while I was getting better and afterwards as well, the lady at the check-out in the supermarket kept asking Natasha if we had planned the wedding day yet, and she would easily laugh it off and we would walk over to the kindergarten and pick up Tommy. A lot of the other children there thought I was his long lost daddy, he loved the idea. And I think so did Natasha, she had been looking after Tommy alone for two years and it was good to have some one around to help.

I soon started thinking about Natasha as a sister; they were the family I had always hoped for, always longed for. Natasha would tell me stories about her grandmother, she had loved her grandmother so much, she would tell me stories she had once been told.

I lived with them for about a month before I was found by my father's death eater buddies. They took me away from the only people who ever loved me and back to the manor, I was beaten again and again, wands, fists, medieval weaponry, made no difference, the only thing that kept me alive was the thought that I had to get back to them and see if they where alive. So I did, I ran away again to Natasha's house and opened it with the spare key.

Then I found them, I found Tommy hanging from his ceiling light, the rope around his neck probably strangled him before he was hung, he was hung for knowing me! I found Natasha on her bed, they had raped her and cut her and mutilated her perfect face. I stayed with them for so long, and ran away again, I thought I could hide from them, but I couldn't, they found me and locked me in a cell with the bodies of Natasha and Tommy, I couldn't go to them and keep their bodies warm, they chained me up and made me look at the corpses of the only two people I ever loved. That's how heartless those bastards are. I was in there for three days. And before I knew what was happening I was being beaten again and left in my room for a gonna.

Then I did it, I ran away again, I couldn't bare to stay in that shit hole of a mansion anymore, so I didn't I went and stayed at the leaky cauldron until it was time to go back to school. Dickhead Dumbledore didn't realise I had left home and hadn't sent my mail to me, a house elf bought me my badge and money to buy my school supplies." Draco wiped his eyes free of any tears and turned to face Hermione, she was sitting stock-still gazing intently at him. They had a unspoken understanding for what she meant.

Minutes passes and each seemed like an hour. Hermione watched as the sky went from light to dark, after half an hour of sitting in silence draco stood up on the edge and spread his arms out to the side. Hermione watched as he closed his eyes and swayed with the wind.

"To fly on the winds back, and hear everything it has to tell, that is majesty." He spoke again reciting the words Natasha had once told him. "to hear the secrets of the world and watch as the sky turns from light to dark, and dark to light, that is only majesty" Hermione looked up at him but he kept his eyes tightly closed. "I heard of a spell once, it prevents death from high places, I always wanted to see if it worked." with this he turned to face Hermione opening his eyes, they had a strange glint in them and a seemingly far off gaze. Slowly Draco started to turn around on the ledge in slow moving circles. He produced his wand and with graceful movements he circled it above his head and then above Hermione's. Hermione felt a slow warming sensation sweep through her body like someone was dripping melted butter over her. "Liber cadere nunquam obitus" the Latin words rang through Hermione's body. Hermione watched with fascination as draco placed his wand away. "if it worked as long as your alive, I cant die if I jump or fall of a high place, as with you if I die" then draco rose his hands up again and closed his eyes before stepping backwards off the building.

Hermione lunged forwards holding on to the edge and watched as draco fell towards the ground, he didn't move or scream, he stayed perfectly still and opened his eyes watching as the castle tower became higher and higher before he felt a warming sensation in the pit of his stomach and came to a slowing pace and soon found himself lying on his back looking up at the sky.

Hermione watched with sick fascination as Draco became smaller and smaller quickly heading towards the ground. When she saw him land softly on the ground below she wished silently that she would one day be able to do that.

**A/N **another chapter gone and done, please review it, they make it a lot easier to write, knowing that people are out there reading it and hopefully enjoying it.


	15. Cascades of truth and water

_Salt in your wounds_

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Harry potter or any of the other characters or the places or anything this plot is mine but that's about it anything that you recognise is not mine either, although I'm pretty sure there isn't much.

**CHAPTER**

_Cascades of truth and water_

The melodramatic droll of teenage girls filled the room. The girls seemed unbothered by the sticky warmth of the bathroom.

It had been a long time since Hermione had feared showering, but now she looked down at her body and saw the bites and scratches that covered her breasts and stomach, they were beginning to fade but they where still evident especially when it was warm.

The warm water cascaded down Hermione's body soaking into her skin. She closed her eyes and placed her face under the constant stream of water that fell from the shower head above. The water kept coming endlessly with no pauses between giving Hermione time to breath.

Her lungs started to scream for oxygen, but se kept her face under the water. She could feel herself becoming light from lack of air and the water seemed to come down harder. After a few minutes Hermione pulled her face from the deafening silence and back into the world of girl talk and loud squeals of laughter.

Hermione breathed deeply filling her lungs with the much needed substance. Deep breath after deep breath echoed in her head. Slowly she sunk to her knees on defeat letting her salty tears mingle with the warm calming flow of water coming from above. _'Why did I have to stop? Why couldn't I just drown?'_ she tried to suppress the sobs as the tears kept coming mixing with the water that was there to clean. She pulled away from the wall and leaned forward so her head was once again covered by the stream of water, she placed her forehead on the tiles on the cubical floor, letting the sobs come and the tears to drown.

After ten minutes of sitting like that Hermione slowly pulled herself off the ground and turned off the taps, before slowly wrapping herself in a warm clean dressing gown that covered her body from prying eyes.

She opened the cubical door and headed towards the door, she caught a glance of herself in one of the mirrors that lined the walls and let out a barely audible groan and approached the forsaken mirror.

Her face was pale and seemed pinched and red from the heat. Her large brown eyes looked like pools of nothing that went on forever and her hair was sticking to her face and neck. She raised a hand mechanically and ran her fingers though her long curls and sighed softly and closed her eyes. Stopping her senseless attempts to tame her hair in mid stroke ending up with her hand at the back of her head and she pressed them into her skull as hard as she could soaking in the pain.

"Are you alright?" Hermione opened her eyes and saw the caring face of a sixth year, one of Ginny's few friends. Hermione didn't even attempt a smile.

"I'm fine" _'fine the meaningless answer to a question that you don't want to answer. If I told you the true answer to that question I would be digging you into a grave and take away the bubble of ignorance that surrounds you and replace it with worries and wonders that will fill your head and drave you crazy that would make you me, all because I answered a stupid meaningless question that is asked when your curious but you never get the real answer.'_ Hermione turned and walked away towards the door that would lead her back to the girls dorms.

c",)

Draco watched the ceiling above as he lay on his back in professor Snape's dungeon. He was lying on a desk in the middle of the room watching the shadows flicker on the ceiling. The torches made just enough light to make the ceiling seem like a river with light splayed across it, it seemed to shiver and shake with the flicks of the torches.

It looked like it was made of liquid and not the strong stones that had been there since the building was made he wanted to reach out and touch it, he was nearly sure that his hand slip right through to another world instead of hitting solid stone. Its amazing how something that looks so fragile in the candle light holds up the rest of the building.

The door to the potions classroom opened and Snape's footsteps were heard. Draco lazily looked away from the ceiling and towards the front of the classroom where he knew Snape would be in a matter of seconds.

"Get the bloody hell off the table" Draco didn't move, but made sure his bored arrogant appearance was at its greatest. "Don't be a twat. Now get off the table." still Draco didn't move, Snape gave up and placed the parchment on the desk at the front of the room. "Do you know why you're here?" _'Always the same questions when at detention, its like counselling, establish the reason why there here, then make them feel guilty. Always the same, never differ, quite dull really'_

"No sir, I'm sorry but I don't entirely know would you care to enlighten me?" a muscle twitched in Snape's jaw.

"You're here, Mr Malfoy because you were in a fight during class. Potter and Weasley are also attending detentions with their head of house." Draco nodded slowly and looked back at the ceiling. The torch flames where making strange shadows like in a story book, he could see a dragon and a knight, oh and look at how the knight falls. Draco wanted to laugh out aloud at the strange show that was being played for him and him alone on the stage that was a theatre.

"Does it make you feel big?" Draco said not looking away from the flickering lights. The candles in his room didn't flicker; some stupid spell put on them so they are perfectly still and can't be extinguished unless wanted to. Stupid spell, stupid cause, probably because ickle first years get scared by moving shadows in the dead of the night in the cold dark dungeons.

"Does _what_ make me fell big Mr Malfoy?" Draco let a small smile creep onto his face.

"playing the big man, yelling at the student and forcing them to do things they don't want to do, all because you can, because you are a teacher, a higher being" the muscle in Snape's jaw twitched again, _'good'_

"No Mr Malfoy, I don't punish students because I can, I punish them because I have to." Draco rolled his eyes at the ceiling.

"But it must make you feel good, always the target of the school yard pranks, always teased and sneered at, and now you can do it all, with all the other teachers behind you. I suppose that's why you joined Voldemort isn't it? Make others feel bad. But then again I bet it makes you feel real good, the fact that your double crossing one of the meanest wizards around. A spy for the light side, now that is a laugh." Snape was completely still looking at Draco with a hint of fear in his eyes. Before turning swiftly towards the door.

"You have no idea. You're nothing but a spoilt rich kid who knows nothing of loyalty or redemption. You get by on your looks and a couple of smarts but you have no idea what pain is and what it can do to you." Snape closed the door behind him and paused outside the door wondering why he had told Draco that.

Draco let out a laugh as he lay on the table, he laughed like it was the funniest thing in the world, but it was like Hermione's was during class, hysterical and only there to hide his pain.

"you have no idea what I know" he whispered before slowly getting off the table and walking towards the door. Before closing the door behind him as he entered the cold corridor.

**A/N** sorry it was kinda short but it's done and the next chapter is on the way. Hope you liked it.

Thanks to my reviewers, it takes me longer to list all of my reviewers then to write the chapter, I'll write all my thanks and responses to your questions on the next chapter.


	16. Under the tallest tower

_Salt in your wounds_

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Harry potter or any of the other characters or the places or anything this plot is mine but that's about it anything that you recognise is not mine either, although I'm pretty sure there isn't much.

I don't own the song, it belongs to either 'nickleback' or 'pay the girl'. Don't kill be! I don't know the name of it either its just on one of the old cd's I made and I cant remember the name, terribly sorry but it belongs to one of those two.

**CHAPTER**

_Under the tallest tower_

"Okay Ron, then you..." the talk of Quidditch tactics between Harry, Ron and the other team mates was endless, they didn't even seem to need to take a breath let alone remember to not talk with your mouth full.

Finally Ron realised he was missing out on a large amount of food and paused the conversation to stuff his mouth full.

Almost immediately lavender and Pavarti entered the great hall looking clean and fresh with their make up that they spent an hour on. They headed towards their boyfriends glaring at Hermione as they approached.

Harry and Ron both glanced from Hermione to their girlfriend before shifting aside to make room for them. Pavarti sat down next to Ron immediately and started to eat cheerfully, but lavender stood next to Harry with hands on hips glaring at Hermione for nearly five minutes while Hermione took her time to eat some more breakfast and glance at the headlines in the 'daily prophet'. The entire school was holding their breaths having heard previously about the head girl's outburst.

"Hermione-" Harry began but Hermione cut him off by placing the newspaper down and staring directly at his and then glaring at lavender.

"Don't worry Harry, I'm leaving" and rose from her seat and walked with her head high towards the doors.

Once outside Hermione sighed in relief she didn't like having all those people so close, it freaked her out.

Hermione began a slow walk to the lake where she stood on the shore watching the giant squid swim gracefully below the surface of the water.

"Wish I could join you squiddy" she muttered quietly and skipped a rock across the surface of the water. The silence was broken by a booming voice floating over the air. Hermione turned and saw Hagrid going about his games keeper business with his dog fang.

"goo' mornin' ta ya' 'mione!" Hagrid called cheerfully as he saw her approaching. "Where's 'arry an' Ron? I've on'y seen them in me classes aint been 'round ta see me" he asked cheerfully as Hermione patted fang.

"Their too busy with their girlfriends" Hagrid nodded knowingly as they approached his hut.

"'ay, tha'd do it" he said gesturing for Hermione to sit down as he went about making tea.

Hermione spent most of that day with hagrid and fang in the small hut. She sometimes hated the weekends; she had so much time and nothing to do in it now that Harry and Ron had more fun with their girlfriends then with her.

The two talked about hargid's class and other classes as well as creatures they would be researching next.

"Thank you hagrid for letting me spend the day here, I would have been terribly bored otherwise." Hagrid waved off her thank you and smiled happily.

"Not a pro'lem 'mione" Hermione smiled once more before beginning the trudge back up to the castle.

As Hermione made her was back to the castle she passed the Quidditch pitch and saw the bright red uniforms of the Gryffindor Quidditch team soaring up in the sky. Harry saw Hermione approach and lifted his hand to wave but at the last minute he saw the snitch and zoomed off after it catching it in a matter of seconds, Hermione clapped cheerfully like she always did but no body noticed, Harry had gone to the stands and was being kissed by lavender as congratulations. Hermione sighed heavily and walked swiftly the remaining way to the castle.

An hour later Hermione was found sitting alone in the Gryffindor common room by the window reading a book and occasionally glancing up at the pelting rain that lashed at the window. The quite of the common room was interrupted by the loud arrival of the Quidditch team back from practice. There was loud laughs and chatter coming from the portrait hole. Slowly the group thinned and a few stragglers were left. Slowly Ron made his way towards Hermione and her secluded seat. "Hey 'mione, haven't seen you since breakfast." He stated cheerfully pulling up a chair glancing at the book she had previously been reading.

"Yes well I know when my presence isn't necessary" Hermione stated, Ron gave her a half sympathetic half curious look.

"I don't know why you're so hard on Harry and lav. Maybe all you need to do is relax and maybe get a boyfriend" Ron shrugged lazily at the simple suggestions. Hermione stood up and gave him a weak smile.

"Maybe I do Ron." Before leaving the common room all together, forgetting her robe and shoes.

"Hermione!" Harry shouted after her retreating form. Hermione slowed her pace to a stop and waited for Harry to catch up. "Sorry about before at breakfast, I just really needed to talk to her about something. Do you forgive me?" Hermione plastered on the false smile that seemed to be gracing her face a lot lately.

"Of course I forgive you Harry, I'm just not a very good morning person that's all" Harry grinned boyishly before noticing Hermione's attire.

"Where are you off too, dressed like that?" Hermione for the first time noticed that she was only wearing her white school shirt and plaid skirt having taken off her shoes and socks when she returned from Hagrid's place earlier that evening. She shrugged half heartedly.

"I was heading to the library and I was in a rush so I forgot to put my shoes on. Sorry but I really must return this book before dinner. Bye" Hermione continued on her journey in the direction she was going originally.

"But that's not the way to the library, and you haven't got a book" Harry said quietly as he watched Hermione walk away.

The cool air and rain lashed at Draco's face as he opened the door to the astronomy tower. Within minutes Draco's shirt was soaked and clung to his torso. He breathed a sigh of relief to be away from the suffocating dungeons of the school castle. He slowly approached the ledge and leaned over watching the rain.

"Fancy seeing you here" Hermione's voice came to him through the rain.

"Ya know granger, we seem to be making this quite a habit" she gave an airy laugh and walked to the edge next to him. Her shirt was soaked as well and was clinging to her delicate form; her light blue lacy bra was showing itself through the wet fabric, but Hermione didn't seem to notice or care.

"I always liked the rain, ever since I was younger. I get that from my mother I suppose. She and I used to always sit outside and watch the storms together" Hermione said in a breezy voice. Draco looked up to the sky. Then back at Hermione.

"Why are you here? Besides the rain." Hermione shrugged.

"Didn't like the crowded common room. To many ignorant people and to much fake friendships." Draco nodded slowly.

Hermione slowly made to stand up on the ledge balancing carefully. "All this shit reminds me of one of my favourite songs. For a while it was like my comfort song it just made me feel like I wasn't alone, that other people felt like I did, maybe not for the same reasons but still, they felt it." Draco joined her on the ledge wrapping his arms around her small waist from behind.

Near the door stood the shocked figure of Harry potter, slowly a sneer crept onto his face and he wanted to shout out for him to let go of her. Hermione leaned back into his chest holding his arms stopping Harry's shout from leaving his throat.

"Sing it for me" Draco whispered huskily in her ear enjoying the comfort of her.

"_What do you do_

_When their all against you_

_And you senses tell you_

_Turn from where you are_

_What do you say, _

_When they all forgive you_

_And you have no faith_"

Hermione's voice filled the night sky, Draco leaned his chin on Hermione shoulder enchanted by her voice. Near the door Harry's mouth dropped open, he had never known Hermione could sing, and he was wrapped in a blanket of guilt for never finding out and a feeling of betrayal for her never telling him.

"_Ohh I believe you_

_When I lose the truth_

_I search for the inspiration_

_And all I need from you_

_Feeds my desperation_"

The rain pounded hard on their bodies as they stood completely still, oblivious to the other occupant of the tower, when the wind blew harder draco tightened his grip around Hermione's waist keeping her close to him. Hermione closed her eyes and let the well known words flow out of her mouth.

"_The world I'm in-between_

_is enough to make me scream_

_don't want ta be alone _

_don't wanna be alone now_

_the world I'm in between_

_there's no one here but me_"

Slowly a rocking movement began between the two soaked teens as the hard rain pummelled down on their bodies and their now see though shirts. Harry stood watching in shock as his best friend and worst enemy stood on the ledge of the highest tower wrapped in each others arms.

"_so where do you go _

_when everything you know_

_is criticised and wears you out of site_

_where you gonna be_

_when they all desert u_

_and its to late to change."_

A flash of lightning revealed Hermione's calm face and her wet features glistened in the light. Draco's eyes remained closed as he held onto the warm body in his arms letting her lean on him as she sung a song that he found transfixing

"_only a few_

_really ever find the truth_

_more like isolation_

_every thing I get form you _

_feed my inspiration"_

Hermione paused and breathed in a deep breath of the stormy air, feeling safer then she had in a long time wrapped in Draco's arms.

"_the world I'm in between_

_is enough to make me scream_

_don't wanna be alone _

_don't wanna be alone now_

_the world I'm in-between _

_there's no one where but me"_

slowly Hermione turned around in Draco's arms to face him, she stared deep into his grey eyes as he gazed into chocolate coloured ones hers. Slowly he lowered his mouth to meet hers in a gentle kiss their lips pressed together in a tender kiss, their eyes slowly closed as they deepened the kiss.

Knowing what she was doing Hermione leaned backwards into the night sky pushing away from the ledge with her bare feet, feeling herself and Draco slowly fall down towards the ground beneath.

Harry let out a shout as he saw the two jump off the ledge and into the great abyss below. He ran to the ledge and watched as they came closer and closer to the ground, but slowed down as they reached the tangled grass below.

Draco pulled away from the kiss kneeling above her on the grass. She smiled up at him. "I always knew you would teach me to fly" she whispered as he leaned back towards her for another kiss. Hermione caught a glimpse of the tower she had just jumped off. She smiled into the kiss as she realised she had experience what it was like to fall from a great hight and live to tell the tale. A feeling of thrill swept though her as she closed her eyes and leaned into the kiss feeling Draco's warm body press against hers as she lay on the wet grass under the tallest tower that Hogwarts owned.

**A/N **dun dun dun du du du daaaaaa!!!! That's another chapter done and accounted for! I'm slowly getting on a role! Hope you enjoyed it, the first bit of romance, and Harry finding out.

Thanks my wonderful, beautiful reviewers...

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**Kat12-** just to keep you reviewers guessing.

**Goddess of Gorgeousness-** don't worry there is no chance that their just going to become happy again and stop cutting, in reality its not like that and I understand that from experience.

**musicmaker( )-**you started a question 'and why does' but that's all it said.


	17. Pictures in dust

_Salt in your wounds_

**I HAD THIS CHAPTER FINISHED 3 DAYS AGO BUT I COULDN'T UPLOAD IT FOR AGES BECAUSE MY INTERNET CONNECTION HAS BEEN FKED so if I don't update for a while blame the internet not me**

I had trouble writing the last chapter, I couldn't find anyplace to put the first kiss and the start of the romance in it, so I did it and I'm quite proud.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Harry potter or any of the other characters or the places or anything this plot is mine but that's about it anything that you recognise is not mine either, although I'm pretty sure there isn't much.

**CHAPTER**

_When I was younger, I used to fear getting up in the morning, I never wanted to leave the dream world that I found safety in. dreams can be the safest place in the world sometimes, all your subconscious thoughts mixed into images and set free in your head. _

_When I got older I realised that spending all the time in my dreams wasn't a way of living, I would try to experience all the different things, thrill, excitement, hate passion, freedom, happiness. _

_When I rode my first broom it was like I was leaving the world and was finally alone, with nothing but the air around me and the wind screaming in my ears. I would often find myself going as fast as I cold on my broom I loved the thrill of going as fast as I could and the roar or the wind in my ears. _

_I considered the wind my friend; I spoke to it my fears and hates, all things that could be used against me if someone else found out what they were. And then one day I realised that I didn't care, I couldn't give a flying fuck if my father found out I was scared of the dark until I was six, or that when I heard him come to my room I would try so hard not to hide. _

_All these things had kept me sane for so long, until that day when I realised they were all bullshit and that I was a fool for thinking I could hide in the shadows and it would all go away. I guess that was when I became outspoken some might say rude, I couldn't bring my self to care about how I made people feel, I just wanted them to feel half as bad as I did. I wanted them all to toss and turn as they tried to fall asleep at night but couldn't because all they could think about were the cruel and heartless actions._

_I suppose a lot of people believe that when some one gets to that stage, where they don't care if they hurt some one else, that they aren't alive, that they aren't human, because all humans have guilt and a conscience. But maybe those people should look at it through my eyes and then they can make the decision._

_I heard some one say once, that bullies are weak, and that they are just acting that way to get attention. Now that's bullshit, I couldn't care if someone looked at me or not, all I cared for was to make them hurt, to make them feel like shit on the bottom of a shoe._

Blaise Zimbini sat down on the coffee table in front of Draco. He held a letter addressed to him in his hand.

"This is for you. Crabbe, Goyal and me, all got one as well" Draco looked at the letter then back at Blaise. "You know what it's about?" Draco gave a short nod and pulled the letter from his grasp.

Blaise stood up and stared at Draco as he cracked the seel and pulled out the letter. "You think you're so fucking hot don't you? That's bullshit, your nothing without your father you know that" Draco stood up shoving the letter in his pocket. He was taller then Blaise by about an inch. He sneered as he looked down at the Slytherin. Blaise stepped back and glared. "Gonna ran away again? Yeah that's right I know all about your little escapade over the summer." Draco leaned forward so that he was staring directly into Blaise's eyes.

"You know nothing" Blaise let out a cold laugh that sounded quite sinister in the silent common room.

"You think your so got damn good! Tell me, if your father wasn't who he was then what? Would you still be the Slytherin king? You're nothing without your legacy, and I don't give a shit if the whole fucking school knows it" Blaise kicked the small coffee table and watched as it flew across the room and smashed against the wall he turned back to draco with a threatening look on hid face, but his expression soon dropped when he saw draco smiling dangerously and looking slightly amused at Blaise's out burst.

Draco laughed sending a shiver around the common room. Then he spoke in a hoarse whisper that ran down their spines.

"That would be just like you Zimbini, believing so much in family loyalty. You have no fucking idea about what being a Malfoy is. After all, you're nothing but a Zimbini.

So tell me, do you run along home and whimper to your whore of a mother and tell her about how big and bad Draco is and she just laughs and tells you that my father is the only one keeping me afloat? We're not all like you Zimbini, we don't all depend on our parents to nipple fucking feed us ever holiday." Blaise's jaw clenched and his eyes narrowed as he looked at Draco.

"You're nothing but a muggle lover. That's where you went isn't it? To go and fuck with a couple of muggles" Draco laughed and stepped closer till they were face to face, draco watched as Blaise swallowed bard and there was a flicker of fear in his eyes, only for a second then he replaced the walls of his hard exterior and sneered.

"if you believe everything you hear you might as well start sending your wish list to Santa clause because you have no idea how far from the truth you are." Draco turned to walk away but was stopped by Blaise when he spoke.

"I've seen your book you know. I've seen all those pictures. And William showed me that handy little trinket of yours, I can guess that that hasn't slain any muggles, but I do know what it has cut. I've seen the scars Draco, you can't hide them forever. You're not the Slytherin king anymore, you're being replaced! We don't want to have to look at your ring covered face anymore! You're nothing!" Draco turned around and sneered.

"And who's to replace me? You? HA now that is a laugh, you call me nothing, look in the mirror Zimbini and then tell me why you're to be the one to replace me, no one in their right state of mind would follow a Zimbini into battle." Draco paused again to look at Blaise he had just lost his last lifeline and he had no place left to go, the thought made draco want to laugh, after all this shit he could still make people crap in their jocks "It pisses you off that much? The fact I'm the heir to the throne of the dark lord any you will be nothing but a measly death eater. I'll be your king soon, when Voldemort passes on his legacy to me and I'll see you hung-drawn and quartered" Draco turned and began to walk towards the portrait hole, but was stopped yet again by Blaise's voice.

"Gone to go and fuck her again?" Draco sighed and turned around.

"Fuck who Zimbini, as you can see Parkinson is right over there" there was an indignant screech from the other side of the common room but it was ignored by both males. Blaise laughed and let a grin of triumph spread across his face, he had a card up his sleeve and he was going to use it.

"Your little friend, the one you've been seeing lately, the mu-"

"Stupefy" draco said dully with a small flick of his wrist before turning around again and muttering "obliviate" and a couple of other unheard spells to remove that piece of information from his memory.

10012500021

Hermione entered the common room before dinner started there were a couple of people left the others were most likely away doing homework or playing exploding snap or chess.

"Hey Ron, sorry I ran out before I had to go to the library." Ron looked up and smiled.

"That's cool Hermione, by the way have you d-" he was interrupted when Harry came running into the common room with a frantic look on his face.

"RON! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?! RO-" he stopped dead in his tracks when he looked at the small table that held Hermione and Ron.

"I'm right here mate, what's the matter?" but Harry ignored him and just stared at Hermione tilting his head from side to side never taking his eyes off her.

"Harry? Are you alright? Your acting kind of odd" Hermione asked slowly. Harry shook his head and ran his fingers through his hair messing it up. He took off his glasses and cleaned them making sure they were spotless before putting them back on his nose,

"Hey herm, I'm just fine." He sat down opposite Hermione and next to Ron.

"Come on, lets get to dinner" Ron said finally pulling both friends up and walking towards the portrait whole hurriedly.

Hermione sat next to Ron during dinner playing with the small amount of food on her plate; she tried to ignore the strange gaze drilling into the top of her head by Harry. "You know herm, you should eat, I've heard corn helps for people

Who jump off buildings." Hermione looked up cocking an eyebrow before looking down at her plate again.

"I've eaten stuff already, and I'm not likely to go and jump off a building now am I?" She let out a light laugh noticing the nervousness in it, but neither boy seemed to join her in noticing. "I think I'm going to go to the library, I want to check out a book." Ron nodded and ignited a conversation with Harry about the chudley cannons.

Hermione turned around at the door and surveyed the people sitting at their tables talking about nothing to no one in particular.

"Hey Ron," Harry said after Hermione had left the hall, he stared at the door then looked back at Ron as he stuffed a large portion of mashed potato in his mouth.

"Yeah mate?" Harry turned away from looking at the large amounts of half eaten white mulch in his friend's mouth.

"Did you ever know Hermione could sing?" Ron snorted loudly earning several looks of disgust from near by people.

"As if Harry, that woman probably has the vocals of a banshee" Harry laughed and fiddled with his fork.

"Have you noticed, she's been acting kind of" he waved his fork around in large circles with his wrist. "Odd lately" Ron paused eating for a second contemplating.

"Nope, I think she's just stressing about homework or her head duties." Harry nodded and started to eat his dinner _'yeah that's probably it, she was probably just worried about all that work and didn't realise it was Malfoy. I probably just imagined them jumping any way, I mean she was right here only seconds ago'_ Even in his head that excuse didn't sound as reasonable as he had hoped.

0015778100155

"How fucking dares that bastard" Draco shouted in one of the large old store rooms that Hogwarts possessed and one of the many forgotten all about. It was packed with lots of useless things, and Draco often found himself there rummaging through the piles of junk. "How fucking dare that slime ball" a large vase flew across the room and smashed when it came in contact with the wall. "Arrgh! That son of a bitch" Draco threw a bucket across the room listening to the clattering as it bounced before sitting down and glared at the floor, his thoughts ran wild as he contemplated all the different things he could do to Blaise Zimbini.

'_look at who you are, tell me if your happy with the way things are, do you want to change?'_ draco sighed and lay down on his back staring at the ceiling, one of the many unanswered question Natasha had asked him. He pictured her face, the summer sun shining down on her making her hair glow golden. "No. I'm not happy with who I am. And I want to change so badly but I can't." He spoke out aloud picturing Natasha's face smiling gently. Her amazing green eyes ablaze, reflecting the tenderness off the world. "I wish I could be with you again. I was happy with you. I knew where I was and what I was going to do. Not like here not like now, all I do is go from fight to fight and false sneer to false glare. I just wish I could be happy" he laughed at himself for believing that could ever happen. "I just want to be happy and grow old and have a wife and kids who I love and not have to be afraid of anything! Like that would ever happen." He rolled onto his stomach and played with the dust on the ground; it was unsettles and messed up from him. Slowly he began to draw swirling lines that entwined together forming an image. Draco stood up looking down at the picture he had just drawn before rummaging through some of the things on the shelves. He smiled when he found a large sewing needle. He kneeled down again over his picture in the dust.

Half an hour later draco stood up dusting off the dirt and grime that covered his robes he smiled down at the picture now engraved in the floorboards and turned and left leaving a small picture of himself bound and gagged tied to a chair in a room that was ablaze with fire, yet the image of draco didn't seem scared or angry, its eyes watched the fire that approached him with excitement alive in his eyes.

**A/N** I think that was sort of short but yeah oh well I hope it was worth the wait. My computer has been stuffing up lately and so has the internet so I'll try and update as soon as possible... Review it please I love getting them, review twenty times for the one chapter and I would be VERY happy :D but no, one would suffice from each reader. Thanks and I hope you liked this chapter

Thank you all who reviewed and heres your recognition...

**DarkRaven-04 / phoenix-tear-11 / gio1 / nicole( ) / Alley Mack / Dragonmaster Kurai / damned for eternity / crazy psycho pidgeon( ) / Supreme Neo slytherin Countess / fourthiv / london-brat / Ashley-Paige / LissaRiddle( ) / SerpentineAngel14 / Luv2sk8e / Amanda Elisala( ) / Gothhottie / Sharlu88 / LeslieGlady( ) / ReginicSade87 / crazee / angryatheworld( ) / vicky-malfloy / dramaqueen72 / Elizabeth 73 / Crying Pixie / codeearthaelitak / Eden / happy( ) / fantasy-princess09 / revelyn / sierra / Lynn( ) / Angelsparkle006 **

**really-big-HP-freak-** I have her singing in it not just for the sake of it, you have to read the words of the songs o chose there hints of the world how it is and will be

**Goddess of Gorgeousness-** thanks for reviewing 'perfection'

**Vetilakriz**- yeah, I'm the worst with punctuation and paragraphing, an illiterate fool would probably do a better job with it then me.

**megan( )-** I'll considerate it, I don't really listen to commercial music like that, I'm more into the underground-small-pub rock music.

**your # 1 fan( )-** lol thanx for you 3 reviews saying the same thing. lol

_A friend once told me, love isn't just passion and sex, its everything around you, even hate is a form of love. _


	18. Midnight flying

_Salt in your wounds_

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Harry potter or any of the other characters or the places or anything this plot is mine but that's about it anything that you recognise is not mine either, although I'm pretty sure there isn't much.

**CHAPTER**

"Ms Granger, could you stay back for a minute" Hermione nodded and headed towards the front of the classroom where professor Flitwick was standing on his stool, "yes professor?" Hermione stood obediently in front of his desk as he arranged himself, she watched as the Slytherin half of the class filed out, Hermione's eyes lingered on draco as he lagged behind watching the others leave.

"Hey Draco! You coming?" Crabbe shouted as he got to the threshold. Draco glanced quickly at Hermione and gave her a subtle smile, before closing his face back to the emotionless mask.

"Yeah, I'm coming" he ran his hand quickly through his black hair before walking out with a sigh.

"Ms Granger, the other teachers and I have all noticed a slight-" he paused and shifted unconfutable "a slight change in your grades and work" Hermione shifted foot, she didn't want to have this conversation, not now, not ever. "We are all quite worried" Hermione nodded, but then interrupted quickly trying to get out of this classroom.

"Are you trying to tell me that I'm failing my classes?" professor Flitwick looked shocked and shook his head quickly nearly falling off his stool.

"No, no, not at all, it's just that, well you got a ninety-eight in the last test that is the highest in the class but not quite your usual average, you-" he paused again taking a deep breath before continuing. "You miss spelt 'stupefy' with 'stupid fly'" Hermione bit her lip trying to not smile at the stupid mistake.

"Your right professor I have been feeling unwell lately but I haven't had a chance to go and see madam Pomfrey. I didn't really think it was effecting my school work so much, I'll try harder, now may I go?" professor Flitwick nodded and gestured for the door.

"Yes or course, I hope you get better soon." Hermione nodded and left.

"So why'd he have to see you?" Hermione jumped when Draco spoke from the shadows, she shrugged lazily and headed towards him he didn't move from his dark crevice in the wall.

"He wanted to talk to me about my grades" Hermione saw Draco tilt his head looking at her.

"Have your grades been slipping?" Hermione nodded slowly looking down at the floor.

"Have they ever had to give you that talk?" Draco laughed and let his voice travel down the empty corridor.

"Yeah they've given it to me, they kept saying 'when your father was your age' and stuff like that. Like I care, you're kinda lucky your parents aren't wizards, you don't have the same kinda expectations as us." Hermione nodded.

"You didn't always believe that, after all I was nothing but a mudblood for a while there" Draco winced slightly at 'mudblood' then sighed.

"Yeah, well people who are ignorant believe stupid things" Hermione smiled slowly and looked at Draco's face.

"Are you alright? Your acting kind of off" Draco had been inspecting the family ring that was on his little finger, looked up as she asked the question. He looked at her face and then looked over her shoulder into the distance.

"What do you mean?" his eyes had glazed over and weren't looking at her directly almost like she wasn't there. "Shit, you better go, your buddies are looking for you" Hermione turned around quickly and saw Harry and Ron walking up the corridor.

"I'll see you-" she turned back to look at Draco but found the dark corner empty. "That's weird"

"What weird? And why are you standing in the corner?" Hermione turned around her brow furrowed, before smiled at the two.

"Oh nothing, I was just- nothing" she shrugged again and Harry raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything.

"Ok then, well we were just going to meet the girls at the Quidditch pitch, you wanna come?" Hermione let out a loud laugh but bit her lip at the look on Ron's face.

"Sorry Ron, I have to study for a bit, Flitwick asked me to research something for him, I'd better get started." They both nodded and said their good byes before leaving and walking down the corridor. Hermione gazed after them wondering where it all went wrong. She slowly started to make her way towards the library.

In a dark musty corner of the library Hermione sat alone amongst large books she didn't so much as read them but gaze longingly at the ancient covers.

"You know herm' it's genuinely easier to read when the book is open." Hermione looked up and snapped out of her daze at the sound of Harry's voice.

"I was just thinking." Harry sat on a chair on the opposite side of the table to her looing at her intently.

"About Malfoy?" Hermione looked into Harry's eyes and stared at him confused.

"No, why would I be thinking about Malfoy?" Harry let a small sneer creep onto his face.

"I thought it would be Dracy-poo or snookums by now" Hermione let out a small laugh thinking it was all a joke, but then she saw the serious look on Harry's face.

"Your serious" she placed down the of the large volumes she was holding on one of the piles in front of her, "I don't believe it, you are fucking serious" she said it more to herself then to Harry.

"Of course I'm serious I saw you two, all lovey-dovey together, I thought you were my friend" Harry was trying not to raise his voice, but it was very difficult with the anger pulsing though him, Hermione stared at him in horror.

"Harry I am your friend!" she couldn't believe she was having this conversation.

"Bullshit Hermione! Don't lie to me I can see right though it, you've always been a terrible lire" Hermione sank back in her chair and looked at Harry, he was serious.

"you believed me when I said my summer was fine, you believed me when I said I was over my parents deaths, you believed me when I said I was just having a bad morning, you believe me when I say I'm just tired or I'm just busy or stressing about my grades" she didn't know why she was saying these things they just came out and she couldn't pull them back now.

"You've been lying to me?" Harry said in a shocked whisper, he stared at her as though she was a stranger to him, by this time Hermione's eyes were watering. "I don't believe you! I thought you were my friend," he was talking softly but soon his voice changed and was filled with hatred. "And all this time, you've been fucking my enemy, unbelievable Hermione unbelievable" Hermione leaned forward in her chair watching Harry with fire burning in her eyes.

"Not everything is about you Harry! You are supposed to be my friend! Friends are supposed to notice when other friends are in pain and are hiding things! Your enemies not the one that's supposed to help you, their not supposed to be the one who understands! You were Harry! You were supposed to be able to save me Harry! But you didn't! I don't believe you can pull this crap out on me! You can't call me a bad friend, when all this time I have been crying myself to sleep and just hoping that someone will be my knight" Harry lost his expression of hate when she said all these things.

"what happened Hermione?" his voice was gentle and calming but Hermione had let the door open to all these things that she had kept inside herself for so long and she didn't know how to close it.

"Harry, I've seen you in every class we share for the past week, I've given you my homework and helped you, I've talked with you and Ron at meals, but I haven't smiled once, not once have I been happy" Harry let out a small laugh.

"Hermione I've seen you smile, you're always smiling, I think you just over reacting." This time it was Hermione's time to laugh.

"You can't even tell when your best friend is faking, I've been your friend for six years, I know what makes you tick, I was there for you when Sirius died, and I was there for you when you've been down. How about giving me a shoulder to cry on? How about telling me the worlds not going to end because my parents died, how about showing up for their funeral, and holding my hand telling me it will all be alright?! None of that! I had no one left! I was alone and you didn't even bother to send me a letter. You know Draco was right, people are ignorant to others pain, any your no different, your trying to be the hero but you can't save the world. I'll see you later" Harry stared in shock as Hermione stood up and walked to the door.

"Hermione wait!" Hermione turned around and faced him; no hint of a fake smile was evident on her face.

"I'll see you later Harry" she walked to the door again before turning around and shouting to him. "And don't follow me this time"

Harry stormed into the common room half an hour later, he had spent the last half hour brooding about the fight he had had with Hermione. _'I'm not ignorant, and I'm NOT trying to save the world'_ were the thoughts running though his mind. Harry sat down in one of the comfy chairs near the fire; Ron and Pavarti were in the next chair doing what they always do.

"Hey mate, what's the mater?" Harry glared at the fire and didn't reply, "Mate? Harry? What's the matter?" Ron asked again after a moment of silence, Harry continued to glare at the fire.

"Malfoy" he said after a while, Ron groaned and posed himself ready to jump up and spring to action for a fight.

"What's the bloody git done now?" his face was going red with the suppressed rage. The portrait whole opened and Hermione stepped in carrying a large book, she looked around and spotted the two boys. Ron was too fired up to notice her entrance, but Harry looked up and stared at her, he had no emotion written on his face but she could see throbbing anger in his eyes.

"You should ask Hermione" there was a loud bang as Hermione slammed her book down on a near by table, drawing all attention to her. She glared hotly at Harry before saying loud enough to the whole room to hear.

"No Ron, why don't you ask Harry, he seems to thinks he knows everything about me" before storming off to the girls dormitories.

As she got to the first step she paused and said quietly so only the people closest could hear which including Harry. "You know Harry, when you start to find understanding and safety in your enemy; it really makes you think about whom your real friends are." Then she walked up the stairs to the sanctuary of her bedroom and her music.

Hermione rolled over in her bed, she hadn't slept at all that night, she was too fired up about Harry.

"Time?" she spoke out aloud and was replied by the magic clock that sat on the small bedside table

"Twelve-twenty-six. Time to be asleep" Hermione groaned out aloud wanting to throw the stupid clock to the other end of the room for that annoying piece of information.

She stared at the canopy above, for a while, "arrgg, red, the colour of my blood" she watched as the light from the moon that crept in though the half open curtains made shadows across the canopy she watched as the lovely pools of colour teases her imagination and it was like watching sunlight dance on a river of blood.

A light tapping on the window called her attention; she slowly got up from her bed and walked over to the window pulling the curtains open fully.

She smiled when she saw Draco sitting on his broomstick, wearing a loose shirt and pants. She opened the window and let him climb in.

"I couldn't sleep, I wondered if you were awake too" Draco stood in the middle of the room gazing around the room, Hermione watched him from her bed.

"Do you ever sleep?" Draco shrugged and read the titles of the muggle books on a small shelf near the window.

"No" he lifted a black book from the shelf and smiled at the cover, he traced the lines of the title slowly _'To kill a mocking bird'_. "I never feel safe enough too" Hermione nodded and walked over to him.

"That's my favourite book, my mum and dad used to always quote it to me when I was younger." Hermione smiled at the memory of her family. Draco continued to gaze at the book before flipping slowly though the pages.

"It was the first muggle book I ever read." He smiled as he replaced the book on the shelf. "I had a fight with Zimbini" Hermione frowned and looked at him curiously,

"Why?" Draco put on an amused smile but Hermione saw right though it, to the sadness the he hid.

"He was pissed off that even though I have black hair and piercing, the whole of Slytherin still looks up to me, and would jump if I told them too. He said the only reason is because my father is my father" Hermione pulled him into a light hug, and they slowly started to rock backwards and forwards. "I don't want to depend on him; I don't want to be him. I don't want to be who my father wants me to be" Draco muttered into her hair. Hermione pulled away from him for a moment and looked into his eyes.

"you aren't him, when your father dies, kings will go to his funeral, when you do, friends will be there" she wiped away a tear that was sliding down his face, before draco wrapped his arms around him waist and pulled her to him and bowed his head to kiss her. Hermione's arms wrapped around his neck as they deepened the kiss.

**A/N** there's another chapter, I hope you enjoyed it, I am aware that I left you all at a tad of a cliff-hanger, but that was sort of the point, I am also aware that I have had a lot of fights in recent chapters, and I did that because my personal experiences with depression involved a LOT of fights with EVERYONE. I don't have that many more chapters to do so it will end in a maybe five more chapters that includes the epilogue. WHICH IS IMPORTANT SO YOU CANT SKIP IT!

Thanks my reviewers...

**phoenix-tear-11 / BbyChick / Lelimo / fourthiv / london-brat / dramaqueen72 / fantasy-princess09 / Gothhottie / dracolov / Dark-Illusion1 / Erika / Luv2sk8e / ObSsEsSeD**

**V0xLoS-** the engraving part is just representing what he feels, when he had that fight a lot of things became clear to him and sometimes that can feel like you bound and gagged and in possible danger, he was just drawing it in a place for people years to come.


	19. Wait for me

_Salt in your wounds_

**READ THIS ANNOUNCMENT! **

_This chapter had Hermione singing a song, do not skip it, because it says a lot of how she feels, and my advise to all of you who are reading, listen to the song, so you know what it sounds like, only this one song, none of the others their just there because I love them and they fit, but my advise to all is listen to it, it is **'Goreki'** and is sung by **'lamb'**_

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Harry potter or any of the other characters or the places or anything this plot is mine but that's about it anything that you recognise is not mine either, although I'm pretty sure there isn't much.

_**Previously**_

"_you aren't him, when your father dies, kings will go to his funeral, when you do, friends will be there" she wiped away a tear that was sliding down his face, before draco wrapped his arms around him waist and pulled her to him and bowed his head to kiss her. Hermione's arms wrapped around his neck as they deepened the kiss._

**CHAPTER**

_Wait for me_

Draco pulled Hermione towards him taking refuge in her warmth and softness. Slowly their kiss became more fierce and needing as their hands explored the others body, slowly their leaned backwards landing on the large four poster bed.

Hermione hands explored Draco's broad chest feeling the muscles that were hidden under his shirt. She had never felt this passion with any one else, her first experience of love in any form had been with Viktor Krum, but that had been shy and cautious, nothing like this, this was a new extreme something you cant read about in a book, that thought once frightened Hermione but now it exhilarated her. It was like a fire was burning inside her and if it was extinguished then she wouldn't be able to live anymore.

Slowly their clothes were taken off and they were left in their naked form, Hermione didn't blush or hide beneath the covers, she lay proud to be there with Draco. She looked closely at Draco's skin tracing the thin silver lines that covered his body, she watched fascinated as her feather light touches made his body tense she looked up to him and saw him watching her she leaned her head up and kissed him tenderly on the chin before moving up to his lips capturing him in a exhilarating kiss.

Draco's hands explored her back and body relishing in the feel of her bare skin under his fingertips her skin was soft and smooth like silk, her fingers explored the thin lines that covered his body, she didn't look away with disgust of sadness but followed the lines with her fingers and eyes her light touches teased his skin. Slowly she leaned up to him and capturing his lips in a kiss he closed his eyes and let the waves of passion engulf him before he pulled her closer and slowly slipping into her, for the first time Hermione didn't shout or scream at this, but was wisped away in the passion.

The morning sun seeped in thought the open curtains waking the two sleeping figures. Hermione slowly opened her eyes and saw Draco's platinum blond hair covering his face and his head rested gently on her stomach, she ran her fingers gently though his soft hair waking him from his slumber, he looked up and saw the source of his comfort smiling at the glow that seemed to radiate off Hermione's face, the morning sun made her skin shine bronze and her hair was wavy and covered her neck and chest he smiled thinking to himself, _'my goddess'_ her fingers continued to run though his hair, sending chills down his spine.

An hour later the two teens still lay on the bed, Hermione lay comfortably on her back smiling at the gently movements of Draco's pen, she sung softy to herself just loud enough for draco to hear the lyrics of one of her favourite songs, her soft gently voice cascaded out of her mouth in the soft rhythm of the song,

"_If I should die,_

_This very moment,_

_I wouldn't feel,_

_For I've never known completeness,_

_Like being here._

_Wrapped in the warmth of you,_

_Loving every breath of you_

_Steal my heart this moment_

_Ohhh it might burst"_

Draco drew curving lines drawing a perfect picture of an elegant rose its lines met perfectly making it seem real enough to touch, he closed his eyes gently listening to her soft voice that filled his head, he gazed up at Hermione and her eyes were closed and she had a smile on her face that seemed to shine in the morning light. He watched as he lips formed the words and sent them into the atmosphere.

"_Could we stay right here,_

_Till the end of time_

_Till the earth stops turning_

_Wanna love you _

_Till the seas run dry_

_I've found the one_

_I've waited for_

_All this time I've loved you_

_And never known your face_

_All this time I've miss you_

_And search this human race_

_Here is true peace_

_Here my heart knows calm _

_Safe in your soul _

_Bathed in your size_

_Wanna stay right here_

_Till the end of time_

_Till the earth stops turning_

_Gonna love you_

_All the seas run dry_

_I've found the one_

_I've waited for_

_The one..._

_I've waited for_

_All I've known_

_All I've done_

_All I've felt_

_Was leading to this_

_All I've known _

_All I've done_

_All I've felt_

_Was Leading to this_

_Wanna stay right here_

_Till the end of time,_

_Till the earth stops turning_

_Gonna love you_

_Till the seas run dry_

_I've found the one_

_I've waited for_

_The one..._

_I've waited for_

_Wanna stay right here_

_Till the end of time_

_Till the earth stops turning_

_Gonna love you_

_Till the seas _

_I've found the one..._

_I've waited for_

_The one..._

_I've waited for_

_The one..._

_I've waited..._

_For."_

When she finished singing draco leaned forward and kissed her softly on her mouth, all was said in this one kiss, _'your not alone'_ sometimes that can be the greatest thing in the world to know, the phrase _'I love you'_ is thrown around so loosely lately it has become worthless, but to Hermione that one phrase _'your not alone'_, those three words were the most important thing he could have said.

Draco broke from the kiss and signed his work on her stomach before leaning forward and kissing it gently muttering "manere-æternitas" it was a small spell he had learnt a long time ago and had only ever used twice.

There was a knock on the door and then a shuffle followed by muttered voices.

"No, Ron, I'm not apologising"

"Harry I don't know what you did, but she's been locked in there since last night you need to apologise"

"No, Ron, you don't understand, I can't" Hermione's eyes widened and she stared in horror at the large door, Draco looked slightly confused but then understanding hit him and he whispered

"You had a fight with them?" Hermione nodded and whispered

"Harry saw us at the astronomy tower" before getting up and searching for something to wear, she caught a glimpse of the picture draco drew on her in the mirror and smiled turning to him, she quickly gave him a kiss before closing the curtains to the bed concealing him. She put on a large black shirt and some baggy pants and cautiously walked towards the door.

Another knock came to the door, this time there was silence on the other side. Hermione opened it and looked blankly at the two boys.

"Yes?" she asked after there was a second of silence, Harry shifted uncomfortably glancing at Ron. "Harry I don't want your fake apology, we had our discussion in the library, and you made yourself perfectly clear." Then she turned back to enter her room again.

"Hermione wait" she paused when she heard Harry. "Hermione, I should have paid more attention it just, shocked me that you would do that, I mean, I thought you were my friend and then you betrayed me, I didn't know what to think" Hermione sighed and clenched her jaw closing her eyes and took a deep breath to calm herself.

"Harry, I didn't betray you, I just did something that was right for me for once." She took another step inside her room but was forced backwards by Harry grabbing her arm.

"Hermione he's the enemy!" Hermione turned around and glared at him before her face darkened and she looked sadly at him.

"No Harry, Voldemort is the enemy, death eaters are the enemy, but draco isn't, your just seeing what his father wants to be true" Harry looked at her before letting go of her arm and turning away without another word said he descended the stairs.

Hermione came back into the room and saw Draco with his pants on sitting on the edge of the bed, he looked up and smiled at Hermione as she came closer, she sat at his side and he turned to her.

"Hermione, do you trust me?" Hermione looked up into his stormy eyes and saw fear for the first time.

"Yes" was all she was able to say, Draco sighed and touched her cheek softly.

"Then would you run away with me? My father wants me to get the dark mark tonight, he's taking me and three others to get it done, but I don't want to, if you run away with me, I'll tell him to go to hell then come back for you, we can leave all this behind, become new people and not have to worry about our pasts. Will you wait for me?" Hermione processed this and gazed into his eyes, before whispering,

"Yes, I will wait" Draco smiled and leaned in to kiss her embedding the kiss into his memory.

**A/N** I'm not happy with this chapter at all, I've been really sick lately and I still sorta am, so that was why I didn't post sooner, so sorry everyone, especially the people who send me reviews saying 'why aren't you updating anymore' but I was well enough today to finish writing the chapter, I'll try to get the next one up while I'm feeling mildly well, so sorry again, I hoped you liked this chapter when the story is finished I might re-do it but its not finished yet. Sorry if anyone thought it was smutty, but that's all the smut that will go into this story, we just had to get all that out of the way and get what happened to happen. So now onto my reviews...

**ObSsEsSeD / phoenix-tear-11 / really-big-HP-freak / brtnylyn689 / AirForce / Crying Pixie / london-brat / fantasy-princess09 / Dark-Illusion1 / Supreme Neo slytherin Countess / topps / dramaqueen72 / sweetie2 / o0-ireth-0o / Colette Stanford / Samantha / Goddess of Gorgeousness / Lelimo / DeepWaterAngel / dilini **

**yanely1167-** yeah I do, and maybe I will

**The Stevie**- thank you for the constructive criticism, I know nobody really like s them but they do help, I've gotten my self into a really bad habit, of changing tenses and using comas, I swear I'm the worst and thanks for pointing it out I never really know if I'm doing it or not. You only gave me two reviews so I don't know if you've stopped reading, but f you do keep reading please keep up the criticism, it does help.

**Rikki**- its so sad that people can relate to what I write, I write it mostly about my own experiences and it is just the worst think in the world to have so many people understand, I'm glade you like my story, and I'm sorry that you and your love are so like Hermione and draco, but I understand what pain is and that people hurt.

'Sometimes hurting is the only thing that keeps us alive' is something my friend said, ok but then he died so I suppose it didn't keep him alive much.

**LeggoMyLegolas40**- sorry about the mistake, kinda habit to call him that, I might change it but then some might get confused, thanks for the info though.

And to...

**Ginger** for reviewing I think nearly all my chapters, bloody hell! Talk about a lot of reviews. But thanks : D


	20. Freedom

_Salt in your wounds_

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Harry potter or any of the other characters or the places or anything this plot is mine but that's about it anything that you recognise is not mine either, although I'm pretty sure there isn't much.

**CHAPTER**

_freedom_

The four Slytherin seventh year boys stood silently in the common room, nobody wanted to break the silence that enveloped them. It was five minutes to midnight and each boy moved into a huddled circle in front of the fireplace. Soon the clock struck twelve and each boy raised the wands and said in a combined voice that filled the room "capere- Iacchus- quo- apud- caliginous- dominus-Voldemort" and instantly the room filled with a heavy mist.

Draco landed in a dark room, the only other occupant was his father, draco stood completely still in the middle of the room, staring at the man in front of him, similar to him in so many ways on the outside.

Lucius' face was masked with hatred his smelt the air and then sneered before saying in a calm cold voice, if draco hadn't heard it so many times before he would have whimpered in the corner instead he stood stock still watching his fathers ever move as he spoke.

"You stink of filth, I killed your last whore and yet you still go back the to the muggle world and find another." Hermione's face flicked in front of his eyes and it calmed him he spoke in the same deathly calm voice, many would think he was talking to himself instead of his father.

"You're the only whore I know father" a muscle in Lucius' jaw clenched but he didn't shout or scream instead replied calmly staring into the matching grey eyes before him.

"Don't you dare speak to me like that, I am your father, and I will not be spoken to by such a filthy traitor" he seemed to spit these words but his face remained impassive, just like his sons, draco thought of all the times he had called Hermione filth and wanted to apologise again and again but he didn't let his father see how the comment effected him.

"I am not filth, you are the one that would lap dance the dark lord if he told you to, you are a stupid old fool who lives off his money and name, how dare you call me filth" again that muscle in Lucius' jaw tightened and his face gained a light red tint.

"I will not have you destroy this for me, you filthy muggle lover, I will kill you if you do anything stupid" he said in a deathly whisper that was in the same neutral tone besides the hint of a threat.

"I'm not afraid to die father" Draco replied calmly as though the threat of death didn't bother him.

"I will make you wish you were dead" draco thought of how Hermione and him had jumped off the tower together, bastards like this man in front of him had caused them to do that, weak crazy bastards like his father.

"I do believe you have been working on that since I was born" he didn't change his expression, Lucius glared hotly at his son's impassive expression and calm demure.

"You have no idea the pain I can bring you" Lucius' voice was purely calm again with no hint of emotion.

"The cruciatas curse? Please I've had that enough it's like taking a shower" Draco wanted to openly flinch at the memories of that curse, the pain that had ripped though his body it had seemed like his body was being torn apart, but he couldn't let his father know how much it hurt him, he couldn't let him know that he didn't sleep at night because he feared having that curse rip him apart again.

"That is just one of the many things I can do to you, don't toy with me boy I am stronger then you will ever be" draco let out a loud laugh, just to annoy his father, he watched as the laugh washed over his father and shock was in his eyes, that is what he lived for, making his father think about what draco could do to him.

"Then why is it that you aren't the dark lord's right hand man? Wormtail is" again the muscle in Lucius' jaw twitched and Lucius grinded his teeth subtly.

"That fool is only there by chance, I should be his right hand" Draco had hit a nerve, now he couldn't let it go that easily, this was revenge for all the times he had been beaten, revenge for Tommy and Natasha, revenge for making him hate Hermione for all those years.

"Don't kid yourself father, I'm your last vain hope to get you in further with the dark lord" it was true, all Draco's life he had been taught how to be the best because otherwise his father was screwed and had no way to become Voldemort's right hand man.

"Don't be a fool, I am the strongest death eater there is" _'keep believing that, it's the only thing keeping you sane, if you can call yourself that'_

"Then why is it that you fear me?" Draco can see his fathers face becoming red with suppressed rage; he could've put the whole Weasley family clan to shame.

"I don't fear you boy! Why would I ever fear you?" he had let his anger out, Draco was getting to him badly, he couldn't suppress that much rage forever.

"Because I am the heir to the Malfoy name. Mothers too much of a whore you wouldn't know if the kid was yours. I can destroy the Malfoy name if I wanted" still draco spoke in the eerily calm voice, with the impassive face, he thought of Hermione and kept his face perfectly calm, this was for her, they would leave tonight.

"Don't think so high of yourself!" Lucius continued to shout he couldn't hold any of it in, and his son's perfect calmness was irritating him, like it did everyone else.

"I will not follow in your footsteps; I will not become a mindless drone of a fool who wants to take over the world" this was not his war, he didn't need to fight in it, he would run away again, live happily ever after with Hermione, they could kill each other for all he cared, he would be finally free and so would Hermione.

"You will do as your told" Lucius was getting desperate and Draco could tell.

"You can't make me father, not matter how much you want" again the muscle in his jaw twitched and this time his left eye did as well.

"I can make you do anything I want" a vain statement to make him believe.

"The Imperius curse doesn't work on me anymore, or don't you remember? I have the scars to show you if you don't" the first time draco had broken out of the Imperius curse was the start of it all, that was when he had apparated away.

"You will go in there and receive the dark mark or I will kill you, you cant apparate out of here, so you have no other choice." For the first time Draco paused, if he couldn't apparate away then how could he get out? A port key? Draco's mind explored the possibilities, and he came to a conclusion, he had been here once before and had seen the way each death eater would leave, but he needed to concentrate on where he wanted to go, and then say the correct incantation.

"I would rather die then be under the dark lord's control" he said after a second of thinking, Lucius noticed the moments pause and smiled broadly making him look like the cat that got the cream but his moment of happiness was stopped when draco raised his want and started speaking. Lucius couldn't let Draco leave, he had underestimated him and now he was going to leave, Lucius' control snapped and he yelled at Draco,

"You stupid child! You will not destroy this for me!" Lucius stepped forwards and hit him across the cheek; Draco fell to the floor with the sudden unexpected force. Lucius didn't give him a chance to get up before he kicked him hard in the ribs making him cough and gasp for breath. again Lucius hit him watching as his son lay coughing on the ground, his eyes darkened with anger, and again he hit draco, before bending down and grabbing him by the throat, slowly he tightened his grip until draco turned red and was gasping for breath, Lucius let go and watched as draco huddled on the ground grasping for breath, before he kicked him again and again in the stomach and face, and back, anywhere that would hurt he was being controlled by his anger and the need to inflict pain to the boy who had called him weak.

Draco lay bleeding from multiple cuts and was covered in bruises, but yet he was slowly gasping for breath and coughing up blood he couldn't open his left eye it was already swelling up from the hits and his mouth was filled with his own blood.

Lucius looked down at the boy lying on the ground, coughing up blood and withering in pain, "you are not my son" he said in a cold deadly monotone, before he raised his want and pointed it at draco who closed his eyes in expectation of the curse that was soon thrown at him. The room was silent. And the only thing Draco saw was the faces of the two most beautiful women he had ever met, they both smiled at him from behind his closed eyelids.

The sound of his father's voice broke the silence, with one word.

"Crucio" and then the room was filled with the deafening screams of draco, as he withered in pain on the ground.

A moment later the room was once again filled with silence, and the lifeless body of Draco lay on the ground lifeless and cold, but if one would look closely at his face, they would see the smallest of smiles on the his face.

$$

Hermione sat staring ahead as she half listened to the teacher, she was in a class full of Ravenclaw's, she liked the fact that the Ravenclaw's never talked and they all did their work not annoying the others in the class.

Halfway thought the class professor McGonagall entered the class looking flustered; she looked fervently around the class before spotting Hermione. She said something to the teacher and he gestured for Hermione to go with professor McGonagall.

Outside the class professor McGonagall walked swiftly towards Dumbledore's office, she faced the gargoyle and cleared her throat and quickly made herself look presentable before realising that Hermione was standing with her and said clearly. "Cornea's confectionary .co" the gargoyle sprang to life and moved aside, revealing the moving staircase, they both stepped onto the same step and stayed in silence as the stairs made their way up. Professor McGonagall didn't even knock she just calmly opened the door and gestured for Hermione to enter.

"ah, ms granger, please take a seat" he gestured at a comfortable chair in front of his desk. She nodded and sat down facing the headmaster. "Now ms granger, I'm afraid you will have to complete the remainder of the years head duties along," Hermione stared at Dumbledore, what did he mean? Where's Draco? "I'm afraid the recent head boy has, died, we found him in his dorm room early this morning" Hermione stared in shock at the headmaster, she felt the world around her crash to the ground, slowly the words started to ring in her ears. She closed her eyes and slunk down in her chair she wanted to cry, but she couldn't, not in front of Dumbledore and McGonagall, she held back a sob and nodded mutely at the headmaster before slowly raising from her seat. She saw professor McGonagall give Dumbledore a confused look, but Hermione didn't do anything but walk slowly from the room and down the stairs towards her dorm, and the sanctuary of her bed. As she got closer to the portrait of the fat lady she came face to face with Harry and Ron, Harry looked guilty and came towards her, he didn't notice the far off stony look on her face but looked down at her shoes.

"Hermione I'm sorry, I suppose I should be happy you found someone you love, but I just want to warn you, he is a Malfoy, and I don't want you to be hurt" he looked up at her face and saw tears running down her face. "Hermione?" he asked stepping forward just as she fell to her knees and bowed her head letting the heavy sobs escape her lips, the tears rolled down her face and she sunk further to the ground rocking back and forth to a silent rhythm. "Hermione? What's the matter? Did he hurt you? Hermione?" Hermione didn't say a thing but stayed rocking to her own rhythm.

Quickly a crowd formed around the three people, slowly Hermione stopped her sobs but the large tears continued to cascade down her face, she began to be able to hear the group of people around her.

"What the matter?"

"What happened?"

"Did someone hit her?"

"What did you say Harry?"

"What happened?"

"Oh god you'd think she was raped of something, she's such a fake" the last comment was made by lavender and was followed by laughter from Pavarti.

Hermione stood up slowly, nearly mechanically and faced lavender, her puffy, tear stained face glared at lavender, she stepped closer so that she was inches away from her and raised her hand quickly then slapping her across the face. A resounding crack filled the hallway with the slap; everyone gasped and stared in shock at the head girl.

Harry stepped forward and held Hermione.

"Lav, you deserved that you know, she was crying" lavender looked like she had been slapped again and put her hands on her hips before shouting.

"Why don't you just marry Hermione then? Since you like it when she slaps your girlfriend, that's it Harry, we're over" the crowd parted and professor McGonagall walked into the circle, apparently she had seen the whole thing, including the slap.

"Ms Brown, that is not necessary, now go to my office and I will deal with you in a minute. And ms granger, I expected better behaviour, we all are I shock from mr Malfoy's death but that gives you no right to slap another student." A gasp echoed around the hallway, and Harry turned to Hermione who had pulled herself out of his grasp before nodding to her professor and walking into the common room and up to her room.

**A/N** my god, that was so hard, its hard to write a character you like dying. Well I hope you all like the chapter... well not like per-say, but yeah any way, review it please and I'll update soon, it's nearly finished, if none of you review I don't update so better get reviewing huh.


	21. Goodbye

_Salt in your wounds_

**THERE WAS SOME CONTROVERSY ABOUT MY LAST CHAPTER, YES DRACO IS DEAD. I KNOW I KNOW IT'S A TERRIBLE THING, AND SECONDLY DRACO COULD DIE, JUST NOT FROM A GREAT HEIGHT, THE RULES ARE THAT AS LONG AS HERMIONE IS ALIVE THEN IF HE JUMPED OR FELL FROM A GREAT HIGHT HE WOULDN'T DIE, AS IS WITH HERMIONE. BUT THAT DOESN'T MAKE THEM IMMORTAL THEY CAN STILL DIE BY BEING STABBED, SHOT, STRANGELS, BEAT OR KILLED BY ANOTHER WAY, JUST NOT FROM HEIGHTS. Just wanted to make that clear.**

**And yes, I know, I accidentally wrote that draco had platinum blond hair in chapter 18 OR 19, terribly sorry, I knew there was something wrong with it when I wrote it, but please forgive me**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Harry potter or any of the other characters or the places or anything this plot is mine but that's about it anything that you recognise is not mine either, although I'm pretty sure there isn't much. And I DO own the poem at the start, just thought it sorta fit so I put it in.

**CHAPTER**

_Goodbye_

Watch as I take a blade beneath my skin

Cutting away all the pain I hide inside

Watch as my crimson red blood soaks though my skin

Watch as my blood runs down my arm

Over my clenched fists, and hide within the cracks

Watch as my blood forms a tear falling down towards the ground

Landing with no sound on the pure white tiles below

See into my eyes and see my pain

Listen to the voices that cry what I think

Weak

Freak

Weirdo

Watch as a tear rolls down my cheek

Falling to the ground and mixing with my blood

Watch as I close my eyes and smile into bliss

As I feel the pain

Like burning hot iron

Like nails slicing though skin

Watch as the waves of pain sweep over me

Like the waves at the beach

Lapping at me gently

Don't scream when you find me

Don't try to save me

Don't wipe away the blood and find my cut

Don't try to be my saviour

You're already too late

Hermione stood in front of the full length mirror in her bedroom, she looked deeply into her own eyes, they were glassy and seemed distant even to her. Without thinking she slowly raised her hand to stoke her cheek like Draco had done the day before in short graceful movements comforting her, she felt the heated skin beneath her fingers; it was a hypnotic movement that filled her body.

Slowly her eyes closed and she let the face of Draco float before her eyes, he was smiling and laughing, he seemed to be free in some way, free in a way that he never was during life.

The face of Draco changed from the smiling laughing Draco to one with a far off look in his eyes, and the consecrating stare that he got when he spoke of freedom.

_We can leave all this behind, become new people and not have to worry about our pasts. Will you wait for me? _His voice was clear in Hermione's head, Hermione continued to run her fingers gently over her cheek slowly pressing harder as Draco's face was replaced by professor Dumbledore's, his voice filled her head, it was so cheerful as he gave her that terrible news.

_I'm afraid you will have to complete the remainder of the years head duties along, I'm afraid the recent head boy has died, we found him in his dorm room early this morning_ again the face changed and her head swam as professor McGonagall's face replaced Dumbledore's. Hermione slowly began to dig her fingers into her cheek, her nails were digging into her soft skin, leaving red marks, and smears of blood as she pressed as hard as she could forcing her nails into her skin. _Ms Granger,_ _I expected better behaviour, we all are in shock from Mr Malfoy's death but that gives you no right to slap another student_ McGonagall's voice rang loudly, her no-nonsense voice infuriated Hermione

'Why? Why did you expect better from me? He's dead and you won't even grieve. Draco was right, nobody in this world does care, their all superficial fools who believe nothing matters except themselves.'

Hermione rocked back and forth as she saw the faces of the people she knew telling her useless things.

After a moments silence Hermione lifted her shirt to gaze at the picture draco had drawn just yesterday, she traced the lines of the stem slowly with her fingertip, she traced the lines of the thorns, they seemed so sharp that they could pierce her skin, she smiled down at the petals as she ran her finger across them, she could almost feel their velvety feel. Hermione looked away from the beautiful picture and up into the mirror, four red streaks ran down the side of her face, the dull throbbing didn't stop it just continued in its steady eternal beat, she gazing at the perfect flower on her stomach with its perfect lines and shapes, she smiled softly tracing the lines of his signature thinking of how he touched her when he kissed, how soft and gentle his fingers where, and how he seemed completely at peace with the world when he drew.

Again she heard his voice filling her mind, _one mistake or one choice changes the way our lives go, so I believe it was that one mistake that I made that changed everything to bring me to where I am today_ Draco's voice filled her, she spoke out aloud in a quite whisper

"What's your mistake?" she was replied by the same reply that she got all those days ago, _My mistake was finding happiness_ the thought made her grind her teeth, hating the fact that it was true. She choked back a sob before shouting to the ceiling letting the tears roll silently down her face letting them fall into her cuts making them sting, but inevitably making them better "Why did you have to leave? You promised we would go away together, run away and become new people! I can't do it without you! Why did you leave me?" she glared at the mirror, it laughed at her, at all her losses and pain, it mocked her, showing her what no one saw, it showed the things that hurt the most. Without looking away she raised her fist and plunged it though the mirror watching fascinated as the shards of mirror fell to the ground, she smiling at the pain that creped up her arm, and she laughed softly as she pulled her arm from the broken mirror, she watched with strange satisfactions as her own blood fell to the ground, she didn't whimper or cry from the pain, but smiled into it, taking refuge in the truth that it possessed, it didn't hide behind false smiles and fake reassurances, it was what it was. _'Pain is sometimes the best friend you could ever possibly have.'_

The dining hall was as loud as it always was, the only table that showed any difference at all was the Slytherin's, they were usually loud and unruly but today they seemed slightly detached to the rest of the school, it was like a thick sheet had been pulled over each of them, and in the centre of the table, sat an empty chair, Hermione swallowed hard as she saw the empty chair that had always belonged to draco, nobody dared sit on the designated seat of the Slytherin king, only one face didn't seem empty or lost, Blaise Zimbini sat proudly in his seat opposite the now empty chair, he didn't smile but you could tell by the light in his eyes that he wasn't grieving, he was looking intently at the chair, smiling as he thought of himself in his place. To sit there now would be plain disrespectful, but he would have that chair, and all the glory that came with it.

Hermione sat at the other end of the hall resting on her hand; she had gone to the great hall early and had positioned herself in a way that didn't show her right cheek, she had continued to wear her school robes since they covered her hand easily.

Soon the rest of the school drifted in, Harry and Ron took their place opposite her, each looked slightly uncomfortable in her presence, and she tried to give the both a reassuring smile but failed when she saw Harry's slightly puffy red eyes, and immediately remembered lavender exclaiming that they were 'over'. Hermione looked away from them both and focused on Dumbledore who rose from his seat and was preparing to talk to the school.

"...so let us all raise our goblets and give a toast, to Draco Malfoy" the school raised their goblets and repeated his last three words. Hermione quickly wiper her eyes and looked down at her plate.

"Hey herm, can you pass me the potatoes?" Hermione snapped her head to the left and saw Neville gesturing to the potatoes. She gave him a small smile and passed him the bowl.

"Herm, what's that on your face?" Hermione looked at Harry and tried to smile, but she failed as she replayed the last five minutes in her head. She was looking at her plate, and then Neville interrupted her asking for the potatoes, then she turned and faced him... showing her right cheek to her friends. She clenched her jaw, and tried to look confused.

"What's what?" Harry didn't smile and seemed not to notice her confused act.

"Those scratches on your face" people around the table became silent and tried to listen subtly.

"Oh! Them, their just scratches from Crookshanks" Hermione again tried to smile but stopped faking when she saw Harry's face, he didn't seem to blink, and was staring intently at her.

"Their not cat scratches" Harry stated. Hermione piled some food onto her plate before looking back at Harry, she didn't pretend to smile, she just simply replied in a dismissive voice.

"Yes they are Harry"

The rest of the dinner continued in silence between the two. Hermione stood up from the table, and reached for her books, she was beaten by Harry who lunged forward and grabbed her books off the table.

"Where are you going?" he asked quickly, but soon regained his composure realising he looked like a fool leaning over the table.

"To the library" Hermione stated grabbing her books from his arms.

"let me come with you" Harry said rushed to stand up from his seat a little to quickly and caused the rest of the occupants who shared his bench to all be rocked back and forth until he climbed over to the other side.

"Harry I don't need a chaperone, I'm fine, besides I thought I _betrayed_ you" Harry looked uncomfortably around at the mention of their fight which in truth hadn't been resolved yet.

"I... need to borrow a book" Hermione noticed the moments pause and raised a sceptical eyebrow.

"Harry, I know you're lying, I don't need you to take me to the library, and besides, you need to do some studying" Harry looked uncomfortable for a moment before smiling brightly.

"Your right herm-y, I do need to study, and I think you're just the right person to help me." Ron tuned into the conversation and grabbed Harry's sleeve.

"Mate, I thought we had Quidditch practice, we have a game tomorrow" Harry swore loudly and sat back down.

"Your right, well I'll see you later, Hermione, and... don't do anything stupid" he looked at her sceptically before letting her go.

Hermione sat on the edge of the astronomy tower and watched the sky quickly darken, she smiled as she thought about all the times she had been up here with Draco, this is where they found their understanding, and this was their sanctuary.

'_To fly on the winds back, and hear everything it has to tell, that is majesty. To hear the secrets of the world and watch as the sky turns from light to dark, and dark to light, that is only majesty' _Draco's voice seemed to fly thought the sky, his deep slightly husky voice filled her head and wrapped itself around her like a blanket, shielding her from the cold wind. In the distance she could see the Quidditch pitch, a few faceless figures flew though the sky, soundlessly, and effortlessly.

Wrapped in the warmth of his words she spoke to the sky. "What would happen if I jump?" again her mind replied with Draco's answer, his wisdom before his time, and his understanding of what life is rang though his voice that filled her head and the sky. '_Your death would make people wonder, make them wonder what made the perfect Gryffindor head girl jump' _Hermione listened to the words, smiling at the truth, something she didn't see all that much in her life. "I'm not perfect" she whispered to herself, but this time she said more then she did that day. "But you already know that don't you?" she smiled at the thought of Draco smiling his beautiful half smile, his eyes laughing at the light words. "How long would it take them to find me?" she spoke clear already knowing the answer, basking in the memory of the most truthful conversation she ever had _'As long as it takes for them to notice your absence,' _Hermione closed hereyes and let the wind hit her, enjoying its harsh movements.

"To jump from the tallest tower to escape the evil that dwells in the world, seems like something that you'd read in a fairytale, sick and twisted like they are." She recited as Draco had done, his voice ran though hers, making it strong and dominating, it seemed to drown out the roar of the wind. Eventually her voice died down and was once again replaced by the wind. "What would you do if I jump?" she asked before whispering the reply wishing it was Draco who spoke "I'd join you in the sky".

Later that night Hermione sat alone in the common room, the last of the late nighters had already made their way up to bed, and she was left alone in the dieing firelight to contemplate the world.

The words to Goreki ran thought her head, her own voice filled her mind, she pictured draco resting on her stomach as she sung to him, she felt his careful movements as he drew, she remembered how he had paused to listen to her sing, she had felt so free that day, with the gentle morning sun shining on them both as her voice filled the room, it was like the past didn't happen, and the outside world didn't exist, they were alone and everything was perfect. Hermione's smiled as she remembered it all. She had felt alive, but then, she also felt like she had finally died and gone to heaven. She had been safe in his arms and nothing was going to hurt her. He gave her freedom before he was taken away from her.

Hermione slowly rose from her seat and headed towards the portrait whole, she couldn't breathe in the common room, it was too stuffy and inclosed.

She slowly walked the hallways watching the paintings sleep, peaceful and away from all other things, they could live in their own little world, the dangers of the outside world didn't harm them, but yet, most of them were so human they were still scared of death.

Hermione's feet took her to the hospital wing; she wanted to ask madam Pomfrey for some dreamless sleep potion, she knew that if she lay down on that bed, her mind would be filled with memories. She couldn't deal with that, not now.

As she entered the sterile white hospital wing she saw a closed off section, without knowing why she slowly walked over to it and pulled back the curtain that surrounded the cubical.

Lying on the bed was Draco; his face was bruised and cut. As though in a trance Hermione walked forward and touched his skin, just to feel it again. It was cold so unlike how it had always felt while he was alive, she slowly ran her fingers though his black hair, it was still so soft, although parts of it had been clumped together by blood, she stroked his head running her fingers along his sculpt, slowly she let her fingers travel across his cheek and touch his lips, she looked closely and saw a small smile on them, slowly she ran her index finger along his jaw line stopping at his chin, she gently tilted it up and lowered her own mouth to his lips, giving him a final kiss his lips were dry and cold and a contrast to her soft, warm ones, she seemed to melt into the gently kiss, glad to have him again. As she pulled away a tear fell from her eye and landed and his cheek bone, before running down onto his lips, she watched transfixed as it seeped in though the cracks.

Hermione ran her fingers over his lips one more time and ran her hand down his chest to rest on his heart, there was no beat. There was nothing.

Hermione wiped away another tear before it fell, then turning away and whispering.

"Goodbye Draco"

**A/N** well there you go, I am so nearly finished it's not funny. Well I hope you enjoyed it, because it was a bloody pain to write.

Thanks to my reviewers, you're all wonderful...

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And to all of you, I killed him because he has to die for this story to ever end.

I got around 65 reviews for those two chapters, that's so cool!


	22. Victory and Defeat

_Salt in your wounds_

LAST CHAPTER! But there is an epilogue so stay tuned; I'll have it up soon.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Harry potter or any of the other characters or the places or anything this plot is mine but that's about it anything that you recognise is not mine either, although I'm pretty sure there isn't much.

**CHAPTER**

Victory and Defeat

"_Welcome to the Gryffindor verses Ravenclaw game, here come our teams, from Gryffindor the captain is Harry potter, an a mazing seeker who has only ever lost a match because of foul play or evil of another type, on the Ravenclaw team their captain is Andrew Martainson..."_ the voice of Seamus Finnegan floated over the stands and into the distance. Hermione stood alone on the edge of the tallest tower that Hogwarts had, she watched as the faceless figures flew into the sky circling the pitch once before heading to their positions, it was the last match of the year, the Quidditch final, it was nearly certain that Gryffindor would win. After all, Ravenclaw only got in by chance.

The crowds cheered loudly making it sound like thunder to Hermione, it was a constant roar that seemed to come up from the earth itself, but Hermione knew it wasn't real, it couldn't be real, it was just an artificial noise, brought one by crazed fans. She wanted to escape it all, be away from the curious looks, and the constant rules and lectures and memories. Why couldn't she just fly away like Buckbeak, vanish and never be found again. But even as she thought it, she knew it could never happen, she could never just fly away into the sunset, away from the world she knew and hated.

Again like all of the day before her mind filled with thoughts of Draco. Why did he have to leave her standing alone in the cold of the world?

To leave the world to it bitter sweet ending, forget all you've ever know, forget who you ever were, become no body, become the stranger who watches the passers by without a word said to any of them that's all she wanted.

Freedom has so many meanings; some think freedom is to be out in the open, away from the material world, other peoples freedom is to be able to roam alone, without guards and walls. But to Hermione, freedom meant to be a different person, to be away from the things she know, freedom would be to end it all and fly away to a place no one has ever heard of.

_Let all the pain and anger you hold come out of you, that's why I do it, just because I'm so fucking pissed at life I take it out on myself, let me be in control of the pain for a while_ Hermione nodded gently to the wind, 'I understand, all I want is to be in control, but just as I think I'm getting in control, something happens that shouldn't.' Hermione thought bitterly in reply to Draco's explanation from so long ago.

_A lot of things in this world shouldn't happen_ the gently voice and calming words rocked though her body; she remembered Draco's intense stare as he told her that.

'The only one that noticed was the only one that understood' her mind filled with memories of that welcome back feast, her two best friends caused her to re-live the worst time in her life and didn't even notice.

"Hey dad look at me, Think back and talk to me, Did I grow up according to plan, And do you think I'm wasting my time, Doing things I wanna do, But it hurts when you disapprove all along"

Hermione sang softly to herself, it was as though Draco's voice entwined with hers as she remembered how he had sung softly to himself as he walked the halls, his voice had been the same husky low as it always was, a sob escaped her lips and she skipped to the chorus just like Draco had done. She screamed the words sobbing lightly as Draco filled her mind.

"Cuz we lost it all, nothing lasts forever, I'm sorry I can't be perfect, now it's just too late, and we can't go back, I'm sorry I can't be perfect"

Hermione closed her eyes and pictured draco when he had saved her from her rapist, she had never felt so safe before, she had never felt such comfort, even when her parents were alive she had never felt that safe "nothings ever perfect draco, but you made it pretty dam close." She let a small smile creep to her lips before looking back at the Quidditch game, the commentary was drowned out my the steady roar of the crowds. "I wish I was that happy" she muttered to herself before thinking bitterly 'I wish, I fucking wish, what's the point in wishing, its never going to come true,' she laughed softly before raising her hands above her head and screaming as loud as she could. "I wish I could be happy! I wish I was free! I wish I could fly! And I fucking wish I could hold Draco one last time!" she let her hands fall to her side as she glared at her words as though they were written in the air.

She slowly lowered herself down to the edge, and lay on her back staring up at the perfect blue sky, she heard the low roar of the far off crowd, but yet she didn't move, she just continued to lie on her back watching the blue sky for signs of imperfection.

'Draco, to say that name to me eight years ago I would have asked who he was, to say that name to me five years ago I would have nearly burst to tears and scream that to him I was just a mudblood, to say that name to me a year ago I would have asked you "so what?" but to say his name to me now, I would smile and say "he taught me things I've never known" you would look at me strangely and wonder what he could have possibly taught the Gryffindor bookworm, if you were a fool you would ask me, but I would simply answer "he taught me to fly" you will wonder about my answer for a while before storing it in the back of you mind, to rediscover a year later, and once again you would ponder, what on earth I meant by that.

If you asked me what I wanted eight years ago, I would have smiled and said "I want to grow up and become a dentist" if you had asked me what I wanted five years ago, I would have said "I want to learn all I can" if you asked me what I wanted a year ago all I would have answered with was "I want to belong" but if you asked me what I wanted now, I would have looked right though you and said in barely more then a whisper "I want freedom" you would wonder what I mean, and if you were the fool you would ask me, but the only answer that you would receive would be "I want to be nothingness" you would wonder for a while what I meant by that statement, you would come to the conclusion that I shied away from fame and I didn't like all the attention I received for me smarts and achievements, how wrong you are.

If you asked me what I was afraid of eight years ago I would have shuddered and said "bats" if you had asked me what I was afraid of five years ago, I would have shrugged and said "failing" if you had asked me what I was afraid of a year ago, I would have looked away and said "loss" but if you asked me, what I am afraid of now, I would answer, "I'm not afraid of pain, I'm not afraid of death and I'm not afraid of life, because I have felt them all" but then you will wonder, how I could have felt death, if you were a fool you would ask me, but the only answer you will get is "you cannot live when your heart is in a grave" you would think about my answer for a while and store it away with my other answers and then a year would pass and you will be thinking over that answer, and that is when you realise, I never answered you question, I never told you what I fear. You will spend a week trying to find me to get a real answer, but I would have gone, I would finally have disappeared. And you would be left to ponder, what is it that I feared.

Time is such a strange thing, time can change so many things, time can break though an entire cliff, time can kill the strongest of men, and time can make hatred turn to loath, and loath turn to indifference, and then indifference turn to understanding and then understanding turn to love.'

The crowds roaring suddenly stopped and Hermione sat up slowly; the world was the same as it was five minutes ago, except that the roar had changed to a hushed whisper Hermione looked over to the Quidditch pitch and saw two of the black figures speeding towards the ground, one was further in front of the other and was reaching the ground at a phenomenal speed. At the last moment the figure pulled out of the dive and held his arm up into the air, a giant roar filled the sky; the very sound of the screams seemed to close in around Hermione. Eventually she heard the roar of the crowd lesson and there was a cheerful cry from Seamus Finnegan the commentator.

"GRYFFENDOR HAS WON! THE HOUSE CUP GOES TO GRYFFENDOR! THEY WIN! WE WIN!" Hermione didn't smile, she just watched as a huge crowd formed on the pitch welcoming the victors.

Hermione was filled with nothingness, how could she fell happiness for winning the house cup when she didn't feel she belonged to that house, that community, that 'family', she felt nothingness for the fact that Harry won the game again when all she could think about was how he never knew her, when she could read him like a book. Nothing seeped in because she didn't care anymore.

Hermione looked down at the ground below and saw the comforting grass below beckon her. She rose from her seat and stretched her hands to her sides, she closed her eyes and leant forward letting the wind wrap itself around her like a blanket, she heard someone screaming her name, but she remained still letting the ground come closer, the rush of air roared in her ears making the sound of the crowd seem like a whisper, she wanted to laugh out loud at the feeling of this, the feeling of having nothing around you, the feeling of flying.

A moment before she met the earth she felt strong arms wrap themselves around her small body, the arms pulled her up towards the person sitting astride a boom.

"Herm? Herm are you alright? Come on Hermione, wake up" the desperate voice of Harry came to her and she slowly opened her eyes, she looked up at the clear blue sky and noticed the single white cloud hovering above the school, she closed her eyes in defeat.

"Why did you save me Harry? Why didn't you let me be free?" Harry landed softly on the ground and walked quickly towards the school where a crowd of both teachers and students stood. He paused momentarily when he heard her question.

"You've always been free" he said with a hint of confusion in his voice.

Hermione sighed in defeat and let her exhausted body be carried to the hospital wing. 'They say suicide is the ultimate high' she thought to herself before letting herself drift into a light sleep.

Hermione lay motionless in her hospital bed, she stared at the sterile white ceiling and listened to the voices that were on the other side of the curtain that kept her separate from the rest of the patients, she had been like this for nearly three days, watching the shadows dance on the ceiling, nothing interesting happened, often madam Pomfrey would enter her section and she would pretend to be asleep, but late at night Hermione would let the silent tears fall down her face, as she thought of how close she had been to freedom, only to have it taken away at the last minute, she thought of all she lost, and all she had experience as she let the tears run free.

She hadn't slept since she was taken in here, but no one knew she listened to their conversations, no one knew she heard what they said about her.

"_Are you sure this is the right thing to do poppy?"_ the caring and old voice of professor Dumbledore came thought the curtain.

"_Yes, it is professor, who knows what else she is feeling, I saw her with that young Mr Malfoy once, she saw him with slit wrists, the sight must have traumatised her, _

_Besides, you yourself saw the marks on her face, and I can tell you those are not cat scratches, no matter how magical your cat is they are defiantly made by a human. And another thing, I was looked at her arm and I pulled out a couple of shards of mirror, and can you tell me how those got in there, because I know for sure that they and the cuts that are all over her hand and arm didn't appear by magic"_ madam Pomfrey seemed concerned about the girl that lay on the other side of the curtain, and professor Dumbledore was beginning to believe that something was wrong with the head girl that he had always believed to be so strong minded.

"_But do you think it's the right thing, to send her to St. Mungos? I don't believe she is crazy"_ he was talking slowly as though evaluating the chances as he spoke.

"_She isn't crazy, she just needs some help"_ slowly the curtain was pulled back and two figures looked at the seemingly sleeping figure in the bed.

"_It's a terrible thing, she worked so hard to have the highest marks and she tried so hard to succeed, and she wont even be able to go to her own graduation"_ madam Pomfrey nodded wiping a tear away from her eyes. She breathed in deeply before going back into her office to write a letter to a healer who worked in the psychiatric ward of St. Mungos.

Hermione lay still listening to the goings on of the hospital wing, until the early hours of the morning when she was 'woken' by madam Pomfrey, before being taken away from Hogwarts with healers who thought they new how she felt.

**A/N** I'm not so happy with this chapter, it's alright but not perfect, I have some doubts. But Wow, last chapter besides the epilogue, all the UN answered questions will hopefully be answered in the next chapter. I hope you liked it, this chapter was mostly just her thoughts but it does have a couple of important point in it.

Well thanks my reviewers, you're all wonderful...

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**toopol-** because that's the way I write because I understand it

**Brianna-** the only reason why I keep 'repeating myself' is because sometimes when your depressed you cant just move forward, your plagued with memories of the past and its not just a matter of getting on with the story, you have to feel the pain of having these things continually come back to you, you cant put it behind yourself because to an extent its all you know.

**maybeitsme15-** the thing at the start of the last chapter was a poem by me


	23. Epilogue

_Salt in your wounds_

**Disclaimer:** for the final time this story I will say this... I don't own Harry potter, or any of the characters used, if I did, I'd be rich :D but since I don't, I'm not and fan fiction will have to do..

I also don't own the song she sung at the end of the story, it is... **"Okay I believe you but my Tommy gun don't"** and its by _'brand new'_

**CHAPTER**

Epilogue

Hermione sat on the edge of her cot, the harsh grey blanket was rough against her legs. And the flimsy grey dress she was made to wear wasn't for the purpose of keeping her warm, but for the mere job of keeping her covered.  
Her room was made of stone and was painted a spotless white; it was kept warm by charms and spells, so it was the ideal temperature all year round.  
The only other piece of furniture in the room besides the bolted down cot in the middle of the floor was a toilet and basin, concealed behind a light curtain in the corner of the room.  
Opposite her bed was a mirror that covered the top half of the wall, some would say the necessity of a mirror in a mental patients room wasn't very high, but to the smartest witch that Hogwarts had the honour of schooling knew that the mirror wasn't there to let her see herself but for the soul purpose of keeping her watchers hidden, it was like the bars in the zoo, it was what kept her from the outside world.  
All Hermione ever wanted was to be free, but she was just put in a cage like an animal.

At night when the clutter and noise had stopped outside her room she could hear the low murmur of the Medi witches voices on the other side of the wall, it was deep rhythmic noise that seemed to grow louder as the night wore on and in the end it would fill her head like a jack hammer.  
The only other voices she heard were that of the overly cheerful Medi witch that would come in a couple of times a day and give her some food before placing charms and spells all over her "to make you all better again". Didn't she realise that Hermione wasn't sick? Didn't she realise there was nothing wrong with her except that she understood a whole lot more then anyone else?  
The other voice she heard was that of an old wizard, he would come by the ward most days and offer Hermione books from his cart. Each time she would ask if he had 'Hogwarts: a history' and each time he would smile and shake his head.

At the start he had always offered her other books, but they were always about smiling, happy people who go to the beach, on bright sunny days.  
Each time he would come by she would give him a hopeful look, but each time he would smile sadly at her and shake his head.  
After the first month of her being admitted into the hospital the old man would stay longer and they would talk as though they were old friends, about all the books they've read and the places they'd been. And for those five minutes Hermione felt normal again, she felt like she was back in the outside world, sitting under a tall tree in a park talking about all the things she loved.  
But that would all be shattered when the Medi witch came in giving the wizard a stern look before going about her duties, and he would smile guiltily and leave giving Hermione a sly wink as he closed the door.

At night in the stone room, you're left with nothing. There are no distractions and all you have to entertain yourself with is your own thoughts. _'If you weren't mad when you came in, you'd defiantly end up like that.'_ the book man once said when he asked her what it was like in here, all Hermione did was smile and nod.  
But for Hermione, her thoughts are where she belonged; the real world had hurt her too often for her to find comfort there.  
The quiet is the most dangerous thing in the world; thoughts of Draco, her parents, even tom Shillington riddled her mind, and once again Hermione couldn't sleep without those terrible memories coming back to her. That fear and that pain were the only things that filled her.  
She had tried not to sleep but images of Draco's beautiful body mangled and bruised filled her mind whenever she closed her eyes, even for a second.  
Inside her, she was breaking; she was a broken soul that had no welcome thoughts, no biting wit, just a shell of what she once was. A shell that in time will break and she will be nothing, a meaningless figure that has useless spells and charm thrown at her to try and help, but never doing a thing.  
Soon the old mans visits stopped and Hermione was left once again. The silence and the absent presence soon brought her to breaking point.

The cheerful voice of the Medi witch filled the room, but Hermione didn't move, her food was placed on the bed next to her but Hermione didn't reach for it. The witch simply continued with her work, and Hermione watched her thought the mirror. But finally Hermione's curiosity got the better of her and her voice echoed off the walls.  
"Where is the old man? The one that brought the books around" the witch looked up from the bed covers and looked directly at Hermione, wondering if she had spoken or if she had just imagined it. Hermione raised an eyebrow expectantly but didn't smile; the nurse plastered a large toothy smile on her face before going back to work.  
"I'm sorry dear but he died, he was rather old after all," Hermione nodded and went back to staring at the mirror, willing it to disappear and reveal the people behind it.  
She heard some spells being muttered, some she knew, the others she'd read about, but still she remained lifeless, almost as though she was dead herself.  
The sound of retreating footsteps that were followed by a small shriek brought her out of her trance. Footsteps came towards her and her view was soon destroyed by the Medi witch standing in front of her.  
Hermione looked up and smiled a true smile, the first for so long. On the Medi witches face the words as clear as day "give it to her" were written in large red boils. Hermione herself had used a variation of this spell in fifth year. The witch however did not look amused and for the first time she didn't have a large fake smile on her face.  
"The old man left you this" she said briskly before turning and storming away to go and get her face cleared.  
Hermione looked down at the heavy book in her hands; she smiled once more as she read the title to herself.  
"Hogwarts: a history" she opened the cover and saw on the title page a small note written in neat scratchy handwriting.

"_I'm sorry I couldn't give this to you in person. But I did say I would get you this book and I am a man of my word. I still don't share your views that this is the best book ever written but I respect your claim. I hope this will keep you entertained and kept from madness in the long nights. Remember that your passion for the written word is real, and never lose that. Safety can be found in the smallest of things._

_Yours sincerely  
__The bookman." _

Hermione looked sadly at the small note, 'another one gone' she thought to herself, the only person in this place that understood some aspect of her was gone. Hermione placed the large book under her pillow before lying down and falling into her first dreamless sleep, since the night with draco.

The foyer of St. Mungos was crowded with all sorts of people, as Harry entered the foyer, a knot in his stomach clenched as he realised he was actually going to see her, it had been nearly three months since he last saw his best friend, three months since she jumped from the astronomy tower into his arms. He heaved a heavy sigh and walked towards the front desk, the witch greeted him with a flirtatious smile he gave her a cool half smile in reply, "how do I get to the psychiatric ward, I'm a visitor and its my first time I've had to go there" the witch nodded and showed him directions on a magical map, Harry nodded his thanks and walked down the corridors each step bringing him closer to Hermione.

Harry breathed in deeply trying to rid himself of the voice at the back of his mind screaming 'go back, turn away!' he closed his eyes briefly before looking down at the number scribbled on his hand. "Room 309" he whispered he looked back down the seemingly endless corridor, "come on Harry, you can do this" he said to himself thinking 'well I'm in the right place to start talking to myself' slowly his feet started taking him down the long corridor, at each door Harry would look at the name on a small plastic name tag and number, "room 307, Room 308 and..." Harry stood in front of the white door; it had no window like some of the others did, the only thing on the pure white door was the number, and under that, the name of the patient.

Harry swallowed hard, it was like it had all suddenly became real, "and room 309, Hermione granger" Harry slowly traced her name, and he remembered his strong willed friend from school, the same girl that did the research for all his adventures, and helped him pass all those years of Hogwarts.  
The door opened and Harry looked up into the eyes of one of the many Medi witches.  
"Mr. Potter?" Harry nodded numbly, 'what could he say?' "Follow me please" once again he nodded and followed the nurse into a dark room.

On one wall was a large window looking into Hermione's room, she was staring intently at the window, she didn't smile, her face was empty, it was like she wasn't entirely there, and she had lost weight and was paler then usual.  
"Can she see us?" Harry whispered cautiously, the witches shook their heads and let Harry step closer to the glass. His friend of seven years stared back at him, but no, she wasn't looking at him, she wasn't looking at anything anybody else could see. "Can I go in to see her?" The Medi witches looked at each other before nodding slowly in reply.  
The eldest witch lead him though the dark room into another, this one was painted white and was empty except for a door, the witch gestured to the door.  
"We will be right on the other side of the glass, we will come in if you need anything or if she-" she cut herself off and smiled opening the door for him, not finishing her sentence.

Inside the room there was nothing special, the only thing that seemed of any interest was the small girl sitting on the edge of the bed. When the door closed she didn't move, she just continued to stare at the mirror, Harry walked slowly around so he was facing her, she had a vacant stare and didn't seem to notice his arrival, slowly he bent down so his face was level with hers. Hermione shifted her gaze so she was looking intently into Harry's eyes, he immediately regretted his position and he quickly glanced over her shoulder, just to look away from those chocolate brown eyes that belonged to his friend not this stranger that sat before him.  
His sudden action amused Hermione and she let the tiniest of smiles form on her face.  
"So... err, herm. How have you been?" Hermione surveyed the room around her, then looked back at Harry directly in his eye but never saying a thing. "Well I guess the accommodations not the best"  
No answer  
"I was really sorry you couldn't come to the graduation, it wasn't the same without you"  
No answer  
"I was hoping they'd let you come, but they didn't think it was a good idea" still there was no answer, Harry relaxed a bit, if he continued like this she would eventually break down. "So I guess you haven't heard, Ron's getting married" he paused "err, to Pavarti, I guess she was serious, unlike lavender" a hint of bitterness flared in his eyes, catching the attention of Hermione.  
"Merlin Harry, it's been three months. Get over it, after all that's one month longer then you expected me to get over my parents _death_" she stressed the last word. Harry shifted uncomfortably. A moment passed in silence, Harry sat looking around the room trying to think of something to say, when finally the question that had been itching away at him finally broke though and he couldn't stop himself from asking.  
"Why'd you do it Hermione?" Hermione looked back into his eyes.  
"Why does anybody do anything?" Harry felt all the self consciousnesses disappear and was replaced with old comfort, after all this was just Hermione.  
"That's not an answer, why'd you do it? You nearly-" Harry stopped talking, Hermione leaned forward so she was close to Harry's face  
"Died? I nearly died? Come on Harry, you're a big boy, you can say the 'D' word." All the bitterness she felt towards him came out, he seemed to sense this but didn't back down.  
"FINE! You could have _died_ Hermione you could have _died_! Happy? Why Hermione? Why?" Hermione leaned back and stared intently at him.  
"That was sort of the point. To die. To end it" bitterness ran though her voice and sent a chill down Harry and the watching Medi witches spins.  
"Hermione, you were happy, what made you want to do it?" Hermione closed her eyes and rolled her head back so she was facing the ceiling.  
"life Harry, life" a small smile appeared on her face as she thought about draco and his drawings, about the time they spent together, that was living, but life can ruin so many things.  
"Life? Bloody hell Hermione maybe you are mad, I always defended you at school when people said you were mad, but now I'm beginning to think I was wrong" Harry stood up and moved towards the door when a small voice broke though his mind. He turned and faced the source.  
"It hurts doesn't it Harry? The fact that you can't save every one. You try so hard to save the world but maybe you should just take more notice of the people around you once in a while, you could have saved me Harry _then_ move onto the hundreds strangers that you keep trying to save." Harry looked in shock at the girl sitting in front of him.  
"I'm not trying to save the world Hermione" Hermione just nodded mutely, but a flicker of anger was in her eyes.  
"You think it's your responsibility to defeat Voldemort but its not, your not alone, your never alone. You save so many people but you don't think of saving your friends. We're not all prophesised about like you Harry, some of us do get hurt by things." Harry kneeled down in front of her and placed a reassuring hand on her knee.  
"If you had asked me to help I would have" Hermione brushed his hand off and looked away from his emerald eyes.  
"Would you have listened?" Harry looked down at his hand that had been flicked away.  
"Of course I would have listened! I'm your best friend I would have listened; you didn't have to go behind my back and fraternise with my enemy. And yours" Hermione rolled her eyes and looked back at the boy sitting in front of her, that's all she saw him as, a boy who plays like a grown up.  
"I wasn't fraternising with him. We talked we were friends and he understood what I was going though, unlike you Harry we don't all have the most powerful wizard Dumbledore watching out backs." Harry stood up quickly as though his anger was burning holes in his knees.  
"Understand? He couldn't understand a muggle if he tried! The closest he ever got to one was blowing their brains away!" Hermione also stood, she wasn't as tall as him but she couldn't just sit there and let him insult Draco.  
"He wasn't like that! He had spent the summer with muggles and neither of them died by his hand" Harry let out a laugh.  
"Yeah that's his story, how do you know it's the truth?" Hermione looked coldly up into the eyes of the boy her once considered her closest friend.  
"Because I've seen the scars, I've seen the pain he went though. He understood me and he was helping me deal, but his bastard father killed him before we could run away" Hermione choked back a lump in her throat, not letting herself cry. Harry quickly looked away from the steel stare that Hermione had. He glared at the wall angrily as though it was entirely its fault.  
"You weren't dealing?! You were fucking your enemy and then jumped off a tower. That's not dealing Hermione that's suicide" Hermione let out a laugh before sitting down.  
"Would you have preferred I took up drinking? Maybe drugs? Not everything is about good and bad, not everything is about life and death, sometimes what is life seems like death and what is wrong is enviably right." Harry ran his fingers though his hair roughly before looking down at his crazy friend.  
"That doesn't make sense! What's right is right and what's wrong is wrong! Its as simple as that!" Hermione rolled her eyes and glared up at Harry.  
"Not everything is so bloody black and white; there are thousands of shades or grey in between." She paused for a moment to let the words sink in, before asking her own question "Have you ever wondered why people cut themselves?" Harry let at a snort of laughter before kneeling down and looking at her. 'I might as well play along' ran though his mind.  
"No. enlighten me" Hermione leaned forward so she was an inch away.  
"They do it because it hurts, but its not the same as simply spraining your ankle or getting a bruise, this pain isn't from the outside world, its from within, you are in control and you could make it stop if you so wanted. Pain from the outside world wont just leave scars on the outside, it leaves them on the inside as well, but when you cut yourself, your setting them free, your slowly cutting away those painful scars on the inside." Harry looked at her in silence for a moment before standing up.  
"There's a difference between jumping from the tallest tower and giving yourself a couple of scars." Hermione looked intently at Harry, moments passed in silence but neither moved; soon Hermione broke the silence and filled the room with her whisper.  
"Have you ever been depressed Harry?" Harry looked at her and smiled.  
"Sure, everyone has but they don't jump of a building" Hermione rolled her eyes again.  
"I don't mean depressed like your broom got mulched by the womping willow, I mean depressed were you don't care wether you live or die, were you don't care what happened to you because the sad thing is you've experienced worst, no matter where you go you still hurt, it doesn't matter who you surround yourself with it still hurts, no matter how much you've laughed that day you still cry yourself to sleep every night" Harry looked at her, and for the first time wondered what she had been though.  
"No, I haven't" he said in barely more then a whisper. Hermione smiled, it wasn't fake, and it wasn't real and full of emotion, it was heartless like she didn't care.  
"well I have, and even now I still feel it, no matter how many half-ass spells you throw at me it isn't getting better" Harry placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder.  
"It is helping, just give it time." Hermione shrugged off his hand and glared, she shouted loud enough for the people in the adjoined room to hear.  
"I DON'T WANT TO BE HERE HARRY! I don't want to 'get better' you stopped me from getting the one thing I wanted and now you come here telling me that all this shit is what I need? I don't want this Harry; I was dealing fine on my own!" Harry let his anger surface and he shouted back.  
"That wasn't dealing! Throwing yourself off a tower isn't dealing that's killing yourself" Hermione lay down on the bed; she stared up at the ceiling as Harry stared down at her.  
"Maybe death is dealing, maybe death was my freedom" Harry stepped closer and looked at the fragile body on the bed.  
"Freedom from what?" he whispered afraid that she would break. She didn't move but said quietly.  
"Freedom from the pain, freedom from hate, freedom from life" Harry nodded and sat down on the edge of her bed.  
  
"Have you ever heard the story of the stone maiden?" Harry looked up from inspecting his nails and stared at her.  
"Umm... no, I haven't" Hermione smile and looked back at the ceiling as though it was a book she was reading aloud.  
"A long time ago in a small town near the beach, a young woman fell madly in love with a soldier, her parents and her friends told her it wasn't wise to love a soldier, but she didn't listen to them, all she listened to was her heart. The two lovers fell deeper in love with each other with each passing day. Until one day, a message came for her soldier telling him he would have to go into battle, he promised his lover that he would return to her no matter what and in return she promised him she would always wait for his return. And she did. She stood on the cliff facing out to sea, she watched as the boats took her love away from her.  
She continued to wait; she stood on the same place, waiting for her lover to return. Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months, months turned into years, and she continued to wait.  
Soon the war ended and the boats returned, but her soldier didn't. And yet she continued to wait. A friend of her soldier told her he died in battle, but she waved him away and continued to wait, and there she remained looking out over the ocean waiting for her soldier to return." Harry watched Hermione as she told the story, finally he whispered.  
"That's sad" Hermione looked at him and whispered in reply as though the very thought of the story made her stop breathing.  
"It's not really, think about it, it doesn't have to be sad, it's romantic and strangely happy" Harry looked at her sceptically.  
"How is that?" a small smile tugged at Hermione's lips as she thought of the same conversations being had between herself and Draco,  
"Because she never stopped waiting, she didn't just run off with the next man dressed in a uniform, she waited for her lover." Harry shrugged and said easily  
"I still think it's sad" Hermione sighed and went back to looking up at the ceiling.

After five minutes of silence Harry stood up and slowly walked towards the door he said loud enough for only her to hear. "It's not too late to start saving you." A small laugh came from the bed, followed by a small voice.  
"It is too late, to the world I'm already dead," Harry closed his eyes briefly before leaving he whispered mostly to himself as he opened the door,  
"don't turn to stone" he laughed lightly to himself and as he was closing the door, a song washed over him, he turned around and saw Hermione laying down on her back singing the words to a song he had never heard before.

"I'm heaven sent  
don't you dare forget  
I am the cause to all your problems  
shelter from cold  
we're never alone  
coordinated mouth  
then ask me what its like to have my self so figured out  
wish I knew  
  
I hope this song starts a craze  
the kinda song that ignites the airways  
the kinda song that makes people glad to be where they are  
with whom ever they're there with  
this is war  
every line is about who I don't wanna write about anymore  
hope you come down with something they can diagnose  
don't have the cure for

holding on to your grudge  
oh its so hard to have someone to love  
and keeping quiet is hard  
cause you cant keep a secret  
if it was never was a secret to start  
  
we're concentrating on fallen apart  
we were contenders

now thrown in a fight  
I just wanna believe

I just wanna believe  
I just wanna believe in us  
  
we are entirely smooth  
we are the best at what we do  
the means to the words  
the good time of the beat  
this is the price you pay for lost of control  
this is the breaking of man  
this is closest we've called  
this is the reason your in love  
this is the world we live in"

Harry closed the door and let it block out the sound of the song, blocking out the sound of Hermione, letting it locking away his friend.

**A/N** well... there was a lot more I wanted to put into it, but I couldn't, so that would have to do. Sorry it took so long it was hard to write I hope I did an alright job.

Thank you to all the people who have reviewed it made is so much easier to write. The fact that so many of you had followed it from the start is totally awesome so thank you all. I would write down all my reviewers for my last chapter like I usually do but since it my last on I'm not going to, just envision me thanking you. I will answer some questions if they have been asked.

I haven't got anything planned for my next story, so you might all have to wait for another twisted story from me.

**phoenix-tear-11-** people believe she's crazy because of what she did, and yeah the drawing that draco did was on her stomach.

**DarkRaven-04-** the song was 'perfect' by simple plan.

**Kristina-** sometimes the thing that hurts the most is realising that the world isn't innocent, and that things happen that we cant control, like always being perceived as perfect, no ones perfect and people who think they are have some serious issues. I'm glad my story showed you the truth.

**ObSsEsSeD**- nothing is ever perfect, I couldn't have her die and have all those questions un answered and not have Harry's perspective even a little in it. Trust me I would have preferred to let her die but I couldn't because things always happen to destroy the simplest f things. And I sent her to St. Mungos because its logical, if you jump from a building and survive by any reason why will worry about your mental stability and sent you to a place like St. Mungos.

**SuperWoman13-** sometimes it's good to see the world through another's eyes, and if I could I would look at it though every human's eyes on this planet. Your right, some people wait their whole life for something to happen, for a person to come along, or for understanding, or for true enlightenment, but those things don't fall from the sky, and you should waste your life waiting and waiting, because you will never experience anything and you would have wasted your life, and as far as I know, you only ever get one of them.

In some way I'm glad that this story can make people who haven't experienced these things think about it, see it thought others eyes, and maybe if you find someone who has this pain you wont be like Harry and you will give them understanding and a warm place to find peace.

**Pleure- **to tell me my work is amazing would make no difference; it is just another word, another phrase.  
To tell me that you feel the same way, I would know what you mean.But to tell me you wear the mask every day silently hoping people will realise your pain, I would smile in a way that showed the world my own pain, I would say, that everyone wears a mask of some sort, a mask is always part of our face, no matter who you are. But your right it would make me wonder, wonder what my work really is, Is it my way of showing the blind people that things aren't always so good? Is it my way of showing people like yourself that you're not alone? Or is it my portrayal of how the world is?


	24. The Last Encore

**Salt in your wounds**

**Disclaimer-** JK Rowling owns all characters and everything besides the story line. And the song sung at the end, "lets go" is owned and sung by 'FrouFrou'.

_Final Epilogue_

Ten years later…

Hermione granger lay on her back looking up at the ceiling; she stared unblinkingly not caring that it made her eyes water and flashes of lights appear before her eyes against the backdrop of the white ceiling. She often did this; it was a game she had learnt from her ten years incarceration in the wizarding hospital.

She would make stories using the things she saw flash before her eyes as she lay unblinking on top of her bed.

A story about a young prince who was captured and placed in a tower, amidst a valley of thorn covered vines was one of her favourites, she often when back to that one and remembered the story she had made about two years after she was institutionalized, _The prince would stand on the top of the tower and watch as the thick vines weaving their way together, entwining themselves into what seemed like a unmovable mass. Once or twice the prince had tried to cut his way thought the mass, or find a way to get though, but each attempt ended up with him cut and battered from his attempts. So the prince decided he would watch, and he did. He stayed watching the quivering mass of thorns and vines slowly grow; and after long years of watching he saw the smallest of paths begin to form in the vines; and though that he escaped into the other world away from the hell that he had lived for all his life_.

For some reason this story reminded her of Draco, he had watched his whole life, looking for a way to escape, and finally after years of waiting he got his freedom, even though he didn't know what was outside the world he knew.

Stories like these littered Hermione's mind; it was what kept her sane in the long hours. Her copy of 'Hogwarts a history' still lay under her pillow, bringing dreams of her time there and the hidden rooms that had yet to be found.

Clattering noises and footsteps passed though the walls and into her room, giving her little connection to the outside world, besides the often mundane nurses visits.

The nurses had been acting strange lately, they all seemed to be looking closely at her, when usually they would chatter away keeping up the constant stream of useless banter going, but lately, they have been quieter looking closely to see if there was something written in her eyes or on her face that was just that little bit too much smudged.

But Hermione pretended she didn't notice it was easier that way, if you don't give them a reason to question you; you give them no reason to sedate you.

That was always the worst, the calming spells that they would place on you, it didn't really work, it was more like you had been placed in a tub of thick honey, and it was almost unbearable at times.

"You have a visitor." Her latest nurse stated as she entered the room; Hermione didn't look down from the ceiling. But nodded her head and replied quietly and politely like she had learnt was best over the years.

"Thank you." Hermione rarely ever got visitors, her friends couldn't bare to see her like this, her parents were dead; there was no one left to care.

Minutes passed and the nurse left, satisfied that Hermione was fine and wasn't going to do anything crazy.

About half an hour later, Hermione heard the door open again; it wasn't time for the nurse to come back, so it must be her mystery guest.

"Why hello young Hermione, you're looking good." Hermione closed her eyes and almost laughed, of course it would be Dumbledore, who else would come and see her? Except the man that sent her here in the first place.

"You too Dumbledore" Hermione replied still not looking towards the man, choosing instead to continue staring aimlessly at the ceiling. Dumbledore chuckled and sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Now how would you know that Ms Granger, you haven't even looked at me yet." Hermione smirked, much like Draco used to do.

"I guess I'm just smart. So why don't we please cut the pleasantries and you tell me why you're here." Dumbledore sighed but nodded whilst taking out a sherbet lemon and popping it in his mouth.

"I've come to take you home." For the first time that day Hermione looked away from the ceiling and sneered.

"Home? I haven't got a home." Dumbledore stayed silent for a moment before replying.

"You're to stay with Harry and his wife for the time being until we can find you a place of your own." Dumbledore seemed satisfied with his answer and stood up preparing to leave.

Twenty minutes later Hermione stood outside St Mungo's shielding her eyes from the harsh sunlight. It has been so long since she had been outside without the nurses and doctors smothering her, afraid she would do something drastic.

It was strange to be out, she could run away right now and no one would ever find her. But where would she run? Home? She had no home. Home was supposed to be where the heart was, so why is it that her home has been buried for ten years?

She couldn't go to Hogwarts, the place that had been her sanctuary for so many years, was now nothing but a memory that belonged in her past.

_The past was to be forgotten._ Hermione had heard that somewhere, she couldn't remember where. She assumed it was from one of the many books she had read.

Hermione stood clutching the now worn book of 'Hogwarts: a history'; it held so many memories, of the earlier years of Hogwarts, and the later ones. Everything this book was, was what had tied her to the outside world, proved that it was real and that she hadn't just dreamt it up- that Draco had existed and that he had loved her.

"Come Ms Granger, we are going to Hogwarts, Harry and Ron will pick you up tomorrow." Hermione wanted to laugh, 'just like old times right?' did they expect to come and pick her up and she'll be the same Hermione Granger that they knew and loved? Did they think it would be 'best friends forever' and all that shit again?

The irony was nearly killing her, of all places to go, take me back to the one place where I lost my last shred of hope. But instead she just nodded and followed Dumbledore to the portkey.

Hogwarts. It was the oldest –if not the best- Wizarding School around, and she hated it. It wasn't easy to hate something that for so long was the only thing she really loved.

It looked exactly the same; the same portraits lined the ancient walls, the same stairs that moved at any given time. It was exactly like it was all those years ago. Except the small statue that stood out the front of the great hall, with all the names of the people who perished during the war. That was one thing Hermione was glad she missed.

Hermione wandered the corridors, smiling at the portraits and remembering times that she once wandered these corridors with her two best friends-without a care in the world.

Almost without think she found herself standing at the door to the highest balcony of the tallest tower. And for a moment, just one moment she let herself believe that Draco would be on the other side, standing tall near the edge, watching the sky move about its business, she let herself believe that Draco would turn towards her and a simple light comment of how this was becoming a habit was all that was said.

They would stand silently together watching the world, listening to the distant sounds of laughter and happiness and wouldn't say a word, until she would ask something-anything; would ask about hate, pain, life. and Draco would always answer. He answered questions no one had ever thought of before, answered questions that nobody else could understand. Then they would stand in silence and watch the sky.

As the door creaked open Hermione's breath caught in her throat for a second- a figure, a person, a man-standing on the edge of the balcony leaning on the edge looking at the sky. Then his black hair caught the light a slight hope appeared- pure black hair that made ravens look dull was how Draco's always was; but then his robe moved harshly in the wind.

Draco's robes always flowed, like they were made of the softest materials, like they were made from fairies wings. The door slammed shut behind her and the figure jumped from the noise looking towards the intruder.

Harry Potter stood before her, a look of shock and surprise with an underlining hint of anticipation.

"Hermione! You're here already." His voice was old; he wasn't the same boy that had hugged her before she was portkeyed away ten years ago. He was now a man that had seen one of the most gruesome things known to man-war.

They stood in silence and Harry watched Hermione intently, seeing how she had changed over the years that they had been away from each other. "It's good to see you Hermione." He stated and Hermione nodded before walking forward to stand next to him on the ledge. Harry shifted uncomfortably and wanted to reach out to her to make sure she didn't jump. He knew it was stupid but he couldn't help it.

The two were silence for a while until Hermione broke it with the question that had been plaguing her for all those years.

"Why'd you do it Harry? Why did you save me?" Harry swallowed hard and continued to look directly ahead, he had been expecting this, although he hated to admit that he still wasn't quite prepared.

"I thought it was saving you, I thought I was doing the right thing." Hermione nodded, she had already known this. But maybe she was hoping for a different reason. "I thought that I could undo it all and you would be the same Hermione again." Harry whispered looking down to the ground below. "I though it was all a lie- that Draco didn't really reach a part of you I never knew existed. I just didn't want to think that there was anything wrong with you- because I was selfish and was scared about what I had to do, so I thought that if you were the same Hermione and we could all go back to being 12 then everything would be alright and you and Ron would stand beside me and we would win." Hermione closed her eyes. She had heard what she had wanted to hear.

"But that could never be Harry. I was hurting and Draco was the only one that knew how to stop the pain and make it go away." Harry nodded slowly remembering the pain he had felt after the war- pain that he still feels now. The sleepless nights tossing and turning –waking up in a cold sweat. The pain that filled his body to remember things-things nobody else saw.

"I understand. But I didn't back then- I thought I was the only one who knew how to hurt." They continued to stand in silence and they let his words sink in. "I now know what I did- I stopped your freedom, I made you stay in a place that you hated because I thought it was something you could grow out of. I took you away from the person that you love." Hermione nodded and moved to stand on the ledge.

"Do you know Harry, what it's like you fly?" Harry stared up at her, her arms wide and the wind blowing strongly against her. He shook his head and whispered 'no'. Hermione closed her eyes and smiled her first smile for so long. "It's the most amazing feeling in the world. Nothing but air around you, and no thought going though your brain. It's so painful, but so right all at the same time. It's like a million happy moments all brought into one. The air screams in your ears drowning out everything else. And for that moment there is no pain. There is no fear. There is no past. And there is only freedom." Harry closed his eyes and smiled into the wind that blew on his face.

"It sounds nice." He stated imaging what it could possibly be like.

"It is." Was the whispered reply.

Time seemed to disappear for the two who stood on the tower. Silence had enveloped them after Hermione's explanation, but thoughts wizzed thought both their minds. And a single question seemed to constantly reappear in Harry's mind.

"How could you do it when you don't know what you would find when you get there?" there were gaps in the question but both knew what he was talking about. "What did you think it would be like?" Hermione smiled thinking of conversations much the same with Draco.

"Nobody knows what it's like Harry. But I think-" she paused for a moment to look at the sky though closed lids. "-I think its freedom, all the people you love and who love you back are there, there is no hate or fear, and you are alone with the people you love- draco will be there, he will wait. He'll smile when he sees me, and nothing will matter, because there will be no past and there will be no memory of what we both knew." Her voice broke slightly at the end but no tears fell. Harry nodded and smiled slightly happy that she trusted him enough to tell him this. Hermione swallowed her tears and looked down at Harry. "Hey Harry, what would happen if I jumped?" Harry looked up shocked and stared with wide eyes at her.

"I don't know." Harry stated looking at her scared '_Your death would make people wonder, make them wonder what made the perfect Gryffindor head girl jump'_ such different answers. Hermione thought bitterly.

"How long would it take for them to find me?" Hermione enquired again. Harry was starting to look really scared, but tried to act calm.

"As soon as I tell them what happened." He stated shakily _'As long as it takes for them to notice your absence,'_ Hermione nodded to both answers. A moment passed before Hermione spoke again.

"To jump from the tallest tower to escape the evil that dwells in the world, seems like something that you'd read in a fairytale, sick and twisted like they are." She recited; Draco's voice ran though hers, making it strong and dominating, it seemed to drown out the roar of the wind; and stain Harry's ears, ringing over and over again until he wanted to scream, and then the bitter truth behind the statement hit him –_he_ had said this, Draco had comforted her with these whispered words of understanding he comforted her by answering these questions. "What would you do if I jump?" Hermione asked quietly, and Harry had to wonder what it was that Draco had said to this. But Harry didn't know, he stayed silent for a moment pondering the question.

"I'd let you fly." He stated finally _'I'd join you in the sky'_ echoed in Hermione's mind.

Harry Potters house was very neat and clean, it was modern and seemed completely dependant on magic, Hermione smirked at this thought- after a childhood like Harry's no wonder it's such a relief to be able to do magic at will. Hermione was staying in the guest room of the double story home. The room was painted in lavenders and pinks.

The colours seemed so vivid compared to the white she had lived in for so long. Harry's wife, nodded and smiled and shook hands being extra polite; but Hermione could see the strain it was having on her-she didn't want this suicidal freak in her lovely clean house.

Hermione had been beginning to feel sick and dizzy when the clock struck four- it was time for her usual dose of spells and enchantments to be placed over her, she felt strange not having to have someone perform these on her. But she labelled her dizziness and pain with 'all the excitement of being back' but deep down she knew that wasn't the reason.

So she went to bed early-straight after dinner where she hardly touched a thing she hugged Harry goodnight and smiled and said goodnight politely to his wife and hugged Harry's daughter quickly. And as she lay in bed she tried to ignore the way the room span and her eyes hurt to move.

It was nearly midnight when Harry walked down the hallway passed Hermione's room on his way to bed; he heard a small gasping noise coming from behind her closed door.

Curiosity got the better of him and he entered the room, to find an out of breath Hermione laying on her back barely moving, her breath was becoming short as though she couldn't get enough air to fill her longs, and a sweat was breaking out on her forehead. At the sound of the door opening she turned her head and groaned painfully as the world span again.

"Hermione what's the matter?" Harry asked rushing over to his friend placing a hand on her forehead and feeling he fever. "I'm going to call the medi-witch." He said and he made a move to get up, he was stopped by a cold hand holding his arm, he turned back around and saw Hermione staring up at him.

"Please Harry, don't. You promised me you'd let me fly." She said between gasps for air, Harry looked down at her and tried to hold back his tears. He didn't know what was happening, why this was happening to her.

"But your sick Hermione, you need a doctor." Hermione smiled lazily, trying to keep looking at Harry.

"I'm just as sick as I have been for the past ten years. But now I just don't have those awful spells keeping me well." She laughed lightly still smiling at her dear friend. Her smile vanished quickly and she stared into Harry's emerald eyes. And for a moment Harry thought she saw a spark of the old Hermione still inside. "Please Harry, I need it to end." Harry looked horror stricken and stared right back into chocolate brown eyes, that once seemed so warm. "you have another life now Harry, you love a woman that saw the war with you, you have a family that loves you unconditionally; forget about the war and the things you saw, forget about the pain that you once felt. The past is the past and is meant to stay there. No matter what, I can never be like that; I can never find another life. I'm tired of waiting for my soldier to return, and all I want is to see him again. Life is only ever as good as you let it be." Harry tried to blink back the tears that were now brimming in his eyes.

"Since when did you get so wise?" he croaked out staring at the smiling girl, so pale before him.

"I've seen so many things, and I had a man that was wise beyond his years teach me." Harry nodded, knowing what she meant.

"Sing me one last song?" he whispered. Hermione smiled and reached her hand to clasp his. Before nodding slowly and closing her eyes as she rested her head on the soft pillow.

"_Drink up, baby down  
mmm, are you in or are you out  
leave your things behind  
'cause it's all going off without you  
excuse me, too busy you're writing your tragedy  
these mishaps  
you bubble wrap  
when you've no idea what you're like"_

Hermione closed her eyes and let the darkness of her mind set in, she felt Harry's warmth though her hand as he voice travelled though the silent room.  
_"so let go, jump in  
oh well, whatcha waiting for  
it's alright  
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown  
so let go, just get in  
oh, it's so amazing here  
it's alright  
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown"  
_Hermione wondered briefly what people will say, one day out of hospital and already her body is too weak to continue, her body was hit with wave after wave of pain again, but like all those times it seemed dulled by the words of a song.  
_"It gains the more it gives  
and then it rises with the fall  
so hand me that remote  
can't you see that all that stuff's a sideshow"  
_whirling memories of other times, other places filled her mind. The painful memories of the summer that changed her so much and the memories of smiling happy days of sun filled smiles and childish banter, echoed with the heart-warming laughter of a child who has nothing to fear.

"_such boundless pleasure  
we've no time for later now  
you can't await your own arrival  
you've 20 seconds to comply"  
_her voice began to fade and she her breath was becoming thin, her heart beat wildly in her chest as though it was fighting against the slow loss of air.  
_"So let go, jump in  
oh well, whatcha waiting for  
it's alright"_

She tried to breath but it was becoming so hard she felt Harry's grip become tighter as though he was trying to hold her into this world.  
_"'cause there's beauty in the breakdown  
so let go, just get in  
oh, it's so amazing here  
it's alright  
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown…"_ her final breath was taken as Harry stared down at the now lifeless figure that was once his best friend.

At first he though it just might be his tears, but then he wiped them away and he noticed it was real; Hermione lay motionless on the bed, with a small smiled lighting up her face.

**A/N** there it is, the final ever chapter for 'salt in your wounds', I decided to take pity on everyone and give you all what you were wishing for, so after I got about fifty emails telling me I have to write 'just one more chapter'. I thought about it and got a little inspiration. I hope you enjoyed it and it was worth the wait and suspense.

Thank you everyone who reviewed this story. And I am so glad so many of you were touched by it.

If any one is having withdrawals from this story, I do have a couple of one shots, and another full length story that I am in the process of writing.

Once again. Thank you everyone who made this story enjoyable to write.


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